Some might consider it the ultimate display of human privilege to begin claiming faraway stars just because we have a few extra dollars in our pockets. But once you realize that the universe is far bigger than you think it is, you’ll cool off a little. There’s more than enough to go around for everybody. Several billion times over. So go ahead and give someone a little piece of the cosmic pie. Nothing to get all riled up about.
Look, soap is great. Nobody’s denying that. But you have to realize that while it does make you clean, it doesn’t accomplish the one thing that so many people wish it did: cover them in chocolate. For obvious reasons, however, being covered in chocolate is a somewhat dubious goal. After all, they would have to wash it off right away to avoid getting it on the furniture. This chocolate soap is the perfect compromise: they get to cover themselves in chocolate and somehow get cleaner at the same time. And wow, it really smells good too.
In the land of the drunk, there are two categories: the worldly and the degenerate. Everyone else is sober. This old world globe bar sends a not-so-subtle signal which one they belong to. Help them appear wise and fascinating by appropriating the air of an intrepid explorer, even if they’ve never left the state.
Chocolates used to (and perhaps still do) come from factories run by shady recluses and populated by obese midget slaves. Or at least that’s what the video evidence suggests. But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Stick it to big business by giving someone this home chocolate making kit and help them join the artisan revolution. A whole new way to make chocolate “guilt free”.
Here’s some art that really grows on you. A hanging garden that can be placed on any wall in the house, it can add a bit of unexpected life to an interior space. The frame comes decked out with easy-to-care-for succulents, so you don’t have to worry about giving this to someone with a brown thumb.
Knowledge is the lifeblood of commerce, and sharing knowledge is how the human race continues its noble march toward destruction. But these days, people would just as soon carry a stone tablet as a paperback. An Amazon Kindle is the best way to look smart in public without seeming like a relic.
You might remember that snow cone maker from when you were a kid with the crank and Snoopy on top. It was disappointing; it was hard to turn and it made tiny snow cones. This thing, though. This makes real deal snow cones and uses electricity. This is not for kids.
Most people think you have to get dirty in order to make money, but the inventors of money soap want you to know that’s just a cynical myth. In fact, they want you to know that sometimes the fastest and easiest way to make money is to get really clean. For anyone who needs a little encouragement to get in the shower, a nice fat bar of soap with a rolled up treasury note in the middle should do the trick.
Good and bad are always subjective, an eternal truth reinforced by these confusingly labeled shot glasses. They’re also primarily determined in retrospect, which means the moment of decision is not the time to worry about such trivial concepts anyway. A very philosophical gift for someone entering a philosophical phase of life.
It’s never too early to spread the love. And with this heart-shaped waffle maker, all they have to do is spread the batter, and all the love symbolism comes popping out by itself, like magic. Alas, these delicious creations are destined to be just as fleeting.
Who has time for trial and error? Folks today demand fast-acting, proven solutions to their everyday conundrums. A modern stand-in for the tried and trusted Farmer’s Almanac, this back pocket companion is more reliable than your great-grandmother and more concise than an open-ended Google search. Believe it or not, some of the “smartest” solutions have been around for ages.
Craft brewing has definitely taken over the beer industry. But with so many microbreweries and so much competition, it sometimes gets hard to keep up. And who knows what to make of the bizarre varieties taking over liquor store shelves? Orange pickled hibiscus springtime lager? Porcupine quill Mongolian stout? Good lord. Time to look into the homebrew options.
So many of your household appliances would be better if they weren’t fixed in place. Wouldn’t you sometimes like to bake in the backyard? Do the laundry on your roof deck? And what about the toilet? Wouldn’t you like to…well, never mind. For now, we’ve got the inflatable hot tub. Move it, deflate and store it, set it back up and inflate it in three minutes whenever it’s needed.
No matter how smart they are, or think they are, this book is sure to fill in some of the gaps. 500 gaps actually. They’ll be so well-rounded and informed that they’ll cruise through life with grace, knowing that when the time comes, they can perform CPR, dance the tango, and successfully fight off a shark.
They might already have everything the need today, but that could change quickly if they become the unfortunate victim of cyber-theft. RFID chips in modern credit cards make paying easy, but they also have a serious vulnerability - the chip can be scanned by cyber criminals without you even knowing it. All they have to do is walk past you and your card data is captured without them even touching it. It’s a growing concern but luckily there’s an easy solution with RFID blocking cards and wallets.
The morning drinker: one of the most misunderstood fellow citizens. Once imbued with the spark of firewater, they can do anything, especially if it’s delivered with the bold energy rush of caffeine. You think we should eradicate morning drinking? Well, you can kiss all your favorite novels goodbye then, because all great authors are drunk by 10 am. But I guess if you want to try tricking someone out of their morning cup of whiskey, this would be the best way.
