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Men of discerning tastes should not suffer the indignity of walking back and forth from the couch to the kitchen for a beer. We put a man on the moon for God’s sake. Hand-made by Amish craftsmen and built to last for generations, this is no flimsy Walmart furniture. Class out the wazoo.

Back in the days before society and political correctness and cell phones went and made everyone soft, you would smash an insect, rodent, or other small intruder with your bare hands, and if you were poor enough, you’d add it to whatever you were making for dinner, because it’s cheaper than buying fancy store seasonings. But that’s pretty old school, and we understand that most people have gotten off that bus. It’s a lot easier just to vacuum stuff up and be done with it.

Nothing beats the comfort of lounging around the house, enveloped in something much larger than yourself, unless that something is a giant snake, the crushing anxiety of an ever-uncertain future, or a sense of guilt for that awful thing you said at last year’s family picnic. A giant knit blanket helps to smother any of these undesirable feelings, leaving one with a sense of warmth and security.

Spilled alcohol and broken glass simply don’t fit with the luxury life. Let the lowbrows balance their stemware on the wet, glossy surface of the tub like the hapless fools they are. Your friends and loved ones deserve better. Bring some peace of mind to their relaxation hour.

Vacuuming will no longer feel like a chore with this powerful canister strapped to their back. Liberating and sporty, this dust-defeating, crumb-eating soldier of suction is strictly reserved for today’s most ambitious and orderly housekeepers. The latest in domestic fitness regimens, this lightweight apparatus will strengthen their core while reducing unsightly nicks on walls and unnecessary scratches on floors. Tidiness redefined.

A universal symbol of sudden inspiration and creativity, the Eureka! lamp is a great way to remind them of those cherished moments of turbo-charged insight that aid in the creation of some of the world’s greatest inventions. And unlike the real thing, it turns on whenever they want it to. Inspiration is a fickle companion, but their appliances shouldn’t be. This beautiful and sturdy desktop lamp will illuminate their physical space, and who knows, maybe even help turn on their inner Eureka! light.

We all like to think we’re larger than life, but in truth we’re really just branches on the grand tree of our ancestry. Screw that, most of us are just leaves at best. Some of us are maybe just a little speck of caterpillar vomit on one of those leaves (you know who you are). Your family tree doesn’t have to be that detailed though.

Don’t just give them one piece of art, build them a gallery. We’re not expecting you to go and build an actual gallery complete with gift shop but we think they’ll be just as impressed with this gift. A digital art museum lets them curate a unique art collection and makes the perfect gift for any art enthusiast. They can even upload their own artistic creations if they’re handy with a paintbrush themselves.

Many scientists consider smell to be the strongest of the human senses, tied up so intimately as it is with emotions and memories. It’s also sometimes the most neglected aspect of the home. You know who we’re talking about. Help that person craft a more sensuous and pleasing atmosphere for everyone who steps inside.

What could be better for serving drinks at the round table than a knight in shining armor packed full of liquor? This full suit of Gothic plate armor makes your home a castle while also defending guests and homeowners alike from the ravages of thirst. Sword not included.

Sure, it will be strange when you have to get that cheek swab from them without them knowing what you’re up to, but it will all make sense when you reveal this custom portrait that showcases their unique DNA. Or you could just give them the DNA collection kit as the gift if that’s easier. Or just swab your dog. They’ll never know the difference.

It used to be the only way to smell like your favorite alcohol was to get so drunk it came out of your pores. Although a few people have probably tried using whiskey as cologne, too. Thank god someone finally came up with a better solution. Beer soap uses real craft beer ingredients to make rich, fragrant soap that not only smells great but nourishes your skin with natural vitamins and nutrients.

Everyone used to have that one weird friend who would set up a portable swimming pool in the middle of the living room just so they could take a bath and watch TV at the same time. Now technology allows them to bring the TV to the bathtub, not the other way around, in the form of a small tablet. But electronics and water still don’t really mix that well, so you need something like this. Provides space for food, beverages, soap, aromatherapy candles, entertainment, and whatever else they might want within arm’s reach while soaking away their worries.

Nothing makes a home feel unique like incorporating art into its basic function. Modernism is all about austerity and total lack of decoration, and these light switch covers are like a stick in the eye of that architectural philosophy. If you know a steampunk fan who’s decorating their house, they’ll go ape over these. You don’t have to understand. Just trust us.

Every home should be protected from the elements, including those some careless soul drags in with their boots. Unlike you, this doormat can absorb 12 pints without making strange accusations or bringing up the past. One of the few home additions that makes a better houseguest out of everyone.

