Expensive Housewarming Gifts

Showing all 14 results

Much like with the mummies of old Egypt, dehydrating food is a very handy way to make it last longer. But you have to do it just right — simply leaving fruit, vegetables, and meat out on the kitchen table is not the answer (as so many people have found out the hard way). Thankfully, the inventors of the electric food dehydrator have done all the learning and thinking for the rest of us, so now all we have to do is load it up and turn a dial. Mmm, beef jerky.

For centuries artisans have toiled away, diligently refining their skills until becoming masters, so that they can create exquisitely detailed work of the highest craftsmanship. Well, there’s a much easier way now. 3d printing technology has rapidly advanced over the past few years, to the point that they’ve begun printing just about anything. Even houses. The kind people live in. We’re not suggesting that you need to invest in a home-building 3d printer, as those are rather large and might be out of your budget. But 3d printing can be used for all kinds of smaller things as well, from artistic models to home furnishings. And 3d printers are really fun to play with. If you know someone who needs a new hobby to keep them out of trouble, this could be just the thing. And if they’re lucky enough to get this as a gift from you, you will in turn be the recipient of printed thingamajigs for the rest of your time on Earth.

Don’t just give them one piece of art, build them a gallery. We’re not expecting you to go and build an actual gallery complete with gift shop but we think they’ll be just as impressed with this gift. A digital art museum lets them curate a unique art collection and makes the perfect gift for any art enthusiast. They can even upload their own artistic creations if they’re handy with a paintbrush themselves.

Spherical food is classy. And now you can turn just about any food into little caviar-like pearls by blending it with water and adding a gelification agent to the mix. Then place it inside this pepper grinder-looking thing and in a few minutes you’ll be shooting out little balls of food. And when you place little balls of food on other non-ball shaped food, everything looks a thousand times fancier, and fancy looking food always tastes better.

Sure, we lived for hundreds of thousands of years without electricity, but that’s not the point. The next time they’re in the middle of baking a casserole and a squirrel falls in the wires at the power plant, don’t make them resort to eating lettuce and raw cookie dough for dinner. Every house needs one of these.

Offering to vacuum your friend’s house every day would be an insane (and insanely good) housewarming present that nobody would ever give. And yet, if you think about it, that’s exactly what giving them a robot vacuum amounts to. Give the gift of clean floors every day with this amazing invention.

Remember when the rich family on the block had a riding lawnmower? This thing makes them look like the Flintstones. A robot lawnmower is the ultimate set-it-and-forget-it landscaping device. Way smarter than any lawnmower you ever expected to see. Thankfully, they had the foresight not to give these things arms, in order to avoid a Terminator situation.

You could buy them a 17 man band that could live in the corner of their den and serenade them every day, or you could just go with this unique piece of furniture that can play 17 instruments at once. Plus this pneumatically controlled Hootenanny can remember how to play 13,000 songs.

Quadruple size your triple word score with this enormous Scrabble board. Your wordiest, nerdiest friend will love letting passing strangers see them crush all opposition through their front windows as they walk by on the sidewalk in front of their new home.

What could be better for serving drinks at the round table than a knight in shining armor packed full of liquor? This full suit of Gothic plate armor makes your home a castle while also defending guests and homeowners alike from the ravages of thirst. Sword not included.

One day soon, artificial intelligence is going to be a reality, and the machines are going to take everything. Until then, you might as well get as much out of these bastards as you can. Here’s a robot who will make fully-customizable drinks until he knows better.

Jesus turned water to wine, and everyone had a great time. But if you’re looking for a more useful trick, one that could really save your rear in the case of some kind of catastrophe, the AquaBoy provides you with a more utilitarian option - making air into water. Produces up to 2-5 gallons of water a day, just like magic, so the user can get through the next drought, natural disaster, or boil alert without breaking a sweat.

A major problem with modern houses is the lack of surprises. A hidden door adds a sense of mystery and danger, two things sorely lacking from so many people’s lives. What they do with the hidden room is their own business…

Brewing beer sounds fun, but ask anyone who’s tried it and they’ll tell you that it takes a lot of boring cleaning and babysitting of the brew to do it right. Add to that the difficulty of getting consistent, reproducible results, and it just makes sense to let this clever machine do the work. Watch the home brew progress from phone or tablet while taking it easy.