Your pet once ruled the kingdom, and perhaps they still do! Honor them with a beautiful and one-of-a-kind personalized Renaissance Pet Portrait. Artists will transform your pet into a stunning masterpiece. Simply select an amusing outfit and upload an image of your pet. Printed with museum-quality inks and paper, your portrait will look and feel like it belongs in a museum. If Renaissance isn't your pet's style, there a lots of other hilarious choices.
Just because they’ve joined the respectable world doesn’t mean they have to leave their backyard college party days behind. These reusable red cups are made of high-quality melamine — a durable plastic compound that looks, feels and performs remarkably like conventional dinnerware materials such as porcelain. These cups, available in a variety of shapes and sizes, bridge the aesthetic gap between high-class living and low-rent debauchery. The perfect gift for that special someone who appreciates the frathouse-chic lifestyle.
It’s no secret that many of the world’s greatest patriarchs are also preeminent flatulators. But rarely do we appropriately label or celebrate these kings of cheese cutting. Instead, we merely groan our disapproval or engage in passive-aggressive sabotage against our gaseous persecutors. It’s high time we end this behavior and extend an olive branch of acknowledgement. Here’s to celebrating Father Flatulence, Captain Cut the Cheese, Daddy Dirtblower, Old Man Mudbutt, or whatever distinguished title he carries in your household.
The LICKI brush is proof that everything has already been invented and is for sale on Amazon. Even a cat licking device. There are now no new ideas left. To repeat, LICKI is exactly what it looks like - a soft silicone brush you can hold in your mouth to lick your cat. There's no way your cat, or anyone else, will think this is weird, right?
Insulting others using common language makes one a contemptible character, a low rascal. But casting insults using the verbiage and expressions of literary masters elevates one to a rare level of nobility. Unfortunately, not everyone possesses the linguistic chops to construct their own highbrow verbal slights, and that’s where this handy chart comes in. Conveniently arranged in visual form for easy reference, it’s the perfect guide for someone who would like to be revered (instead of despised) for their nastiness.
Genetic engineering used to be the exclusive domain of science fiction and of monstrous corporations like Monsanto. And probably the Bilderberg people. Thankfully, those days are over. Now we can all play God by rearranging the genetic code of living organisms, and you can do it for less than it costs to take your family to Disney World. What could possibly go wrong? And furthermore, who cares? If we’re going to crash the planet, we might as well all have our hands on the wheel.
There are a million ways to humanize our possessions. Adding accessories, giving them names, celebrating with them, unloading our insecurities on them and blaming them for our failures…we certainly do treat them like low-grade people. One of the things some people like to do is make them cute. And what’s cuter than a car with long, luscious supermodel eyelashes? Well, depends who you ask. But chances are you know someone who’s going to melt with joy if you buy these for them. Now if only they would invent some side mirror hoop earrings to complete the look.
This prank joke box is the perfect way to make an okay present seem way better. Once they open it and realize it’s not really a VR headset for their dog, whatever you actually put inside will seem a lot better. There is really only one way this joke can go awry: if the gift you put inside is actually worse than a VR set for dogs. But then again, failure on that level is an art form in itself, which makes it a weird kind of success.
Pizza was not a luxury that the crew of the Starship Enterprise could afford as they cavorted about the known Universe on a mission to understand our own place in the cosmos. This Enterprise-shaped pizza cutter is a fine way to reflect on that profound sacrifice as we eat dinner in the climate controlled confines of our earthly homes. Our society may not have reached its utopian destiny yet, but we’ve sure done a damn fine job of making things taste good.
For many people, using chopsticks is a skill that defies mastery. Like a hopeful Zen master sitting in the forest year after year, trying to hear the sound of one hand clapping, time after time the hapless chopsticker comes up empty. Even after years of dedicated effort, the Hunan style broccoli cascades back to the plate long before it reaches the lips. So once again, The Force comes to the rescue. These are the only chopsticks that carry The Force. At long last, problem solved.
Musicians and music lovers alike know the value of getting their kids involved in music from an early age. But what about their fur babies? There’s no cat cooler than a DJ cat, and this scratching pad turntable is the purr-fect place to hone their chops.