The fire escape is a staple of the urban landscape. Most people are too scared to use them in an emergency anyway, so they’re really just a decorative addition. At least this one holds your pictures and flower pots. Help someone give their new loft, studio, or suburban mcmansion a gritty, fashion-forward vibe with this unique gift.

Back when old people were kids, shadow puppeteering was accepted as a legitimate skill. That meant holding your hands in front of a light to create rudimentary animal shapes on the wall, because there was no internet. These candleholders are a serious step up. Just try making a mature cedar with your hands. Ok, stop. It’s not going to happen.

Le Corbusier would approve of this modernist aquarium, with its crisp right angles, flat white finish, and complete lack of adornment. This is the home for the discerning fish who thinks the standard glass bowl is for uncultured bottom feeders. The only choice for the sophisticated goldfish.

Symbolic furniture is all the rage. Champagne lovers will feel tipsy when they see this decorative and functional living room table that pays homage to their favorite beverage. Then maybe you can buy them that dining room table shaped like a cow. Or that butt-shaped toilet seat cover. So many choices in this category.

Thieves these days can break into any safe, as the movies attest to. The key is in fooling them. Storing valuables inside an innocuous-looking clock is the perfect way to foil any evil plan. When you’re this clever, you don’t even need to lock things up.

There’s no better way to wash off the stress and anxiety of a long day than with a bath bomb. Turns out they’re great for healing too. Like aromatherapy and hydrotherapy all rolled into one, bath bombs help soothe and relax aching joints and muscles while infusing the air with the calming, rejuvenating fragrance of essential oils. It's a little gift that will help her unwind in a big way.

In the land of the drunk, there are two categories: the worldly and the degenerate. Everyone else is sober. This old world globe bar sends a not-so-subtle signal which one they belong to. Help them appear wise and fascinating by appropriating the air of an intrepid explorer, even if they’ve never left the state.

This isn’t what the author meant when he said, “These words stand on their own,” but it sure does create a unique effect. And it’s sure to confuse small children and old people. Minimalism is old hat. Say hello to invisiblism with this creative gift.

So you’ve decided to get her a bomb kit? Scour the internet and you’ll find instructions for making the worst kind of gift imaginable. But instead of making one that blows up, why don’t you teach her how to make a bath bomb? No costly medical bills or long, drawn out criminal trials. Just an explosion of peace and relaxation.

These candles are formulated to smell like your home state. Good thing nobody told them that when you’re home all you really smell is burned turkey and your brother-in-law’s beer farts. This is more like the idealized version of your home smell, the kind of false memory someone wants to take with them when they leave.

With the gift of consciousness comes the burden of consciousness. Knowledge is heavy, and many a man has succumbed under its implacable weight. Celebrate the wonderful danger of ideas with this poor terrified effigy of a man on the verge of seeing his brief, harried existence crushed like an ant under the lumbering foot of human thought.

Literature and booze have long been intertwined in an unholy alliance of sorts, but this book-shaped flask container takes that tradition and makes it into a real-life, physical metaphor. And unlike most metaphors, this one can help you get drunk on the sly. What looks like an innocuous, nondescript book - the kind filled up with words and ideas and whatnot - is nothing but a devious ploy to camouflage a secret stash of the old firewater. Oh, the devilry they’ll get away with now.

Sitting on the throne, for lack of a better term, isn’t the place where you tend to feel at your most gallant, but every king or queen needs a loyal knight to serve them and we’ve found just the man for the job. Always at hand when they need him the most, he won’t shy away from coming to their aid in even the most, er, challenging of situations.

This may sound like a recklessly bold claim, but we have the studies to prove it. We took all the blankets in the world and rubbed them up against a very soft person, then listened to how much they cried. This one elicited a mere whisper.

Here’s some art that really grows on you. A hanging garden that can be placed on any wall in the house, it can add a bit of unexpected life to an interior space. The frame comes decked out with easy-to-care-for succulents, so you don’t have to worry about giving this to someone with a brown thumb.

This unique gift is a great way to boost their reputation for having supernatural powers, and when they run out of wine they can use this magic rope to walk their invisible tiny-necked dog.

It’s been said that there are no straight lines or sharp corners in nature. And while it came from the mouth of a very smart man, it’s actually kind of a dumb thing to say, and not true at all. But we’re sure he had a point. These hexagonal planters are further proof that straight lines and nature go hand in hand like…well, like two hands.

This is the perfect choice for their bedside reading lamp - a light bulb that actually promotes sleep. Typical bulbs emit a specific type of blue light that suppresses melatonin, but that wavelength of color is filtered out of this bulb that is used by NASA to help astronauts sleep in space.

