College isn’t all fun and games. There’s a lot of work and a lot of stress, what with all the newfound responsibility. On top of that, you’re not allowed to leave for most of the year. In a lot of ways it’s like a really pleasant, barely supervised labor camp. In short, there are a lot of things a college student can use help with, from homesickness to life advice, from school supplies to basic safety and hygiene. Mercifully, you no longer have to guess what they want. They want this stuff right here.
Just because they’ve joined the respectable world doesn’t mean they have to leave their backyard college party days behind. These reusable red cups are made of high-quality melamine — a durable plastic compound that looks, feels and performs remarkably like conventional dinnerware materials such as porcelain. These cups, available in a variety of shapes and sizes, bridge the aesthetic gap between high-class living and low-rent debauchery. The perfect gift for that special someone who appreciates the frathouse-chic lifestyle.
For years we’ve been using tracking devices to follow the comings and goings of our pets, children, enemies, and myriad suspicious characters who pass through our neighborhoods. It’s about time that we re-apply the tools of our paranoia to everyday objects. This small tracker can be affixed to any of your valuable possessions (including yourself if you so desire), allowing those objects to be quickly and easily located using the associated mobile app. Sure, it won’t help you find your moral compass or your purpose in life, but it will help you find the TV remote.
This compact keyboard pairs with a smartphone or tablet via Bluetooth and folds in half for easy portability. Small enough to take along in a coat pocket or purse, the keyboard is ideal for composing lengthy e-mails or word documents that would become tiresome using a device’s tiny onscreen keyboard. The 50 keys are arrayed in the familiar QWERTY layout for comfortable typing and the keyboard charges via USB.
Insulting others using common language makes one a contemptible character, a low rascal. But casting insults using the verbiage and expressions of literary masters elevates one to a rare level of nobility. Unfortunately, not everyone possesses the linguistic chops to construct their own highbrow verbal slights, and that’s where this handy chart comes in. Conveniently arranged in visual form for easy reference, it’s the perfect guide for someone who would like to be revered (instead of despised) for their nastiness.
A “just good enough” chair may seem…well…good enough. But nothing could be further from the truth, at least as far as your skeleton is concerned. And just because someone is not yet at the stage of the biological cycle where their skeleton is visible doesn’t mean they should ignore it. An ergonomically designed chair by the ergonomic design OGs is exactly what the doctor ordered for an ailing office worker. Actually, the doctor didn’t order it. That’s why you need to.
Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.
Science has finally proven that you are in fact better off viewing the world through rose-colored glasses. Or, if not rose-colored, at least blue-blocking. These glasses work hard to prevent blue light from reaching the wearer’s tender brain cells, where it wreaks all manner of chemical and neurological havoc. Shielding the eyes from the harmful effects of blue light from computers, televisions, and the like is known to provide calming, sleep-enhancing, and mood-boosting benefits, among others.
The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.
Remember what life was like before the internet? When a peeping tom had to grab his binoculars and hide in the bushes or climb up a tree to get a good look into your private life? Now any aspiring voyeur doesn’t even need to be fit enough to leave the couch — much less climb the 30-foot elm in your front yard. All they need to do is find a digital backdoor to your webcam. Which means the creep game is now open to a whole new league of players. This is how you keep them off your field.
The condition of your physical space often says a lot about the state of your life in general. So if your computer desk or entertainment center is a snake den of twisted cords, you may be giving the outside world a window into the chaotic swirl going on inside your head. And that’s the kind of information that one is better keeping to oneself, lest people begin to make negative assumptions. A package of handy, affordable cord organizers like these are a great way to subtly suggest to a loved one that they get their s#*t together — or at least make it look like they already have.
Modular furniture is worth its weight in gold for anyone who lives in a small space. Also, playing around with configurable stuff like this is fun because it’s sort of like experiencing your childhood dream of living in a Lego world. Except this is better because you won’t accidentally swallow it and end up in the emergency room. The easy lock-and-unlock design, corner-friendly configurability, and variety of storage options make it perfect for any desk slave who needs to declutter their work area while keeping the various tools of the trade close at hand.
Ergonomics are everything, especially for the desk jockeys who spend 50% or more of their waking hours parked in front of a keyboard. Though the office workers of the world may not be able to halt the slow disintegration of their bodies, they can at least protect their delicate wrists and fingers from overuse injuries. For these are the instruments with which they run the economy. Buy one of these laptop risers for an office worker you know who gets the cold sweats when they hear the phrase “carpal tunnel.”