When someone drops a bomb with your name on it, the best thing you can do is light a candle with theirs on it. Not to pray for their soul, mind you, but to cleanse the shared airways. And since it’s always best to fight heavy artillery with heavy artillery, you don’t want to settle for any old candle. You want a high quality hand-poured candle with a scent that’s strong enough to fight off that of your antagonist. The perfect gift for anyone who lives with a documented intestinal terrorist.
There are very few authentic Viking activities that are acceptable in modern society. So for the most part, we have to take what we can get. Drinking from a real, ethically harvested Viking-style bull horn drinking vessel is one of those acceptable activities. And drinking from a Viking horn vessel is more than just acceptable — it’s a recognized sign of strength, power, and valor. And in some cases, perhaps mild psychotic tendencies. But nothing society isn’t set up to handle.
Whether it happens on social media, on the set of a daytime talk show, or in the middle of an intergalactic war, few life events provide the same level of drama as a paternity revelation. And in the history of American culture, Darth Vader’s infamous announcement still trumps them all. Commemorate this landmark moment in modern cinema with a coffee mug that celebrates one of the most famous scenes of all time, and also says to Dad: “I’m glad you’re not him.”
After a long day at work, they’ll love to come home and fall face-first into the inviting crevices of this butt-shaped head haven. But this is not just a gag gift — this pillow happens to be a great shape to accommodate any sleeping position. With real butt-like tactile qualities, a silky inner lining, and removable yoga pant cover, they’ll look forward to stuffing their face right up in there every night. Soft, comforting, and ergonomical — they’ve never experienced booty sleep like this.
Celebrate America’s favorite Christmas movie all year long with this iconic leg lamp. From the tasseled shade to the fishnet stockings, this lamp screams “I have superior taste”. The lucky person who receives this will surely be inundated with compliments and admiration. Its design is taken straight from the classic movie, and it will undoubtedly conjure up some fond memories for anyone that recognizes this gem. The neighbors will be so jealous.
Feeling small and insignificant? Looking for that larger than life feeling? Need to jump safely from a great height? Try an inflatable suit. They’re great fun for any occasion, especially for first impressions, and they really make you stand out in a crowd. Inflatable suits are perfect for blind dates, job interviews, concerts or events where personal space may be limited, pushing your way to the front of the line, casual Fridays, motorcycle safety, airplane travel, hiding in pillows, and more.
Here's a gift for the older person struggling to keep up with all the latest texting lingo the young whipper-snappers are using. Much of it doesn't really apply to them anyway, unless they were to write something like "ROFL and can't get up" which should really be written ROFLACGU. Here's a set of senior texting codes that will make a whole lot more sense to them, conveniently printed as a cheat sheet on this handy coffee mug. They'll find plenty of useful shortcuts like BTW (bring the wheelchair), BFF (best friend's funeral), and WTFA (wet the furniture again).
Not everyone has had the time, genetics, or inclination to cultivate a big hairy belly. That doesn’t mean they should miss out on the chance to flaunt a big hairy belly. This lifelike bag allows man, woman, or child to experience the glory of dadbod-ness. The adjustable waist belt ensures that this manbelly will stay snug no matter what their size, and the roomy, multi-pocketed inside makes this a very functional man pouch.
One problem with our hectic modern lives is that we’re usually nowhere near nature when it calls. Instead, we’re usually in a crowd of strangers, at a public venue with horrible restroom facilities, or stuck in a traffic jam. And having to abide by the rules of social decorum means that women really get the short end of the stick. A simple portable plastic device has changed all that. With the SHEWEE, you’re not only making someone’s life easier — you’re striking a blow for urinary equality.
Who hasn’t at one time wished they could swipe a loose hand across the surface of their pillow and reveal the face of Nicolas Cage? Let that person cast the first stone. And it better be a mighty big stone, because the rest of us will be blocking it with one of these handsome plush pillows. Regardless of your judgment of him as a thespian, Mr. Cage brings an unmistakable and unique charisma to the big screen. Now let him bring that same bizarre glory to the bedroom of someone you love.
Though it is roundly considered bad taste to put socks on your face, no taboo exists against doing the opposite. In fact, rocking a pair of face socks is likely to thrust one several notches up the status meter. It’s one of the most underutilized fashion secrets known to modern man (and modern woman). The ancient books counsel that power and prestige await those who carry the human countenance upon their footwear. These are truly the gateway to greater things.