For the true art connoisseur, sometimes a poster reproduction of a famous work just isn’t enough. And no, you’re not going to fool them with a “really nice” giclée print off Amazon. These are real, one-of-a-kind, straight from the hand of the artist genuine pieces. Whether it’s a canvas painting, a piece of modernist furniture, or an $18,000 metal balloon dog, there’s something for everyone here (and, believe it or not, for any budget if you’re willing to dig a little).

A visual display of a prolific traveler’s cartographic conquests, this map comes alive as they scratch away each region visited. Modern modes of transport have made the world a very small place. Checking into each sovereign nation on earth is within the realm of possibility for anyone with moderate wealth and an abundance of time. Here’s the wall art to help them prove it.

Zen gardens were created hundreds of years ago to promote tranquility and help with meditation. But not everyone has the space, the patience, or the design acumen to pull off a real Zen garden without making it look like a 7th grade art project. So sometimes it’s best to keep it simple (how Zen, don’t you think?). This mini white sand garden comes with rocks and fake birds that can be arranged in whatever shape the owner pleases, along with two miniature rakes and a tiny broom to create patterns in the sand. Fits right on a desktop or coffee table to provide that little dose of meditative bliss.

If you know someone that has a bit of a competitive streak, we think we’ve got the perfect gift for them. Be prepared to go toe-to-toe with their bishops, knights and queens as you try to outmaneuver and outdrink them. In this game of chess it’s not just your king that needs to be last man standing.

If they didn’t have a germ phobia before, help them develop one before it’s too late. Once you explain how much this vacuum catches that was missed before, they’ll start to notice germs everywhere. Just realize you’ll be hanging out at their house from now on.

Most people poop incorrectly. With all that practice you’d think we’d all be good at it. The Squatty Potty gets the body in the correct posture and claims to help with all sorts of health issues. It’s a great gift since all things toilet related are inherently funny.

A true surrealist is not going to put up with the mere harnessing of electricity. These brightly colored artistic lamps are a gravity-defying nod to the unreality of existence. Fun, functional, and funky. Give the laws of physics a slap in the face.

Sometimes you wind up on the mucus train and just can’t find a way off, like a hobo locked in the last freight car on the Burlington Northern. Thankfully, relief is just an arm’s length away. Unlike the hobo, you don’t have to resort to rat eating or pooping in the woods. This gift adds a little industrial-historical touch to someone’s living room and reminds them how easy they have it.

Give frequent travelers the opportunity to regale their house guests with stories of the time they were in wherever. This foam-backed map lets travelers chart their journeys with tiny flags and other markers and can be printed with any message the recipient chooses. A classy gift that looks great in any room.

Machines have done so much for us, yet we continue to treat them as second or third class citizens. Celebrate their pensive side and help raise awareness for robot rights with this durable, functional cast iron lamp. Because if we don’t take care of them, one day they may stop taking care of us.

Certain small items like keys, wallet, and sunglasses have a bad habit of getting lost when they’re most needed, so it’s nice to have a dedicated spot for them. Ikea probably has a solution for that, but for the love of god, it’s time to stop relying on the Swedish to solve all of your problems. This nice man in Oregon put together a very unique bowl that would look great on someone’s coffee table.

Nothing makes a house feel like home more than some unique wall art. Each sticker can be repositioned however they want, making this interactive and reconfigurable. Let their imagination soar with these beautiful natural silhouettes.

Philosophers have long argued over the appropriate verb to attach to the concept of time. Does it pass? Flow? Fly? Disappear? In the landscapes of the world’s most famous surrealist, it melts. Yeah, we’re not sure what to make of that either. But everyone loves this clock.

We’re not sure how far the constitution goes as far as ring marks on tables are concerned, but if you know someone who’s passionate about defending their household surfaces then you might just hit a bullseye with this present. This set of heavy duty coasters are as much a conversation starter as they are a conservation effort so we’d definitely take a shot on them if we were you.

Some people need visual feedback in order to understand their progress. With these right and left brain bookends, they can literally watch as their mind expands with each book added to the shelf. Of course, they still have to read them to absorb the knowledge. Let’s hope you don’t have to explain that.

It’s a fact: FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) knows no bounds, and it doesn’t rest just because you want it to. Life goes on while you’re in the shower, moving forward at light speed, leaving you in its dust. Social media is a cruel world and it brakes for no one. But for every problem raised by technology, there is an elegant solution - and in this case that solution is a shower curtain. Who would have thought?

