If you’re like most people, you have often suspected that cats control their surroundings through telepathy. There is no other reasonable way to explain their influence on the outer world. No doubt someone you know would like to do the same, but science has yet to figure out how to turn humans into felines, so for now we have to settle for halfway solutions like this. Based on technology that detects the electrical impulses in your brain, these plush cat ears respond to your thoughts and moods with physical movement. Adding a new body part has never been easier.
It has been prophesied that the apocalypse will not come via comet or nuclear war, it will come when the world’s caffeine sources dry up. But that’s not for another 15 or 20 years. Until then, it should be approached with a complete lack of self-control. Give them a leg up with a buzz you should need a prescription for.
Every workplace has one – the serial pen thief. The colleague who loiters by your desk, eyeing up ballpoints, commenting on what a nice pen you have. Yes, Tom, that’s why it’s my pen. How should you get your revenge? Buy everyone in your office these hilarious pens from embarrassing fake businesses, and let things take their course.
Oftentimes, at our moments of greatest distress or angst, we find that we’re unable to grasp the right words to express our consternation. Luckily, the good folks at Knock Knock have discovered that most sources of discontent can be described with a simple formula that they’ve distilled down to a few checkboxes and lines of fill-in-the-blank. With this handy notepad, they’ll never again have to struggle with the indignity of not knowing WTF to say when they’re agitated.
If you enjoy the world-renowned photography of National Geographic, you’re going to love this calendar. Walmart may be a historic case-study in ruthless bottom-line economics, but it’s most remarkable as the central gathering place for the rarest specimens of rural America. Darwin may have reconsidered his fancy theory if he had one of these handy.
Great art doesn’t always take the form you’re expecting. Twitter gives everyone with a phone and an opinion to spare the chance to reach millions of people with a single ill-conceived utterance. With all that verbal garbage coursing through the airwaves, bizarre gems are certain to arise. Lest they drift away and go to waste, someone had the brilliant idea to start framing them. Move over Picasso, it’s time to make room for the real modern art.
We can’t emphasize this enough: you ride the motorized cooler full of drinks to the party, you drink its contents, and then you WALK it back home. Nobody wants to be the guy on the news who got arrested for drunk driving an empty cooler. So stay safe.
Sometimes a mirror just isn’t enough. You’ve heard it said that you are what you eat, so it stands to reason that it’s easier to digest things that already look like you. The selfie toaster is here to revolutionize your relationship to food.
Generally speaking, the last person in the room who needs more wine is the person who’s already gone feet up. But as long as that posture signals relaxation and not unconsciousness, it’s probably fine. There may be a moral grey area, but that’s not your problem. This is the perfect gift for the most shameless wino you know.
Perhaps in an elaborate joke on us all, Prank-O has managed to create a profitable business selling empty boxes. The boxes aren’t meant to remain empty, however. Prank-O encourages people to “disguise your gift in a stupid box.” So, for example, you have actually bought a very nice gift for a friend, but put it in a box that claims to contain an Earwax Candle Kit, or Bacon Scented Dryer Sheets. Imagine the look on that poor friend’s face when they think you have given them something really ridiculous, stupid and disgusting. And the relief when they realize it’s just a joke.
Like the commissioned public statues of old, the most revered among us are now immortalized in bobblehead form. In fact, being commemorated with a bobblehead is one of the highest honors that a modern man or woman can aspire to. Surely you know someone who is worthy of such a gift, whose contributions to society and their fellow travelers makes this an appropriate gesture of respect and admiration. Go ahead, place them among the great figures of history. They’ve earned it.
The infamous deepwater blobfish has been voted ugliest animal in the world. This unfinished project of Mother Nature is sadly going extinct, so enjoy them while you can. Adds a touch of charm and pity to any living room or bedroom.
Having to repeat yourself is such a bore. These comfortable foam sandals leave a clear message behind you, so you can give the command without opening your mouth. Trips to the beach will get a lot cheaper and easier now that your minions know exactly what to do.
Gnome infestations have remained a taboo subject for too long. Damn the social consequences, we must finally bring this issue into the light. Gnomes are not people, they are parasites bent on destroying everything we’ve worked so hard to build and eating all of our vegetables. Don’t worry, you don’t have to snuff them out yourself. Leave that to this merciless miniature beast.
