They say that just because you can do a thing, it doesn’t necessarily follow that you should do that thing. But did they ever consider how completely awesome it would be to ride around on a 49cc motorized cooler full of cold beverages? Yeah, we don’t think so either.
Many, many people slaved away making these lollipops under great duress. They’re called confectioners, and they have a very stressful job. No, these aren’t really made from breast milk, so if you were excited that you found the perfect gift for that pervert you know, you might want to keep looking. Of course you don’t have to tell them they’re not real.
You know that thing where you mime talking on the phone with your hand, with your thumb at your ear and your pinky at your mouth? These Bluetooth gloves make that real. Sure, people will think you’re weird, but they already think that. And at least you won’t be wearing one of those stupid earpieces.
If you’re looking for a gift that they’ll never forget, treat them to a custom made Mousterpiece. They can be designed to your own unique specifications and are perhaps the ultimate weird gift. These beautifully crafted pieces of taxidermy are memorable, possibly a touch creepy, and yet somewhat incredibly endearing.
Not everyone has space in their home for a life-sized(!) replica T. Rex skeleton, but, for those who do, we can’t imagine a more exciting gift. Unleash their inner paleontologist with this incredible, museum quality item, an exact copy of a real fossil skeleton found in the Black Hills of South Dakota.
Show your weird friend that they are the weirdest kind of weird by giving them the tools to train a goldfish to play basketball and soccer. Yes, you read that right. With a little diligence it is possible to teach a fish some tricks. If you immediately know who you would give this to, you owe it to yourself to make this happen.
Yes, we are talking about actual, for real radioactive, uranium ore. It’s nothing you could make a bomb from, we’re pretty sure, but point a Geiger counter at it and your friend is sure to get that uncomfortable “is this thing going to give me cancer?” feeling we all love to hate. Probably don’t give this one to your roommate.
We all have that one friend. The one who can never seem to find that steady relationship. The one with a cat or two. And then three. And four. The one who starts to show up to parties, on the rare occasions she does show up, increasingly covered in cat hair. This book. This book is for her.
Wearing this might get someone labeled a paranoid schizophrenic or mistaken for someone with an uncontrollable urge to bite others, but that’s the price you pay for protecting yourself from whoever is listening in, be it the government, aliens, or worse yet, alien government agencies. That’s the world we live in. This is the answer.