Grow the F*ck Up
Tough love is so underrated! School a clueless loved one in your life with this lifesaving gift and help reduce the number of whiny adults wandering aimlessly around the planet. There’s nothing wrong with helpful handouts (especially when it comes to gift giving!), but sometimes an in-your-face “hand-up” is the most effective approach if you’re pissing off family and friends left and right. Get over it and just get it done!
Keep your head and face warm without the commitment (or testosterone) it takes to grow an actual beard! These knit beanies with detachable face fur are as funny as they are functional. From biker to barbarian, Viking to vagabond, there is a Beard Head for every taste and style.
Why not reward the passive-aggressive person in your life with a playful beast that best personifies the light and dark sides of their personality? Raw emotional expression can be quite therapeutic and these cuddly critters are particularly gifted when it comes to delivering love and horror with just one forcible squeeze. Lifeless teddy bears are dreadfully dull and possibly creepier than these cheeky creatures. This badass gift is sure to raise the shock factor at the next occasion!
The recipient of this whimsical gift doesn’t have to be into taxidermy per se, just lonely enough to need a host of rodent performance artists for companions. These furry friends won’t leave droppings around the house like those other mischievous crumb-tracking critters already inhabiting the home. A class above the rest, this quirky cast of players will provide endless entertainment and quiet company, far outperforming other domesticated pet breeds. And the Emmy goes to…
Perfect for lazy Sunday mornings on the bridge, these Original Show style bathrobes come in gold, blue, or red, and feature an embroidered insignia above the left breast and rank stripes on the arms. Drink coffee and explore the quadrant in these 100% cotton or microfleece ultra-casual uniforms.
Imagine walking along a secluded beach to a secret, deserted cove. You lay on the pristine sand, soaking up the sun, just waiting. And then it happens. Someone has followed your trail; they have received your message. “Follow Me,” said your right footprint. “Bring Beer,” said your left. And they did.
This made-to-order voodoo doll is the perfect gift for your most vengeful friend. Just send in an image of who you want the doll to resemble, and the magic happens as your friend pushes pins into the doll’s most sensitive areas. Just be sure it doesn't look anything like you.
A mysterious wood and metal box featuring a single switch on top. When the switch is flipped, gears whirl into motion. The top opens up, and a tiny disembodied finger emerges to flip the switch back to its original position. The finger retreats back inside; the box closes. And that is it.
Having eyes on the back of your head would be nice … but how about one humungous peeper shooting from the hip instead? Talk about a pickpocket deterrent! Thieves won’t touch this mesmerizing purse with a ten-foot pole. Whoever’s strolling around with this blinding baby blue better be dressed to the nines because all eyes will be fixated on her! Strangely inviting and incredibly attentive, this ocular gag gift will inspire and amaze. Here’s lookin’ at you, kid!