The squirrels have been playing tricks on us for years, and most of us don’t even know it. In fact, squirrels often go way over the line. From house fires to divorces, they are responsible for untold misery, suffering, and property loss. It’s time we start giving them a taste of their own medicine. Start small. Start here.
A first impression is a dominant factor in shaping perception. A hilarious doormat begins that process even before eye contact is made. Help them ingratiate themselves with party guests, traveling salesmen, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and whoever else happens to stumble upon their threshold. A little personality never hurt anyone.
Get them started on that Bucket List while there’s time and health to finish it, with a tangible, physical bucket. They can pick an adventure whenever life permits. It's a gift that gives them the opportunity to make memories, rather than giving them a reason to make more closet space.
This thing really only exists to freak people out a little. There’s no point in pretending it serves another purpose. Oh, it also holds stuff in its surprisingly roomy inner compartment, but that’s not why you buy it. You buy it because you want passers-by to look at the person wearing it and say, “What’s with her?” It’s quirky enough to get a few laughs, and disturbing enough to never be forgotten. Dogs especially don’t like it, and we can’t really say we blame them.
You could buy them a 17 man band that could live in the corner of their den and serenade them every day, or you could just go with this unique piece of furniture that can play 17 instruments at once. Plus this pneumatically controlled Hootenanny can remember how to play 13,000 songs.
We’ll just get this out of the way now: this toy is disgusting. And for some people, it probably rivals bubble wrap for being incomprehensibly satisfying. And to boot, this doesn’t make any noise that might annoy the crap out of everyone. So this is basically a quiet, gross version of bubble wrap. And we’re willing to bet that you know someone who would think that sounds amazing. After all, it’s the simple pleasures in life that make it all worthwhile. Simple as a pimple.
Many people complain that earbuds won’t stay in their ears because they’re not the right shape. Weirder people complain that earbuds don’t make their ears look big enough. These are for the second group. If you know one of these people who also happens to be a fantasy book fan, you may have just found the greatest gift anyone will ever give them. And don’t forget, nothing earns your way into the heart of an elf like some great jams.
Give them the gift of their own personal Finland with this hot and steamy portable sauna. There’s nothing weird about rejuvenating mind and body in the comfort of home, while head and hands are free to hold a book and read outside the heat - it just looks a little weird. Okay, maybe more than a little.
The Dammit Doll is one of the best, most tactile ways to say “Dammit All!” And as anyone who’s ever had the great evolutionary fortune to be human can tell you, despite all the perks of being at the top of the food chain and being the unquestioned masters of our environment, there are plenty of reasons to say “Dammit All!” Hence the cathartic utility of the Dammit Doll. So much better than bashing the bejesus out of a real person (for both ethical and practical reasons).
Anyone who tells you that you can’t look classy drinking straight out of the bottle simply lacks imagination. And they clearly haven’t seen one of these. The best thing about using the Guzzle Buddy is the total lack of pretension. This is the perfect gift for that person who always talks about having ONE glass but never seems to achieve that level of self-control. This is a great way to say, “You don’t have to pretend. We want you to be who you are. We just want you to look better doing it.”
There are few human features as noble and worthy of regard as the hair-adorned man-chest. But modern clothing conventions often make it difficult to display this emblem of male virility in the many social situations, especially among respectable company. Luckily for all of us, some intrepid clothing designer has figured out how to right this travesty. The hairy chest shirt is the solution to one of society’s most pressing problems. If we can solve this, imagine what breakthroughs are just around the corner.
Keep your head and face warm without the commitment (or testosterone) it takes to grow an actual beard! These knit beanies with detachable face fur are as funny as they are functional. From biker to barbarian, Viking to vagabond, there is a Beard Head for every taste and style.
A certain percentage of the population has a strong obsession with animal butts. Most of them are under 10 years old - the ones who aren’t end up making things like this for a living. Go on, admit that you want to pull a tissue out of this cat’s butt. No one’s going to care. As long as you’re only pulling things out of the rectums of figurines and other likenesses, there’s no problem. Watching the recipient’s reaction to this gift can probably tell you a lot about them…we’re just not sure what.
This sculpture is not, despite all appearances, the work of some sort of demented robot clown, but it is the perfect housewarming gift for the person who appreciates a little whimsy with their modern art. It’s a wonderful conversation starter, and it will never, ever pop.
Jellyfish are some of nature’s most mesmerizing, beautiful, and sublime creations. They’re also a lot harder to care for than a goldfish. Thankfully, you can get the same visual effect with synthetic jellyfish and some creative lighting. A way cooler version of the classic lava lamp.
