Custom Fortune Cookies
The most terrifying part of eating at a Chinese restaurant is having your future dictated by the random whims of a cookie manufacturer in Taiwan. That and the MSG. Take care of the first problem by giving fortune cookies with custom messages to someone you know. The only reliable way to control someone from afar.
The most important innovation in motorized vehicles since the Model T, at least. This is just a car without all of the parts you don’t care about, at a tiny fraction of the cost. Live in style and let everyone know about it.
Most people don’t understand the technical side of beer pouring, or beer consumption for that matter. Display your nerdhood proudly for all to see, and let everyone know you speak the language. These glasses send a clear message: get with the program.
Who would have ever thought that failure would become so universally celebrated? Scott Adams does as good a job as anyone explaining the benefits of failure and why being willing to fail (over and over again) is so important to your future success. A great gift for anyone about to enter that silly thing we call the “real world”.
Evernote users take note, this bluetooth-enabled tablet gives you the pressure-sensitive feel of writing on a pad of paper…if that pad of paper could hold about 5,000 PDF files! Transfer handwritten notes seamlessly to an Evernote account, with the flexibility to work with Adobe Illustrator files as well as being OCR compatible. And while it is battery operated, a single charge lasts five days! Just try doing all that with a pad of paper!
Polaroids may be dead, but the people who like to use them aren’t. Not all of them anyway. There’s something especially gratifying about holding a tangible photograph, especially in a world dominated by virtual commodities where everything is becoming digital. Having an instant printer on hand means they don’t have to wait for a photo printing company to print their photos from the cloud and mail them by horseback or whatever. And we all know that nobody has time to wait for a horse these days. Oh, and we should also mention: these look way better than Polaroids.
This white noise machine makes sleeping in even the most raucous frat house a breeze. Compact and fully adjustable, it will drown out the sound of their roommates playing beer pong, dancing, yelling, or doing whatever fun activity they have decided to forego out of a sense of responsibility to their future.
Save your favorite college student the indignity of walking back and forth from the couch to the kitchen for a beer. We put a man on the moon for God’s sake. Hand-made by Amish craftsmen and built to last for generations, this is no flimsy Walmart furniture. Class out the wazoo.
Now that the internet has taken the place of “those magazines”, your college student should have plenty of room under the bed for this compact, sturdy rolling safe. Help them protect their valuables from that drunken, morally-challenged stranger they’ll be sharing an intimate space with. And their roommates.