How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win
Anyone who receives this gift is sure to be good at half of what this book’s about—just not the winning part. Use their birthday as a chance to tease them and help them at the same time. Be wary though: once they read this book, they might flip to judging your life choices at the same time.
30 is not too old to get hammered once in awhile, but it is too old to get hammered drinking inferior booze. Get their sophisticated adult drinking life started right with a bottle of top shelf liquor that has been aging for as long as they’ve been breathing. They’ll see the light.
Pack up your cares and woes, and head out into the wider world by making plans and delivering them to your favorite 30 year old as a present. Then jet, or drive, or cruise off into the sunset, leaving all your worries behind. The best part is that there’s to need to overthink the destination, just go anywhere. It’ll be great.
We’re not saying you should buy someone a South African Gold Krugerrand for 1300 bucks or whatever it is - though that would be an incredible 30th birthday gift, holy crap - just that precious metal coins are fun to have. You can get an American Silver Eagle for like $20, and it’s almost as cool.
Breaking down and having to call your dad for help is bad enough at 16 – by 30, you’ve outgrown that drama. The gift of an AAA Membership will mean they don’t even need to admit they had an auto-related problem – allowing them to retain the aura of cool, calm and collected adult, who has their s**t together. Ha!
If they are not living out their childhood sandbox dreams of operating a bulldozer or a backhoe at this age, chances are it’s not going to happen. Tough luck, kid. At least you can let them live that dream for a day by buying them a trip to Extreme Sandbox.
This present is sure to knock your gift giving reputation out of the park and score you a home run. Whether you’re buying it for a baseball buff or a wine connoisseur, it’s a brilliant centerpiece that is guaranteed to start conversations for years to come. You can even pick their home team to make sure it’s a guaranteed hit.
There comes a time in every young person’s life when they realize that they are more excited about getting a great deal on a jumbo pack of toilet paper than they are about getting tickets to an upcoming music festival. That time usually comes right around their 30th birthday.
Help the 30-year-old in your life focus more on their health…or at least tell people they do. “Yes, I only need 200 more steps before I reach my goal. Oh, you don’t keep track—yeah, I used to be like that, but now I know better.” Just make sure to shove plenty of candies in their direction, or they’ll flip their health speech on to you.