Beer pong and flip cup are old beer guzzling classics, but the generous space requirements make them off-limits for so many gatherings. Starting now, that all changes. These mini versions of the venerable frat house games may be small, but the way they test your fine motor skills presents a large challenge indeed. Set up shop on a coffee table, desk, floor, or any other available area, and see who has the nerves of steel required to perform under pressure.
It probably makes more sense to call this a sleeping suit than a sleeping bag, but whatever. With it’s rubberized feet and quick release hand openings, a person can walk around and drink hot cocoa without ever leaving the warmth of their sleeping bag.
Perfect for lazy Sunday mornings on the bridge, these Original Show style bathrobes come in gold, blue, or red, and feature an embroidered insignia above the left breast and rank stripes on the arms. Drink coffee and explore the quadrant in these 100% cotton or microfleece ultra-casual uniforms.
No matter how much you love your friends and family, at some point you get tired of looking around the room and seeing the same faces. However, it’s often considered rude to throw people out because you no longer want to look at them. But what if there was a way to get them to voluntarily change their faces? With a set of assorted face coasters, you can do just that. Best of all, everyone thinks it’s a fun little game, and nobody suspects what you’re really up to.
For the musician who hates music, or for the kid whose parents you hate, there is the Otamatone, a “musical” instrument that makes the bagpipes seem reasonable. A touch sensitive bar on the neck changes pitch, while the little mouth at the bottom “sings” when squeezed. It all makes perfect sense (in Japan).
Learn why playing Russian roulette is a bad idea the safe way with this hilarious gag toy set. Just fill a balloon with water (or blood, whatever), secure it inside the ring, put it next to your head, and pull the trigger. A little pin may or may not pop the balloon. And nobody gets hurt.
Subtlety is not a quality that is often attributed to remarkable butts. From Brazilian calendar models to Dave in HR (in whose wake no sane person walks), the human posterior tends to grab attention forcefully, or not at all. A small company with a social conscience is looking to change that. Enter Subtle Butt, the fashion accessory you wish everyone else had.
We like to think of chickens in two categories: free-roaming farm animals, and dinner. But the truth is that nothing is stopping you from domesticating and civilizing this iconic barnyard fowl. In fact, for someone seeking a pet with that “huh?” factor - the one that is sure to turn heads - the chicken makes a fine choice indeed. The only thing stopping them is the question of how they’ll walk it. Petco may not carry chicken harnesses, but fortunately for whoever gets this gift, Amazon sure does.
Aggression sometimes gets a bad name, but the truth is that it’s only dangerous if misdirected. Many things in life should be aggressively pursued, such as happiness, growth, meaning, contribution — all of the warm and fuzzy stuff you see on posters. However, some people also feel the impulse to aggressively pursue verbal confrontation, or worse, opportunities to punch other people’s faces. For these folks, alternative avenues of release are really helpful. Here’s an opportunity to bring one of these alternative avenues to the most stressful environment of all: the workplace.
Ostriches can be terrifying beasts, especially when tired – and who can blame them, wouldn’t you be bad-tempered if you had wings but couldn’t fly? For your friend who really shouldn't miss their nap, this light and sound cancelling pillow will make sure they emerge fresh and amiable, unlike the ill-tempered ostrich they were 20 minutes earlier.
Pillow cases are an underrated element of home decor. When you see someone who has great taste in pillow cases, you know they’ve got the juice. It also says a lot about someone’s character when they display such affection for their pets. Being at the very tip-top of the food chain, we could just eat all the animals if we wanted to. Instead, we offer some of them companionship, and if they’re cute enough we even put their faces on things. These are noble gifts for a noble human.
One of the real barriers for many people to enjoying champagne to the fullest is the sense of pretension that surrounds this exalted beverage. It’s a pretension that permeates and infuses the entire experience, just like the bubbles that give champagne its famous zing. At last, someone has invented the perfect tool for de-snootifying the most famous of sparkling wines. Now, they can finally enjoy champagne the way they have always wanted - with no sense of class or dignity whatsoever.
Gummy bears used to be cute until you knew what was inside of them. Pass the word on with this realistic larger-than-life plastic illustration of the insides of what used to be your favorite candy. Don’t let the candy manufacturers get away with this disgusting ruse any longer.
