Sensory Deprivation Session
For the alternative 30-year-old who’ll try anything once, why not pop them in a local isolation tank and deprive them of their senses for an hour or so, see what happens? It might make them feel super relaxed and chilled-out about getting a year older. Or, it might just make them feel lucky to be alive when you finally let them out!
Why are they still struggling to light a charcoal fire when there’s a 90 billion megaton flaming ball hanging above us? Help them learn to be more resourceful with this reflective solar cooker, then let daylight do the rest. Does NOT double as a tanning device.
Well, they’ve spent 30 years in this reality, they’ve probably had enough – we didn’t invent a whole new one for no reason. Give them a virtual reality headset and allow them to come face to face with dinosaurs, dance on the moon, meet their idol… you’ll probably never see them in the real world again.
Some people might ask if anyone really wants to have a special piece of kitchen equipment just to make weirdly shaped pancakes. To those people we say this: How do you explain the existence of waffle irons? Aren’t waffles just pancakes with a shape, basically? Rhetorical question. No emails please.
Here’s a birthday gift that will make them appreciate how easy it is to just go to the store and buy a bottle of wine. But before that appreciation has been fully cultivated, they’ll spend countless hours trying to perfect their own special blend with this wine making kit. It’s a pretty simple process at its core (after all, prisoners make wine in the toilet) but a tough one to master. At the very least, we’re positive that they will not make the worst wine on Earth with this thing, but we would taste with caution.
It’s amazing to think that the idea giving someone a kit to take a sample of their own DNA, that will then be sent off and analyzed, resulting in a detailed personalized genetic analysis, would have seemed like total science fiction just a few decades ago. But here we are.
This birthday, why not give them a bouquet of something they actually want – like the chance to win the lottery and retire early to travel the world in a super yacht! Plus, if they win, they’re sure to share their millions with you, right? Right?? Jon, can you hear me, you seem to be sailing in the other direction…?
What other diversion affords the opportunity to let out both bloodcurdling screams and unrestrained giggling while indulging in sweet candy treats? Embrace the carefree silliness of youth and give them a little license to check out for a few hours. Responsibility can wait. Slap on that wristband and hop on the ride of a lifetime.
If they are not living out their childhood sandbox dreams of operating a bulldozer or a backhoe at this age, chances are it’s not going to happen. Tough luck, kid. At least you can let them live that dream for a day by buying them a trip to Extreme Sandbox.