This is less DUI, more DOI – Driving On the Influence. This nifty little speed demon is perfect for when they really want to make an entrance to a party. And did you say they have a birthday coming up? Not only is it a great gift for them, it’s a great gift for you too – you’re officially off designated driver duties. A gift that keeps on giving.
This is the old people version of buying them their own pool cue. Like every game of chance, bingo is ruled by the secret and unfathomable rubric of superstition. Using a borrowed dauber is like spitting in the face of the lottery gods. Not a good idea.
They’re bound to have a lot of questions as they turn 40 and however existential they turn out to be, we’re sure that Alexa will do her best to answer them. The Amazon Echo is a clever household helper that can tell you what the weather is going to be like tomorrow or the baseball score. It probably won’t be able to give them the secret to eternal youth, though it may be worth a shot.
Look, soap is great. Nobody’s denying that. But you have to realize that while it does make you clean, it doesn’t accomplish the one thing that so many people wish it did: cover them in chocolate. For obvious reasons, however, being covered in chocolate is a somewhat dubious goal. After all, they would have to wash it off right away to avoid getting it on the furniture. This chocolate soap is the perfect compromise: they get to cover themselves in chocolate and somehow get cleaner at the same time. And wow, it really smells good too.
Just give it to them. Don’t make a big deal about it, or give them diet books or a lecture or anything like that. They know. They have figured out for themselves that their body is not quite the well-tuned machine that it once was. Just give the Fitbit, and leave the rest to them.
If they’re turning 40, they’ll have spent enough time in supermarkets to last a lifetime. Buy them a Costco membership and not only will you save them money, you’ll also be saving them time so they can start doing other exciting old people things instead, like gardening and bridge club. In fact, you might get really lucky with a jumbo pack of toilet roll as a thank you.
They can’t quite put their finger on what they want for their birthday and you really don’t want to get it wrong because, let’s be honest, it’s not every day they turn 40. Solve the problem with a 3D Printer. That thing they forgot they needed? There in a flash and quicker than Amazon Prime.
If you’ve ever suspected that you can’t trust your tongue, here’s proof. Adding volatile scents to these specialized forks completely changes the experience of eating, as your brain processes much more information through your nose than your tastebuds. Give this as a gift and help them have the weirdest, most surreal dinner parties in the neighborhood.
Vacuuming will no longer feel like a chore with this powerful canister strapped to their back. Liberating and sporty, this dust-defeating, crumb-eating soldier of suction is strictly reserved for today’s most ambitious and orderly housekeepers. The latest in domestic fitness regimens, this lightweight apparatus will strengthen their core while reducing unsightly nicks on walls and unnecessary scratches on floors. Tidiness redefined.