USB Mix Tape
If you really want to make an authentic product, get out that Members Only jacket, don some vintage Walkman headphones and pretend you have some really cool parachute pants on—this going-away compilation is going to be off the charts! Come up with a wicked awesome name for your retro mix … something along the lines of “Bitchin’ Bon Voyage Bonus Mix Tape!” and remember to give proper credit to the artists. Upload the magic to that righteous thumb drive and you’ve got a gift that’s totally tubular, Dude!
This should keep your loved one’s hands busy while they try to make some new friends and rebuild their social life in that new city of theirs! Throw in a jumbo set of scented markers so they can keep their spirits up while they adjust to living away from home. It’s okay if they color outside the lines—nobody’s perfect, right? Except you, of course, for choosing such a stellar going-away gift!
This is the lazy man’s rosetta stone. Learning is difficult, and fortunately unnecessary as long as someone else is willing to come up with clever ideas like this. If they ever find themselves overseas and looking for something that’s not on this shirt, they might want to reevaluate what they’re asking for.
The streets of one’s hometown are too real to be thought of in two dimensions. This set of wood cutout maps makes these cities come to life. The outline of every block is rendered in painstaking detail by a dedicated artisan, all by hand. The perfect way for them to remember home.
Nothing makes you feel more at home in a foreign place than knowing the right way to tell someone to go f*ck himself. Don’t let a traveler you know venture off into the great unknown without arming them first with this essential guidebook. No matter where you end up on this great planet of ours, respect follows those who command the rough outer edges of the language.
If they’re moving from one region of the country to another, half of their wardrobe may become pretty useless. Those tank tops and swimsuits were perfect for Florida weather, but not so much for Wisconsin. Get them some new threads that will be more appropriate for their new environment so they’ll be a little less like a fish out of water.
Leaving home isn’t always a walk in the park. Give that departing loved one this decorative street sign along with a few bonus safety tips: Remember to be courteous to others and mind the rules of the road, especially when visiting new and unfamiliar places. Try to avoid any dangerous potholes along the way. Keep your eyes on the road as you drive off into the sunset, and don’t get distracted by what’s in the rearview mirror. Yield to oncoming traffic as you cruise down the boulevard of dreams and remember to use your directional if you have to make a U-turn and start over. Good luck and always wear your seatbelt!
These candles are formulated to smell like your home state. Good thing nobody told them that when you’re home all you really smell is burned turkey and your brother-in-law’s beer farts. This is more like the idealized version of your home smell, the kind of false memory someone wants to take with them when they leave.
Cleaning every nook and cranny of a house before moving out is an enormous task. The level of cleaning that will take place is likely far beyond anything they did when they actually lived there. That just makes the experience feel even more like a fruitless chore, cleaning for someone else and not even getting to enjoy the tidiness. With a long to-do list before moving, cleaning the old place is something that they would love to cross off without lifting finger. Hire a local cleaning service to take take of this drudgery so they can focus on what’s next.