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to learn from the best in the world? This is the idea behind MasterClass. A wide range of courses designed and taught by some of the most famous, renowned, and respected luminaries in fields as diverse as cooking, guitar playing, negotiation (hostage or otherwise), fiction writing, film making, and gardening, just to name a few. You can give a single class as a gift or a subscription for all of them.
It’s no longer reasonable to allow your writing utensils to do single duty. These days, a pen that does nothing but write is a child’s toy. Actually, it’s even worse than that, because kids know better than to write by hand, what with all the voice recognition apps they have within arms reach at all times. That means pens are functionally useless. Let that sink in a minute. But not this pen, because it’s also several other things that can help the user accomplish something important. This is no gimmick. It’s a revolutionary tool, and the world will never be the same.
Some day soon, we’ll all have portable movie projectors installed in our fingertips. Until then, you have to carry one of these in your pocket. Not too bad of an option, considering that this tiny box gives whoever holds it the power to turn any plain old wall into a high-quality theater screen. Just dim the lights, push a button, and project virtually any movie known to man via Netflix, YouTube, or Amazon Prime Video. A convenient and powerful way to keep the masses in one’s thrall.
As with many things in life, sometimes it’s best to leave it up to the experts. Especially when those experts are willing to put in all of the work creating unbeatable care packages on a monthly basis. With these subscription plans, you get to choose how many monthly packages you want to send, and for which months. A surefire way to delight their addled little brains in between all that painful studying and learning.
Insomniacs often say they’ve tried everything in order to get to sleep. But in reality, how many insomniacs have ever tried hypnotizing themselves with a pulsating blue light? Well, here’s your chance to call bullsh*t on them. Making use of an age-old meditative technique, the insomniac sleep inducer helps people enter the land of a thousand winks by synchronizing and slowly lowering the frequency of their breathing. After that, it’s nothing but hours of the old snoozy-woozy.
In the cramped environs of a college dorm or campus apartment, every piece of furniture, every appliance, and every personal belonging must be carefully considered. This mini toaster oven, with its small footprint and ability to make a wide range of delicious foods like pizza, toast, bagels, paninis, and cookies (just to name a few) is a definite keeper. And being as bread-based foods are great at slowing the absorption of both caffeine (saving their developing adrenal glands from overload and chronic fatigue) and alcohol (saving precious liver and brain cells), this contraption can be considered both a food appliance and a medical device. A fine choice indeed.
For the frugal homemaker, there can never be too many ways to save space and eliminate unnecessary appliances, utensils, and the like. So a single stove-top skillet that allows you to fire up a full three-course meal in one go? You bet your sweet pork chop, corn, and baked beans that’s gonna find a place in lots of kitchens. And consider that it’s stain resistant, built to last, and safe for the oven and dishwasher, and it’s clear someone had their thinkin’ cap on at the old pots and pans factory.
Truthfully, a college cookbook could be a mere three lines long: 1) boil water, 2) add noodles, 3) stir in shrimp flavor packet. Lucky for the soon-to-be debt-laden youth of America, the authors of this book went several steps further, compiling a collection of recipes that are easy, delicious, and cheap — while also hitting all of the main requirements of human nutrition, so even a broke English major doesn’t have to worry about ailments like the dreaded “Freshman scurvy.”
Card games are a staple of the drunken party scene for a reason. They help break the ice and give people something to do through those long awkward moments early in the night when everyone is still mostly sober. They also keep those same people occupied and out of mischief later on when their inhibitions have been loosened up and they start getting ideas. Best of all, this game is simple and straightforward enough to keep anyone entertained for hours in between shots.
The pink flamingo is royalty in the plastic animal kingdom. Nary a beast can approach its fame, distinction, and nobility in that realm. Its closest rival is probably the rubber chicken, but most rubber chickens don’t even have heads. And now the pink flamingo extends its influence even further by offering itself up as the guzzling vessel of choice for the most lit parties. The days of using a beer bong that looks like something their neighbor just got done using to fill his diesel tractor are long gone.
Since nobody seems to be interested enough to invent an ever-lasting battery, it looks like we’re all stuck charging our phones every day for the foreseeable future. But before you throw you hands up in disgust and ask how it could possibly get worse, there is some good news. The same lazy, inconsiderate tech “geniuses” who refuse to make forever batteries have at least found the decency to create a little pad that charges smartphones without having to plug them in. And really, it’s the least they could do.