There’s an old saying that goes, “Nobody wants to see how the sausage is made.” Well, beer isn’t sausage, though they do go very well together. And everyone wants to see how the beer is made. Brewery tours exist to prove that beer, despite all appearances, is not in fact a magical substance. It’s created by ordinary people with ordinary people hands and no magic wands or other supernatural interference. It’s just a bunch of natural processes that happen to be exceptionally awesome. Take a beer enthusiast behind the scenes to witness the (non)magic in person with this local brewery finder.
Let your feet guide you, and never get lost. These removable insoles link up with a smartphone app and use GPS to guide you to your destination through subtle vibrations. Lead the way without having to stare at your phone or wait for Google Maps to load. Like the pied freakin’ piper, without the annoying pan flute.
Sturdier, more convenient, and easier to handle than traditional kabob skewers. No more forgetting to buy skewers and having to eat raw steak and vegetables or cook with their bare hands. Not every brilliant solution has to be high tech. Some just make a lot of damn sense.
People love venturing into nature for the near mystical experience of being connected with our pre-civilized roots. We feel a strong, implacable pull toward wild places like the desert and the forest. The problem is, nature really just wants to eat you. This book tells you how not to let that happen.
What better way to say that the pen is mightier than the sword? This knight pen holder will be their most loyal servant in all of their clerical crusades. Whether they’re battling with the bookkeeping or feuding with their filing, help will be at hand. And yes, their grocery lists deserve the royal treatment too.
People weren’t joking when they said this coffee is the sh#t. The undeniably rich, full-bodied flavor produced by these rare beans has redefined the food chain and flipped the coffee industry on its head. Perhaps one of the most imaginative adaptations of the farm-to-table movement, this coffee product is redefining waste management.
If there’s one skill that every responsible citizen should have, it’s the ability to access things that aren’t theirs. But you better believe you don’t get there without practice. Some day they’re bound to come across something they want that has been locked away by some other thoughtless and selfish human. Don’t let them approach this dark situation unprepared.
If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. If you know someone who has refined taste buds, this might even include cheese. But before you go buying a water buffalo, you should know that you can buy the enzymes and all that by themselves and then add milk later. The rest of the animal is incidental, inconvenient, and frankly dangerous.
Some people need visual feedback in order to understand their progress. With these right and left brain bookends, they can literally watch as their mind expands with each book added to the shelf. Of course, they still have to read them to absorb the knowledge. Let’s hope you don’t have to explain that.
Every big shot needs a set of these to take their big shots from. Help them flex their drinking muscles or show their military/hunting roots. A perfect gift for that person who really goes in for the kill at the drinkin’ hour.
A safety net for the mechanically impaired, AAA is a one-of-a-kind grease monkey support network that can be relied upon to rescue them at any time of day or night. Because deep down inside, you know that for every happy ending, there’s a 1990 Camaro on the side of the road somewhere with a skeleton in the front seat.
Set the mood and get the party started with your favorite bottle of wine and some condoms. We're talking about wine condoms of course. The funniest way to protect against unplanned accidents when you're fully uncorked. While this may seem like a useless novelty it actually does create an airtight and watertight seal on any size bottle, preserving its freshness while creating the types of highly awkward moments that often go along with downing a bottle of wine.
Air travel can be pretty uncomfortable, especially if you're crammed in an economy seat like most working folks. When the stress is mounting, the kid starts crying, and the pilot announces that they'll be arriving behind schedule, at least there is booze. These cocktail kits will help them find their happy place when they feel like popping that emergency exit and bailing out.
Help your favorite 21-year-old get away and recharge in a faraway place where nobody knows them and they can act however they want with virtually no longstanding social repercussions. Because when things get tough, evacuation is usually the only solution.
Buy them a couple tickets to a great event or show as a little test. Will they give the extra ticket to you? You just gave them this very thoughtful gift, after all. Or do they keep them both. In which case, maybe they just get a box of chocolates from the drug store next time.
Happy couple decides to go on vacation, finds quaint lodging belonging to complete stranger for a price that seems too good to be true. In the movies, they get hacked to pieces. So here’s one way you can be happy that real life never ends up like the movies. In real life, they just have a great time and never stay in a hotel again.
There are very few authentic Viking activities that are acceptable in modern society. So for the most part, we have to take what we can get. Drinking from a real, ethically harvested Viking-style bull horn drinking vessel is one of those acceptable activities. And drinking from a Viking horn vessel is more than just acceptable — it’s a recognized sign of strength, power, and valor. And in some cases, perhaps mild psychotic tendencies. But nothing society isn’t set up to handle.
What other diversion affords the opportunity to let out both bloodcurdling screams and unrestrained giggling while indulging in sweet candy treats? Embrace the carefree silliness of youth and give them a little license to check out for a few hours. Responsibility can wait. Slap on that wristband and hop on the ride of a lifetime.
A trip to the spa promotes relaxation, relieves stress, and contributes to their general wellbeing. It also gets them off your back for a few hours. This is what people call a win-win situation. Ship them off to a place of rest and rejuvenation. You’ll both be glad you did.