Grow the F*ck Up
Somebody’s got to say it. We all know the one whose 30th birthday is looming right on the horizon, but who for whatever reason refuses completely to get their sh*t in order and start behaving like a grown-*ss adult. You just want to tell them to Grow the F*ck up! Well that’s the title of this book.
It’s not always good news when someone says they made you a book. It can be wonderful, of course, but things can get pretty cringe-worthy pretty quickly as the recipient pages through it with growing embarrassment for the both themselves and the giver. So take your time and do a good job with this, OK? Don’t make it weird.
30 is not too old to get hammered once in awhile, but it is too old to get hammered drinking inferior booze. Get their sophisticated adult drinking life started right with a bottle of top shelf liquor that has been aging for as long as they’ve been breathing. They’ll see the light.
Why are they still struggling to light a charcoal fire when there’s a 90 billion megaton flaming ball hanging above us? Help them learn to be more resourceful with this reflective solar cooker, then let daylight do the rest. Does NOT double as a tanning device.
They may be the world record holder for moo goo gai pan take-out orders, but that doesn’t mean they can’t apply that same ambition to a more progressive enterprise on the culinary scene. These boxed meals feature fresh, nutritious ingredients that will inspire healthier eating and put a lid on that MSG consumption. Award their starved taste buds and support responsible land stewardship while you’re at it!
Giving someone a 3D printer makes giving a gift made out of plastic the equivalent of giving someone a fish instead of teaching them how to fish for themselves. Rather than buying all their plastic trinkets, they will instead print up whatever they need. It will be like metaphorically owning a pond.
It doesn’t have to be a first edition. Maybe a special edition, or a signed version. The point is that you know enough about them to know what book would be special enough to give them on their 30th birthday.
It’s amazing to think that the idea giving someone a kit to take a sample of their own DNA, that will then be sent off and analyzed, resulting in a detailed personalized genetic analysis, would have seemed like total science fiction just a few decades ago. But here we are.
Years ago, we were all told not to play with our food. Now the highest paid, most famous chefs in the world are doing just that, and nobody thinks to slap the gelified calcium chloride out of their hands. This is the food the Jetsons would have been eating if they were more sophisticated.