The Nintendo Switch combines the best of at-home entertainment with on-the-go gaming. Nintendo has always been at the forefront of portable gaming, going all the way back to the original Game Boy. But portability in gaming isn’t everything. Sure, it’s great for torturously long rides in the back of the minivan, but nobody wants to sit on the couch and play video games on a tiny portable device while there’s a ginormous flatscreen TV six feet away. The Switch’s dual capabilities solve this problem for good, going from handheld device to living-room gaming system in the blink of an eye.
The 21st Century can be an overwhelming place – space exploration, nuclear weapons, Justin Bieber… The Knowledge Book distills thousands of years of humankind’s most significant ideas and achievements— explains how they are linked and why they are important—and packs everything into a single, irresistibly readable volume.
The infamous deepwater blobfish has been voted ugliest animal in the world. This unfinished project of Mother Nature is sadly going extinct, so enjoy them while you can. Adds a touch of charm and pity to any living room or bedroom.
Keeping practical supplies in the car in case of emergency is something we all should do – yet many people out there on the road haven't added so much as a band-aid to their car’s inventory. That’s right, in the event of a blizzard, those store receipts and empty fast food bags won’t save you. Shocking, we know. This Auto Survival Kit on the other hand…
A safety net for the mechanically impaired, AAA is a one-of-a-kind grease monkey support network that can be relied upon to rescue them at any time of day or night. Because deep down inside, you know that for every happy ending, there’s a 1990 Camaro on the side of the road somewhere with a skeleton in the front seat.
The classic party game where everyone either reveals reputation-demolishing secrets about their past or shamelessly lies to save face. Depending on the temperament of the various participants, it can make for an hour or so of good-natured ribbing, or it can devolve into closet doors being flung open to reveal hideous skeletons beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. In other words, it’s rip-roaring fun. But depending on your own personal history, you may want to sit this one out.
Ping pong is an activity that virtually anyone can get into. Along with “sports” like curling, mini golf, and shooting cans off of fence posts, it’s a game of physical skill that requires absolutely no meaningful athletic ability. That makes it a game of the people, if you will. And the best part about this kit is that it’s portable, as the name implies, and extremely fast to set up. Just supply the tabletop. If they could use a little dose of competitive fire, this might do the trick.
If you’re going to do something, do it the right way. That goes for buying a knife too. The last thing you want is to be in a life and death situation and have to say, “If only I had a fine-toothed miniature saw and I knew what time it was.” This pocket knife has you covered on both fronts. The only way we could imagine this knife being more loaded is if they added a miniature cannon or gave it time travel capabilities. The perfect gift for the survivalist who likes that extra layer of security against that “what-ifs”.
A long time ago, in the distant past, kids used to put baseball cards in the spokes of their wheels to turn their bikes into motorcycles. We’ve come a long way since then. Now, we modify our bikes to actually make them self-powered, not just sound like it. The GeoOrbital Wheel is super easy to install - just remove the front wheel of your bike and hook this thing up in its place, and the next thing you know, you’re leaving the other bikes in your dust.
Having to repeat yourself is such a bore. These comfortable foam sandals leave a clear message behind you, so you can give the command without opening your mouth. Trips to the beach will get a lot cheaper and easier now that your minions know exactly what to do.
Men of discerning tastes should not suffer the indignity of walking back and forth from the couch to the kitchen for a beer. We put a man on the moon for God’s sake. Hand-made by Amish craftsmen and built to last for generations, this is no flimsy Walmart furniture. Class out the wazoo.
Going to college means getting up and motivated for early morning classes, often after a late night of doing what college is really about - homework, right? It’s easy for students to forget to set an alarm, or to select PM instead of AM before passing out, from all that learning. A smart alarm clock can be programmed ahead of time to match their class schedule. On Monday it knows to go off at 7 in the morning, but on Tuesday it lets them sleep it off till 10.
We can’t emphasize this enough: you ride the motorized cooler full of drinks to the party, you drink its contents, and then you WALK it back home. Nobody wants to be the guy on the news who got arrested for drunk driving an empty cooler. So stay safe.
Lottery tickets are a great gift you can pick up at your local convenience store, that come with a serious upside. If they win big you may get a piece of the action. Lottery tickets are often things that people won't buy for themselves, believing that they never win anything, but who could help but get their hopes up when you present them with a dozen chances to strike it rich and travel the world in a super yacht?
Keep your head and face warm without the commitment (or testosterone) it takes to grow an actual beard! These knit beanies with detachable face fur are as funny as they are functional. From biker to barbarian, Viking to vagabond, there is a Beard Head for every taste and style.
