Grow the F*ck Up
Tough love is so underrated! School a clueless loved one in your life with this lifesaving gift and help reduce the number of whiny adults wandering aimlessly around the planet. There’s nothing wrong with helpful handouts (especially when it comes to gift giving!), but sometimes an in-your-face “hand-up” is the most effective approach if you’re pissing off family and friends left and right. Get over it and just get it done!
We have long maintained that the only reason people think eating bugs is gross is because society is uptight about it. They taste fine! They are eco-friendly! The have lots of protein! Birds eat them, right? You think you’re better than a bird? You can’t even fly! Try them, we triple dog dare ya!
This killer accessory is hardly a gag gift. The recipient of this fine headwear will be commanding respect on the racquetball court and sopping up sweat in style while weed whacking the front lawn. There’s something irresistibly strapping about mullets, and there’s no doubt they’ll reemerge as a hairdo trend if not in this decade, certainly the next. Of course, the lucky stallion that’s sporting this feathered mane has to have the proper attitude to match and that just can’t be taught, so give wisely, my friend!
The recipient of this whimsical gift doesn’t have to be into taxidermy per se, just lonely enough to need a host of rodent performance artists for companions. These furry friends won’t leave droppings around the house like those other mischievous crumb-tracking critters already inhabiting the home. A class above the rest, this quirky cast of players will provide endless entertainment and quiet company, far outperforming other domesticated pet breeds. And the Emmy goes to…
Make fish jealous and friends queasy with a package of earthworm jerky. Packed with protein, these all-natural snacks really put the gag in gag gift. Great for toddlers and blind folk, or for anyone who likes to freak out their family. Clean and ready to eat. Hold the dirt.
Perfect for lazy Sunday mornings on the bridge, these Original Show style bathrobes come in gold, blue, or red, and feature an embroidered insignia above the left breast and rank stripes on the arms. Drink coffee and explore the quadrant in these 100% cotton or microfleece ultra-casual uniforms.
Having eyes on the back of your head would be nice … but how about one humungous peeper shooting from the hip instead? Talk about a pickpocket deterrent! Thieves won’t touch this mesmerizing purse with a ten-foot pole. Whoever’s strolling around with this blinding baby blue better be dressed to the nines because all eyes will be fixated on her! Strangely inviting and incredibly attentive, this ocular gag gift will inspire and amaze. Here’s lookin’ at you, kid!
Who needs mink coats when they can have the whole kit and caboodle made from plush fur balls? Put that puss to work and crank out some nifty doodads that will have everyone and their tabby ooh-ing, aah-ing and purring from sun up to sun down. A gift anyone can really wrap their paws around, this handy guide is a humane, albeit quirky, collection of charming ideas for the feline lover on your list. Simply meow-velous!
Keep your head and face warm without the commitment (or testosterone) it takes to grow an actual beard! These knit beanies with detachable face fur are as funny as they are functional. From biker to barbarian, Viking to vagabond, there is a Beard Head for every taste and style.