Grow the F*ck Up
The ultimate guide to what you should have taught them already, with a title that communicates what you can’t bring yourself to say out loud. The world may be a nicer place than the one you grew up in, but it still can’t help punishing dumbasses. Help a college student or new graduate get it together.
Rugged, non-slip, waterproof, and shockproof, this rock-solid external hard drive will keep their data safe no matter how hopelessly clumsy or reckless they are. USB 2.0 and 3.0 compatible and built like a tank. The coordination-challenged student’s best friend.
Most people don’t understand the technical side of beer pouring, or beer consumption for that matter. Display your nerdhood proudly for all to see, and let everyone know you speak the language. These glasses send a clear message: get with the program.
Studies show that short naps can significantly improve mental performance. Here is their very own plush, portable head enclosure, so no matter where they are, they can take a nap so peaceful they’ll be angry that they woke up. Angry and smart as hell.
Don’t send your precious kin off to school without one of these insanely comfortable t-shirts to remind them where they’re from. A great antidote to homesickness and scratchy-clothing syndrome. And if someone should find them drunk and unresponsive on the front lawn, they’ll know approximately where to send them.
Now that the internet has taken the place of “those magazines”, your college student should have plenty of room under the bed for this compact, sturdy rolling safe. Help them protect their valuables from that drunken, morally-challenged stranger they’ll be sharing an intimate space with. And their roommates.
The most important innovation in motorized vehicles since the Model T, at least. This is just a car without all of the parts you don’t care about, at a tiny fraction of the cost. Live in style and let everyone know about it.
The years spent in college are the ones where teenagers turn into young adults and are ready to take on the world. Even so, it’s not uncommon for them to miss their own little corner of the globe from time-to-time. Make their dorm room a home away from home with a candle that will remind them of their roots. It’s the perfect way to cure homesickness.
Show your appreciation and love symbolically and financially at the same time. What lasts longer in a college student’s dorm room/apartment: a dozen roses, or a dozen wads of cash? We’re betting on the former, but now you can find out.