Gifts For Wife

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Back when old people were kids, shadow puppeteering was accepted as a legitimate skill. That meant holding your hands in front of a light to create rudimentary animal shapes on the wall, because there was no internet. These candleholders are a serious step up. Just try making a mature cedar with your hands. Ok, stop. It’s not going to happen.

If you’re looking for a subtly stylish gift, we’re sure that this necklace will be universally loved. It’s a beautiful piece of jewelry that people will certainly gravitate towards. It’d also be a good time to remind them that in comparison to the cosmos, they’re positively youthful, something they’ll love you to the moon and back for.

Look, soap is great. Nobody’s denying that. But you have to realize that while it does make you clean, it doesn’t accomplish the one thing that so many people wish it did: cover them in chocolate. For obvious reasons, however, being covered in chocolate is a somewhat dubious goal. After all, they would have to wash it off right away to avoid getting it on the furniture. This chocolate soap is the perfect compromise: they get to cover themselves in chocolate and somehow get cleaner at the same time. And wow, it really smells good too.

The great conundrum of losing your glasses has always been that you’ve lost the one thing that you need to find the thing you’ve lost. That is, until technology stepped in. Now, through the magic of bluetooth, there’s one more layer of foolproof assistance to undo the errors of human carelessness. That is, until they lose their phone too. At that point, the only answer is super-gluing their belongings to their body. Even idiot-proofing has its limits.

Just as flowers bend toward the sunlight, the Mirthful Sommelier’s Monogrammed Wine Glasses incline toward the lucky mouths of the thirsty wretches who covet their contents. These playful and unique glasses are also the perfect stemware to break out when your gathering gets a little too uptight. After all, if even the glassware is chill enough to slouch, the humans drinking out of it can surely pull the rod out of their butts for a few minutes.

Nothing makes your luggage stand out against all the other schmucks’ tattered old raggedy bags like a shiny brass luggage tag. The perfect gift for the sophisticated globetrotter who likes to travel in style. Use up to five lines of text to list their name, address, phone number, favorite superhero, spirit animal, most embarrassing moment — whatever they (or you) want to permanently engrave. The most distinguished way to keep the grubby little hands of the unwashed masses off their personal belongings at the airport.

Insomniacs often say they’ve tried everything in order to get to sleep. But in reality, how many insomniacs have ever tried hypnotizing themselves with a pulsating blue light? Well, here’s your chance to call bullsh*t on them. Making use of an age-old meditative technique, the insomniac sleep inducer helps people enter the land of a thousand winks by synchronizing and slowly lowering the frequency of their breathing. After that, it’s nothing but hours of the old snoozy-woozy.

Ring this one up as a gift for both of you (and you can never have too many opportunities to work those in). Smooth, cool, silky satin sheets blow cotton away by any reasonable standard. After a long day of reminiscing about all the great years you’ve spent together, this is the stuff that you’ll want to come home and writhe around in. The only problem is you’ll want to stay in bed all day. Better cross a couple of weeks off your calendar just to be safe.

The results are in, and it’s pretty unanimous: a good memory foam mattress means way better sleep. And rested humans are way nicer to each other, laugh more, and start fewer wars. And in case no one has told you, wars are bad for marriage. So when you consider all of the implications of buying a memory foam mattress, you start to see that it’s one of the greatest peacekeeping investments you can make.

There are plenty of ways that couples grow closer, become more alike, and eventually merge into a single organism. Girding your loins with the same fabric is one of them. It’s as natural as adopting each other’s vocabulary, sharing your mannerisms, learning to eat new foods, and eventually starting to look like each other. This is the normal progression of life, and this is the brand that would like to help you take the next step.

Traveling together can be a bonding experience. But if you’re going to be seen together, isn’t it time they lose that 1970s mustard colored softshell leather suitcase? Come on, you can be honest — it’s a little embarrassing. So help them join the 21st century with a decent luggage set. But on the other hand, maybe you’re not interested in traveling together at all. Maybe a new luggage set is just a nice way of saying, “Would you please go somewhere far away for a while?” It’s great for that too.

The flight game is no place for guessing. The last thing they need is to show up at the airport with two extra t-shirts in their suitcase and end up paying those greedy airlines a small fortune in overweight baggage fees. A reliable handheld scale is the way to beat these scammers at their own dirty game. Just hook a bag up to the handle, hoist it a few inches skyward, and verify that they have the upper hand in this exchange.