There are few things that will enrage a high-level cook more than preparing all of the ingredients for a 5-star meal, only to find that the cilantro, parsley, or basil has degraded into a brown, slimy mess. More than a few unsolved murders have likely resulted. And what’s worse, some of that rotten herbage probably gets tossed into the recipe anyway, and some of that food probably gets served to you. Are you starting to see why you should buy one of these for your friends and family?
Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.
The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.
They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.
One of the biggest problems with being in public is there are so many things you’re either required or tempted to touch. Door handles, ATM touchscreens, animals, garbage…the list is practically endless. And it’s all contaminated with a never-ending litany of biological hazards and impurities. Germs, chemicals, and various bodily fluids are liberally smeared upon all the surfaces of our civilization. This keychain multitool is the gift from the gods of hygiene we’ve all been waiting for.
A virtual cooking class with Gordon Ramsay is a chance to learn from a culinary master without the yelling and food punching you've seen on TV. His MasterClass lessons feature the seven-star Michelin chef in his home kitchen teaching everything from kitchen setup, buying ingredients, prepping, plating, and pairing restaurant quality recipes that wow guests. Crispy duck with red endive and spinach anyone?
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
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The Mighty Carver reciprocating knife has surgical-grade stainless steel blades with machine-cut, razor-sharp serrated edges. You can hold it as you would a regular knife with the handle in the back. Or for maximum entertainment value and the complete chainsaw effect, use the top handle. Whether or not you wear the Leatherface mask is entirely up to the tenor of your family’s sense of humor.
This kitchen appliance prints designs and photos on drink heads, cookies, or pastries using edible ink. Ideal for printing the portrait of a guest of honor on a cupcake, adding your company logo to a batch of cookies, or replicating a pet’s picture on your morning latte, it prints monochrome images up to 10 cm in diameter at 600 dpi. The printer connects to your smartphone, enabling you to add virtually any photo, image, design, or pattern from your personal library or the Internet. Comes with 60 preloaded graphics, emojis, and cartoon characters. Includes one cartridge of edible ink that prints up to 1,000 images.
This telescoping hedge trimmer provided the best cutting performance in evaluations by the Hammacher Schlemmer Institute. Its removable 20-volt lithium-ion battery drove a dual-action 20" hardened steel blade at 1,300 strokes per minute to easily cut through branches up to 5/8" diam., far superior to other units that required multiple passes. The Best unit also had the quickest charge time at just over an hour and delivered an hour of continuous use. It has a 10-position pivoting head, rotating handle, and a telescoping shaft that lets you easily reach under and above bushes up to 12' tall.
Made by Rawlings, this chair is crafted in the form of a gargantuan baseball glove, upholstered entirely with the same exceptional leather as the mitts used by professional ballplayers. The leather for this chair is selected from the top 5% of steer hides in the Midwestern U.S.—the same as used in Rawlings’ acclaimed “Heart of the Hide” baseball glove. Leveraging Rawlings’ 125 years of experience making quality sporting goods, each chair is built to order by master craftsman in the company’s St. Louis facility, who assemble the all-wood frame by hand. The chair is upholstered front and back, padded with furniture-grade foam, and rests on a solid mahogany base. Authentic details add to the chair’s convincing realism, from the 34 aluminum grommets and 30' of leather lacing wound through the fingers, to the Rawlings name branded in the “heel” of the glove. An included removable 12" square armrest is made from the same top-quality leather. The outside of the thumb can be personalized with a name up to 16 characters.
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Despite having years of experience, most people are chronic bad gifters. What they are good at is procrastination. Having learned nothing from previous failures, they start their gift search in the 11th hour with a determined optimism and every good intention. But that perfect gift is elusive, their inspiration fades, and they end up scrambling in the last minutes to settle on something that is at least acceptable. This is a senseless waste of money and a waste of an opportunity to demonstrate how thoughtful they are. Bad gifting ends here. Step away from the necktie and back up slowly. Drop the scented candle. You can do better. There is still hope for you.