If you want some world class street art in your house, you can wait for someone like Banksy to break in and paint something on your wall, but most likely that’s not going to happen. And if someone does break in and paint your walls, you’re probably not going to like what they do. It’s better to play it safe and go with one of the classics, like one of these wall art decals based on famous Banksy paintings. A much neater, more controllable way to be vandalized.

If you think that intoxicating substances and baseball don’t mix, consider that Doc Ellis once pitched a no-hitter while tripping on acid, and old time icons like Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, and Harry Caray were pretty much drunk all the time. This unique and meticulously crafted centerpiece is more proof of the divine intersection between the national pastime and…the other national pastime.

Take decorating to a whole new dimension with this spectacular light display. Intrigue passersby with these dangling diamonds lighting up the night sky. Distant life forms might be compelled to communicate once they catch a glimpse of these streaming signals. This is mood lighting redefined and on the move.

People get high on the strangest things these days, like oxygen. You may never have thought of oxygen as something people would use recreationally, but many high end spas and resorts charge around $1 per minute to breathe air with a higher concentration of oxygen. Another thing you might not know, too high a concentration can actually be harmful to breathe. These machines capture ambient air, filters it, and pumps it out with 43% more oxygen, which is the right amount to achieve the desired effects.

The gentle, even pressure of a weighted blanket has been proven to reduce anxiety and ease insomnia by lowering the activity of the nervous system and increasing serotonin levels. It may sound like magic, but it’s not. It’s science, which is like magic plus reality. A weighted blanket helps people with anxiety issues, ADHD, autism, chronic stress, and more. It’s like a gentle giant holding you down and saying, “You’re not going anywhere, so you might as well sleep.” Except not nearly as terrifying.

There’s nothing sadder than a gardener without a garden. This vertical indoor planter is the perfect gift for someone whose green-fingers are itching to sow, tend and water, but who lives in an apartment block and just doesn’t have the outdoor space usually required. Now they can garden on their kitchen wall!

It may look like a refrigerator to you, but to a wine bottle it feels like a 5-star luxury spa. Wine has its own temperature at which it likes to repose, and if you grant your bottles their wish, they’ll repay you by not turning to vinegar. This modern cellar’s compact design is perfect for that wine lover who doesn’t want to take up the entire basement with a traditional wine rack - or who doesn’t have a basement at all. Whether they fill it with rare vintage or 2-buck chuck, now all of their wine can relax in style.

You have made so many memories together and this personalized frame will help you commemorate them all. You can choose which photos to include together, or just the ones you want to include within your own name, which is a great idea unless one of you has a much longer name than the other, in which case we encourage a celeb-style blended moniker. Think, ‘Brangelina’ or, ‘Bennifer’.

Look, soap is great. Nobody’s denying that. But you have to realize that while it does make you clean, it doesn’t accomplish the one thing that so many people wish it did: cover them in chocolate. For obvious reasons, however, being covered in chocolate is a somewhat dubious goal. After all, they would have to wash it off right away to avoid getting it on the furniture. This chocolate soap is the perfect compromise: they get to cover themselves in chocolate and somehow get cleaner at the same time. And wow, it really smells good too.

What hard working person has not at one time wished for a warm-blooded giant to place his hands on their shoulders and ease their weary muscles? That was the inspiration behind this cordless neck and shoulder heat wrap. Aches and pains simply melt away under its heavenly influence, and with a maximum temperature of 120 degrees, it reaches the really deep muscles that no giant can soothe without inflicting skeletal injury.

From the tree of holy union springs forth the fruit of humanity. That’s not from the Bible, but you could probably get away with saying it is. Not that this piece of family art needs any explanation. This elegant representation of the famous family tree metaphor allows the owner to display the fruit of their loins, and the fruit of their ancestors’ loins, proudly for all to see. Genealogy is a beautiful thing, especially when presented like this.

Deep inside every adult relaxing on a sofa, loveseat, or recliner is a kid who’s longing to be lounging in a good ol’ beanbag chair. In other words, beanbags are what the people want, conventional furniture be damned. After all, they are relaxing, charmingly informal, unpretentious, fun, and extremely comfortable. If only everyday life conformed to your wishes the way a giant beanbag conforms to the contours of your body. And beanbags are very stylish in their own way — you can call it “slacker chic.” Help someone unleash their inner lazy child with one of these.

In the age of AI and computer automation, we need to resist the machines any way we can. This is a great way to start — with a hand-cranked portable washing machine. The manual washing machine is a perfect statement of self-sufficiency and independence, and it’s a wonderful way to recruit someone you know into the resistance. It also allows the user to get the laundry done while on the road, while camping far away from electricity, or even during a hypothetical apocalypse. All in all, it’s a necessary tool in today’s world. The revolution starts here.