Before he was “da man”, Leonardo da Vinci was just another screwball messing around with things that everyone else laughed at. Later on, some of those silly ideas matured into aircraft drawings that happened to be centuries ahead of their time. To this day they stand as a testament to the power of letting your imagination run off and do its own thing. You probably wouldn’t want to be a test pilot for any of these, but they are an invaluable learning and creativity tool.
Among this gift’s many wonderful attributes is that it never runs out - so it’s always there, always in the same condition in which you bought it. It also never breaks, can’t be stolen, needs no virtual updates, has no hidden costs or fees, and may or may not be the source of everything (we haven’t yet confirmed). In so many ways, it’s the perfect gift.
Your friend or loved one may have already started to suspect something about the inherent absurd futility of life. If not, then perhaps you can inform them with this gift, which is an extraordinarily apt illustration of the horrifying predicament in which we the living find ourselves. Doing exactly what it says on the package, this box has no purpose other than to instantly turn itself ‘off’ when you try to turn it ‘on’. Despite being useless, we have to admit it does have a certain charm.
The great thing about retirement is that you can finally say whatever the hell you want, because you’re no longer bound by the normal financial and social rules. If you put it on a business card, they can say it without even having to open their mouths. Help make retirement a time of great relaxation and catharsis.
This made-to-order voodoo doll is the perfect gift for your most vengeful friend. Just send in an image of who you want the doll to resemble, and the magic happens as your friend pushes pins into the doll’s most sensitive areas. Just be sure it doesn't look anything like you.
Feeling parched? Snuggle up to this double-fisted bosom and quench your thirst with some nectar of the gods. Best suited for full-bodied reds, this bra bar will serve up the finest burgundies, cabernets and merlots with seduction and sporty spunk. Thick or thin, the legs on this wine-lover’s paradise make consumption effortless, portable and pretty. Jug wine just got really awesome!
This bizarre cuckoo clock features characters from every weirdo’s favorite holiday movie, “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” Jack Skellington, his ghost dog Zero, and friends from Halloweentown play the song “This Is Halloween” every hour.
Perfect for those occasions when you want to give someone the moon and the stars. This set of five amazing envelopes contain accurate depictions of the sky at night. Your astronomically minded friends will be amazed at seeing the universe in a piece of folded paper. As for the moon… well, you can probably figure that one out.
Why not reward the passive-aggressive person in your life with a playful beast that best personifies the light and dark sides of their personality? Raw emotional expression can be quite therapeutic and these cuddly critters are particularly gifted when it comes to delivering love and horror with just one forcible squeeze. Lifeless teddy bears are dreadfully dull and possibly creepier than these cheeky creatures. This badass gift is sure to raise the shock factor at the next occasion!
Many trying situations call for the deployment of a nice chunk of whoop-ass, yet people who find themselves in such situations rarely have a fresh can handy. We urge you to buy these cans in bulk and give them to everyone you care about - you can rest assured they will be put to good use. Give one to someone for one of those times when their back is against the wall, the boss is breathing down their neck, they can’t catch a break, and all the other clichés are bearing down on them at the same time. Pop this baby open - it’s like a cheat code for real life.
This killer accessory is hardly a gag gift. The recipient of this fine headwear will be commanding respect on the racquetball court and sopping up sweat in style while weed whacking the front lawn. There’s something irresistibly strapping about mullets, and there’s no doubt they’ll reemerge as a hairdo trend if not in this decade, certainly the next. Of course, the lucky stallion that’s sporting this feathered mane has to have the proper attitude to match and that just can’t be taught, so give wisely, my friend!
Sometimes we hear that life is short. Here is a calendar that proves that this isn’t necessarily the case. Instead of fretting over the small mistakes in life, like telling your boss to go stick it, gain solace by looking at this calendar and seeing all of the weeks you have open to go look for a new job after being fired. Like so many things, it’s all a matter of perspective. Only a really big mistake is going to eat up a significant chunk of your life calendar. Everything else you can totally overcome.
Shittens are mitten shaped disposable moist wipes that protect hands from all kinds of crap. Never risk hand-to-poo contamination again. Shittens are FDA approved, eco-friendly, and flushable. Great for cleaning up unfortunate messes caused by toddlers and pets, or perhaps from that 3 alarm chili. Shittens will surely embarrass whoever receives this gift, but who can say there has never been a time in their lives when they could have used a Shitten or two?