The years spent in college are the ones where teenagers turn into young adults and are ready to take on the world. Even so, it’s not uncommon for them to miss their own little corner of the globe from time-to-time. Make their dorm room a home away from home with a candle that will remind them of their roots. It’s the perfect way to cure homesickness.
One thing about living with a roommate for the first time in college is that, typically speaking, your lives are both a mess. This leads to the problem of confusing your stuff for theirs, among other things. The best way to avoid this problem? Have stuff that looks nothing like anyone else’s. A laser cut wooden notebook is a great start. The beautiful and intricate designs are like an anti-accidental theft device. Much more effective than yelling, “Put that down, that’s mine!”
Studies show that short naps can significantly improve mental performance. Here is their very own plush, portable head enclosure, so no matter where they are, they can take a nap so peaceful they’ll be angry that they woke up. Angry and smart as hell.
Here is a compilation of tips, tricks, hints and advice for the college bound student. For example, did you know that instead of taking a shower and cleaning up their dorm room they can spread dry tea bags around to absorb the odor? Or instead of keeping their shoes off the coffee table they can use oil and vinegar to get the scratches out. There are lots of useful ideas in here that can help one navigate through these challenging years of academics and hygiene.
When you send your kids off to college, you try not to think about all the bad things that can happen on a given day with nobody responsible to look after them. Contusions, scrapes, broken bones, burns, gouges, dislocations, etc. Anyway, it’s not your problem anymore. Ship them off with a clean conscience.
The last thing they need is more stuff, and at the end of it all it’s really the experiences that they will cherish the most. Help them create some new memories to look back on by finding a fun activity to do locally. Be adventurous and choose something they’ve near done before. It’s a gift that will enrich their life and yours too.
Time to do some studying before you arrive on campus. Get some sage advice on how to avoid the most common pitfalls of college freshmanhood, from someone who’s been there and done that. They’ll sit back and laugh at their classmates as their lives unravel.
They will make lots of friends in college, and some of them will be grimy as hell. Their roommates’ friends will be even worse. And their roommates will possibly be worse still. This handheld vacuum not only leaves everything it touches spotless, it eliminates most of the things you don’t want to catch while sitting on the couch or walking across the bathroom floor.
God, do we even have to explain this one? It’s unlikely you remember a single house party from your college days where something or someone did not end up aflame. Or maybe you didn’t go to a state school. But it’s always better safe than sorry. Even more, better safe than on fire.
Look, we know that not everybody needs to have a giant five pound gummy bear, but not everybody technically needs pants, either. Having a giant gummy bear is like having a pair of pants: once you have one, it is hard to imagine life without it. The point is that need has nothing to do with it.
Show your appreciation and love symbolically and financially at the same time. What lasts longer in a college student’s dorm room/apartment: a dozen roses, or a dozen wads of cash? We’re betting on the former, but now you can find out.
Rugged, non-slip, waterproof, and shockproof, this rock-solid external hard drive will keep their data safe no matter how hopelessly clumsy or reckless they are. USB 2.0 and 3.0 compatible and built like a tank. The coordination-challenged student’s best friend.
The perfect portable self-defense device/sock-under-the-bed finder. If they had these in horror movies, everyone would still be alive. Compact and heavy-duty, this stun gun flashlight will fit right in their purse or sit comfortably on their nightstand for when their roommate sneaks in to steal their favorite shirt again.
This giant bean bag is big enough for two, but it’s so comfortable they may not want to share it. Study in luxury or take a long nap between exams. Either way, we promise they’ll find a use for this that they soon can’t live without. But beware: just like their last questionable relationship, people have been known to disappear into these for months.
This shiny, meticulously crafted piece of fine art is so beautiful and weird that it will fit in absolutely anywhere. Their little sister will think it’s hilarious, their friends will be confused but impressed, and their art teacher will recognize them as a true connoisseur. Time to level up their art game.
This white noise machine makes sleeping in even the most raucous frat house a breeze. Compact and fully adjustable, it will drown out the sound of their roommates playing beer pong, dancing, yelling, or doing whatever fun activity they have decided to forego out of a sense of responsibility to their future.
Mark Manson seriously doesn’t give a f*ck, and he wants you to not give a f*ck too. Despite its (not so subtle) title, this book isn’t about not caring. It’s about not caring about the things that don’t matter so you can give your energy to the things that do. Straightforward, contrarian, and positively life-changing.