It can be hard to get the whole family to sit still for a portrait, but with generational photos you only need to get them to sit still one at a time, which can usually be accomplished with nothing more than subtle threats. Not only is that easier to manage, but with a little Photoshop magic you can turn the raw materials into a graphic representation of one little branch of your family tree. The finished product is like looking down a long hall of mirrors into your genetic history.
A rubber chicken purse may not be everyone’s idea of a tasteful accessory. But then again, screw them. Trying to please everyone is a fool’s errand. This unbelievably gorgeous and futuristic purse will instantly set the owner apart from the crowd, for better or for worse. And unlike conventional chicken purses, no animals were harmed in its making, which is why it’s futuristic. Because in the future, everyone is nicer. Pair with other animals like cats or fish for a truly stunning and harmonious look.
Card games are a staple of the drunken party scene for a reason. They help break the ice and give people something to do through those long awkward moments early in the night when everyone is still mostly sober. They also keep those same people occupied and out of mischief later on when their inhibitions have been loosened up and they start getting ideas. Best of all, this game is simple and straightforward enough to keep anyone entertained for hours in between shots.
The pink flamingo is royalty in the plastic animal kingdom. Nary a beast can approach its fame, distinction, and nobility in that realm. Its closest rival is probably the rubber chicken, but most rubber chickens don’t even have heads. And now the pink flamingo extends its influence even further by offering itself up as the guzzling vessel of choice for the most lit parties. The days of using a beer bong that looks like something their neighbor just got done using to fill his diesel tractor are long gone.
The infamous deepwater blobfish has been voted ugliest animal in the world. This unfinished project of Mother Nature is sadly going extinct, so enjoy them while you can. Adds a touch of charm and pity to any living room or bedroom.
Who knew houseplants could be so thoughtful? If you’re still finding it hard to get those three cherished words out, why not hire a bean to say it for you! This clever seedling will bear the weight of emotional expression and work double time to communicate your devotion and passion with vigor and determination. This momentous occasion calls for some creative cultivation!
Couples that have been together a while have a tendency to let themselves go a bit. Why fight it? Behold the undisputed King of the Gummy Bears. Give your sweetheart this 5 pound calorific treat and watch as they slowly devour him, one body part at a time, in a kind of perverse, reverse Build-A-Bear scenario.
Serenade your partner with this set of musical wine glasses and then get completely sloshed. The glasses need to have liquid in them to work, so, what are you going to do, just throw all that wine away? No, instead you will make beautiful music together until all the "inspiration" is gone.
The Dammit Doll is one of the best, most tactile ways to say “Dammit All!” And as anyone who’s ever had the great evolutionary fortune to be human can tell you, despite all the perks of being at the top of the food chain and being the unquestioned masters of our environment, there are plenty of reasons to say “Dammit All!” Hence the cathartic utility of the Dammit Doll. So much better than bashing the bejesus out of a real person (for both ethical and practical reasons).
Go ahead, throw this in the white elephant gift pile and see if anyone has the balls to steal it. This is the kind of gift that nobody will ever forget, for better or for worse. Its usefulness is overshadowed only by the shamelessness of its name and the absurdity of its marketing - true signs of a product with lasting power. In the context of a normal one-to-one gift giving scenario, you risk having it taken as an insult, but in a white elephant gift exchange, at the very least you’ll get a few laughs, and who knows? You might even open up a whole new world to some lucky soul in need.
Oftentimes, at our moments of greatest distress or angst, we find that we’re unable to grasp the right words to express our consternation. Luckily, the good folks at Knock Knock have discovered that most sources of discontent can be described with a simple formula that they’ve distilled down to a few checkboxes and lines of fill-in-the-blank. With this handy notepad, they’ll never again have to struggle with the indignity of not knowing WTF to say when they’re agitated.
In a world where deadlines are king, why not focus on a finish line that’s really worth celebrating? Retirement! They'll keep their eye on the prize with this optimistic ticker that will drive them to accomplish bigger and better things at work. Imagine the sweet silence of no alarm in the wee hours of the morning. Retirement will feel like it’s always right around the corner.
As your parents get older, they start forgetting things. Good memories start getting pushed out in favor of petty grievances like who forgot to take out the garbage. Enforcing positive memories through some physical, ritualized system like this can sometimes be the only way to keep them from each other’s throats. This kit comes with everything they need to record all the happy things that occur from day to day and collect them in a safe place to be relived again in the future. And it’s so much cheaper than therapy.
