Lobsters By Mail
Lobsters have many, many great qualities, not least among them are their nutritional and flavor profiles. But they’re dumb as dirt, exceptionally slow, and don’t drive. So if it’s inconvenient for you to go all the way to the ocean to find the best lobsters, you’re going to have to have someone mail them to you. Thankfully, lobster mail is now a reality.
Say thank you by helping them get away and recharge in a faraway place where nobody knows them and they can act however they want with virtually no longstanding social repercussions. Because when things get tough, evacuation is usually the only solution.
If you really need to say thank you in a big way, like, maybe they’ve saved your life or something, then taking them on a vacation is probably the thing to do. Maybe take them on vacation every year. For the rest of your life.
Alcohol and gratitude have always gone together. But there’s nothing sappier than getting drunk and slobbering a thank you all over someone while they roll their eyes and look for a convenient way to exit. So why don’t you let the booze talk for itself? A custom wine label says it all, and says it classy.
Who knew this was a thing? Say thanks by giving someone an investment portfolio! Pick a stock and a dollar amount, and they get a fractional amount of stock equivalent to what you spent that they can keep or trade or sell for cash as they wish.
If you decide to do this, go all out. Show up at 5 in the morning dressed impeccably in a tuxedo. Proceed to handle all unpleasantness with quiet grace, never faltering, never betraying any emotion save unswerving loyalty to the person whom you owe bottomless gratitude.
It would probably be underwhelming if you just gave someone a few pieces of fruit as a thank you present. But cut the fruit into shapes, skewer them on some sticks, and arrange them to look like a bouquet of flowers? Now that’s a thank you gift!
When you’re indebted to someone who wouldn’t want you to get them a gift, the best way to repay them is with some hard work. Everyone has an endless list of chores and projects around the house that never seem to get done. Cross a few things off for them. It’s free, and it’s a genuine way to show them how grateful you are.
Standard hotels are convenient and something of a social institution, but when it comes down to it they’re all the same, except that in the cheaper ones the desk clerks are a little creepier and the maids are drunker. Airbnb takes the predictability out of travel lodging and replaces it with an endless variety of unique experiences. The perfect thank you gift for people who appreciate the human touch.