Car Emergency Escape Tool
Probably the kind of gift that will get an initial reaction of a raised eyebrow and a ‘gee… thanks’, your coworker will take it all back if they ever get trapped in a car. Also, if they end up leaving your place to pursue that career in escapology they’ve always dreamed of. Hey, even Houdini had to start somewhere!
Anybody who’s not wholly and purely evil would love the gift of fresh, on-demand ice cream at their desk, but here’s a ProTip: save this one for someone whose office isn’t too far away from yours. Just saying.
In a world where deadlines are king, why not focus on a finish line that’s really worth celebrating? Retirement! They'll keep their eye on the prize with this optimistic ticker that will drive them to accomplish bigger and better things at work. Imagine the sweet silence of no alarm in the wee hours of the morning. Retirement will feel like it’s always right around the corner, and if that doesn’t get them through the day, I’m not sure what else would!
For the gelatinous co-worker who just seems to be drifting along in his own little bubble, but who freaks out when Jenny from accounts accidentally brushes his arm on her way past, make him feel less alone with these mesmerizing friends in a jar!
Sometimes it seems there is not enough caffeine in the entire world to get through the rest of the day. Now you can let your coworker test that hypothesis with the world’s largest coffee cup. Perfect for those who have left moderation far behind. Defibrillator not included.
For the ultimate clock watcher, this stylish desk accessory is a fantastic way to count down the minutes left at work, hours left in the day, days left in the year, and years left before the sweet release of retirement, and that new life in the Bahamas. Or days spent pottering around the local garden center and shouting indignantly at daytime television.
Name one coworker who wouldn’t love this (except Phil, he had a bad fish experience and doesn’t want to talk about it). Literal living art and – bonus – zero maintenance required. This self-contained aquatic ecosystem dumps the downsides to bring only the positives of an aquarium to the table.
Technically speaking, this is a rubber stamp, but colloquially speaking, using it is the opposite of rubber stamping. It allows the owner to send useless, insulting, and otherwise subpar documents back where they came from with the appropriate level of contempt. Slamming this thing face first into each page in a stack of shitty documents may be the highlight of your coworker’s day.
This horse is an Internet sensation… because you can’t look at this and not laugh. If anyone in your office is into birds, squirrels, or laughing, this is the gift for them. Just look at it. Plus, it’ll keep the critters from hogging the bird feeder. Neigh!