They’ve survived this far living outside the bubble, but why push their luck? Give them this insanely fun inflatable bubble ball, and hope they’re inside it the next time they do something indescribably stupid. A great way to insulate themselves against life’s hard uncertainties.
In case you’re not aware, death is always clawing its way into you through every pore. Make sure everyone else knows this too by giving them this book. College students are especially clueless. Shatter their precious illusions of health and vitality, in the most entertaining and hilarious way possible. A perfect gag gift for your favorite hypochondriac.
We all get sick of real life from time to time, and that extends to the things we put in our mouths. These tablets, made from the West African miracle berry, alter taste perception by turning sour flavors to sweet. Drink a bottle of lemon juice like it’s Kool-Aid, or eat a lime like it’s a strawberry. Guaranteed to confuse, worry, and astound everyone you know.
Only a complete tool gives an empty toolbox as a gift. We know you’re better than that, and you know it too. Enter the Loaded Toolbox — the prime companion of the jack of all trades. This is the classic entry level gift, the rite of passage into handyman or handywoman-hood. Life is a long journey full of creaky door hinges, rusty bolts, and other mechanical nuisances. Give them the tools they need — literally — to navigate this unforgiving landscape.
A mountain of textbooks to be read and plenty of essays to be written would leave anyone in need of a good dose of caffeine. Four years’ worth of reading and writing makes coffee just about as essential as a pen and paper. Good thing your favorite college student has you on hand to provide them with this essential piece of equipment.
You’d be surprised what passes for research these days. A show like Game of Thrones can replace the hours a student would have had to spend poring over Machiavelli’s The Prince and the Kama Sutra. Come to think of it, they might not teach those books in college. Whatever. Learning is learning.
One of the things about college is that, while you do learn many useful things, you also learn a lot of stuff that sounds nice but doesn’t actually work. It’s good to balance that out with some really terrible things that do work, even if you kind of wish they didn’t. That’s pretty much this whole book.
Some college students suffer from a rare disorder in which their chemistry and history text books fail to put them to sleep. In that case, they should be read in the glow of this NASA designed light bulb, which filters out blue light to help stimulate production of melatonin. Help them re-establish a healthy reaction to learning.
College is probably the first time that they’ve lived away from home and something that they can never be too prepared for. This little book of instructions will give them all the advice they need to survive four years at their academic institution and come out the other side ready and raring to take on the world.
Escape the stressors of the real world by venturing into the virtual land of, well, whatever some demented programmer came up with. Virtual reality applications are expanding all the time into areas no one ever thought of, and pretty soon everyone is going to want one of these. Help a college student you know get on the VR train first.
For many wide-eyed young adults, the future looks ripe with opportunity as they imagine the glorious journey they’ll have while turning all their dreams into realities. Of course we know, most of those dreams will not materialize and many enthusiastic attempts at success will end in miserable failure. As this enlightening book explains, this seemingly endless floundering is actually the typical path towards real prosperity. Most of the important lessons in life are learned through mistakes and failures, lessons that culminate at some point (even if through sheer brute force and stubborn determination) in eventual success.
Nothing adds a bit of natural flair to an outdoor party better than a large piece of fruit that gets you drunk. Just hollow out a watermelon, insert the tap, and fill it up with your favorite beverage. Let them show off their inner DIY in the coolest way possible.
It has been prophesied that the apocalypse will not come via comet or nuclear war, it will come when the world’s caffeine sources dry up. But that’s not for another 15 or 20 years. Until then, it should be approached with a complete lack of self-control. Give them a leg up with a buzz you should need a prescription for.
Whether it’s the simple act of putting together a résumé or the shifty art of mastering office politics, a new or soon-to-be graduate needs guidance from someone who has had their boots on the ground. They’ve put all this work into getting smart; don’t let them get stomped by some stone-dumb backstabber with a better plan.
Help alleviate their fear of the unknown by bombarding them with all the sordid details upfront. Bestselling syndicated advice columnist Harlan Cohen will hold their proverbial hand as they navigate the choppy waters of college freshmanhood. Prepare them for their first adventure living away from home so they can take the weird in stride.
Finally, you can write freehand on your computer without ruining the screen. This combination bluetooth pen/receiver captures your silly little doodles and saves them as digital files. Save your notes without having to type them into a word processor.
You have to admit: after a spaceship, this really is the mother of all gifts. And unlike the spaceship, they’ll know how to use a laptop. From paper writing to research to visual design, a laptop is an indispensable piece of equipment that will get constant use. If they don’t give you a sincere, wholehearted thank you for this, you have strict permission to never talk to them again.