As modern fashion becomes more and more demanding, and requires an ever-heavier personal commitment, it’s easy to fall behind the times and look like someone’s great-grandparent. A gold grill is a borderline necessity these days, but not everyone can afford the cost or has the inclination to undergo major dental surgery. The answer is right here.
In a world where deadlines are king, why not focus on a finish line that’s really worth celebrating? Retirement! They'll keep their eye on the prize with this optimistic ticker that will drive them to accomplish bigger and better things at work. Imagine the sweet silence of no alarm in the wee hours of the morning. Retirement will feel like it’s always right around the corner.
Why do the gullible and mentally disturbed get to have all the fun? Sometimes the rest of us want the face of Jesus on our stuff too. With this ingenious sandwich press, nobody has to question whether its a coincidence or not. This is the new face of intelligent design.
If you’re friends with the crazy cat person, you have to buy them this gift. Make them the envy of all their crazy cat friends with this toilet training kit, which will make litter boxes a thing of the past. It will also make their cat king of all the neighborhood felines, complete with his own throne to sit on.
Good luck convincing them this isn’t an acid flashback. This remote-controlled fish will be a welcome break from conventional pets that need feeding and only stay in the air for a few seconds. Holds enough helium to turn any house party into a chipmunk colony.
Chances are you’ll never get frisked in this hoodie … unless of course law enforcement wants to pat down some out-of-this-world plush “Chewie” goodness! A must-have for any Star Wars fanatic, this comfy zip-up is rugged, yet cuddly, and will grant the lucky owner instant Wookiee status. For all those drawn to space travel and epic fashion statements, this stellar jacket is light years away from all those earthly sweatshirts. Galactic greatness starts now!
There’s nothing worse than having to get up every day and be the same damn person. We all feel the pain, but it’s a rare soul who gets to branch out into alternate identities. Now you can give this invaluable gift to someone you care about. This 48-pack of gag business cards allows the owner to take on whatever persona fits their mood that day - from the mysterious to the reckless to the downright weird.
This is not your grandfather’s Kit Cat Clock, but it is, ironically the size of a grandfather clock. The modern classic gets a big size upgrade, but the iconic smile, rolling eyes, and swinging tail are all still here. You’re going to love this giant kitty.
Run, run as fast as you can, but you can’t escape from a Ninjabread Man. These stealthy holiday assassins will sneak, chop, and stab their way from oven to belly without making a sound. Turn any kitchen into a dojo with these hilarious novelty cookie cutters.
These might look like strange sea creatures or spindly metal spiders, but these spine-tingling scalp massagers will be adored by even your most arachnophobic friend. The perfect gift to take the stress out of their day – and hilarious to watch them use.
You burned dinner again and now the smoke detector is wailing. It doesn’t realize that there is no actual emergency, and that you are just a bad cook. Luckily there is this hi-tech cutting edge device to restore tranquility. Dinner on the other hand is probably ruined.
You might be wondering why we need another liquid metal to play with. Well, sometimes people lose their mercury, and then they get bored because they have to play with stuffed animals instead. Just make sure you don’t spill this on your car (see video).
Your golfing buddy can drink beer on the course without having to hide in the rough with this novelty club. Golfers can hide their short game under a "privacy towel" while they drain their personal water hazard. Give the gift of peace of mind this season.
These coins allow the coin holder to show exactly what they give for another person’s opinion, feelings, or needs. It’s one thing to offer this information; it’s another thing entirely to have the minted currency to back it up. Help a friend put his money where his lack of empathy is.
Nothing adds a bit of natural flair to an outdoor party better than a large piece of fruit that gets you drunk. Just hollow out a watermelon, insert the tap, and fill it up with your favorite beverage. Let them show off their inner DIY in the coolest way possible.
Of all the common complaints people have about their jobs - long hours, impossible expectations, a boss who can't be pleased - lunch theft is one of the most vexing. There's likely nothing they can do about many of these issues, but they can at least protect their lunch. Food Theft Deterrent Labels are a simple way to keep those would-be food pirates at bay. Because food theft is just plain wrong. It's a violation of basic decency and an absurd problem to add to the list of challenges they face at work.
Card games are a staple of the drunken party scene for a reason. They help break the ice and give people something to do through those long awkward moments early in the night when everyone is still mostly sober. They also keep those same people occupied and out of mischief later on when their inhibitions have been loosened up and they start getting ideas. Best of all, this game is simple and straightforward enough to keep anyone entertained for hours in between shots.