Progress can be harder to track when you don’t have a boss breathing down your neck anymore. Here is a solution for the retiree who doesn’t want to spend all their time feeding birds. After all, the hardest part of staying busy is coming up with the ideas. But give the old champ a set of challenges, and watch them spring to life with a renewed vigor. All it takes is a little encouragement, and maybe a slight disregard for personal safety.
Anyone who tells you that you can’t look classy drinking straight out of the bottle simply lacks imagination. And they clearly haven’t seen one of these. The best thing about using the Guzzle Buddy is the total lack of pretension. This is the perfect gift for that person who always talks about having ONE glass but never seems to achieve that level of self-control. This is a great way to say, “You don’t have to pretend. We want you to be who you are. We just want you to look better doing it.”
We like to think of chickens in two categories: free-roaming farm animals, and dinner. But the truth is that nothing is stopping you from domesticating and civilizing this iconic barnyard fowl. In fact, for someone seeking a pet with that “huh?” factor - the one that is sure to turn heads - the chicken makes a fine choice indeed. The only thing stopping them is the question of how they’ll walk it. Petco may not carry chicken harnesses, but fortunately for whoever gets this gift, Amazon sure does.
No matter where you stand on other major life issues, one thing is for sure: everything is better with cats. Or maybe just weirder. Anyway, this updated version of the classic board game is purr-fect for anyone who owns or loves cats, and even better for anyone who wishes they were a cat. In the original version of Monopoly, the goal was to collect properties until you became the fattest cat around, bullying people and putting them out of business. Cat-opoly reflects a kinder, gentler world where you simply collect cats, until you’re like one of those people you see on the reality shows.
Generally speaking, the last person in the room who needs more wine is the person who’s already gone feet up. But as long as that posture signals relaxation and not unconsciousness, it’s probably fine. There may be a moral grey area, but that’s not your problem. This is the perfect gift for the most shameless wino you know.
A certain percentage of the population has a strong obsession with animal butts. Most of them are under 10 years old - the ones who aren’t end up making things like this for a living. Go on, admit that you want to pull a tissue out of this cat’s butt. No one’s going to care. As long as you’re only pulling things out of the rectums of figurines and other likenesses, there’s no problem. Watching the recipient’s reaction to this gift can probably tell you a lot about them…we’re just not sure what.
The squirrels have been playing tricks on us for years, and most of us don’t even know it. In fact, squirrels often go way over the line. From house fires to divorces, they are responsible for untold misery, suffering, and property loss. It’s time we start giving them a taste of their own medicine. Start small. Start here.
It was only with the advent of modern society that we decided the broad world was no longer our toilet. This made us feel better about ourselves (and each other), but it’s so damn inconvenient. Thankfully some genius made this thing, which combines the best of both worlds - the carefree and the socially conscientious. Now we can feel whole again.
You might be wondering why we need another liquid metal to play with. Well, sometimes people lose their mercury, and then they get bored because they have to play with stuffed animals instead. Just make sure you don’t spill this on your car (see video).
Subtlety is not a quality that is often attributed to remarkable butts. From Brazilian calendar models to Dave in HR (in whose wake no sane person walks), the human posterior tends to grab attention forcefully, or not at all. A small company with a social conscience is looking to change that. Enter Subtle Butt, the fashion accessory you wish everyone else had.
As modern fashion becomes more and more demanding, and requires an ever-heavier personal commitment, it’s easy to fall behind the times and look like someone’s great-grandparent. A gold grill is a borderline necessity these days, but not everyone can afford the cost or has the inclination to undergo major dental surgery. The answer is right here.
Get them started on that Bucket List while there’s time and health to finish it, with a tangible, physical bucket. They can pick an adventure whenever life permits. It's a gift that gives them the opportunity to make memories, rather than giving them a reason to make more closet space.
Having to repeat yourself is such a bore. These comfortable foam sandals leave a clear message behind you, so you can give the command without opening your mouth. Trips to the beach will get a lot cheaper and easier now that your minions know exactly what to do.
We can’t emphasize this enough: you ride the motorized cooler full of drinks to the party, you drink its contents, and then you WALK it back home. Nobody wants to be the guy on the news who got arrested for drunk driving an empty cooler. So stay safe.
Aggression sometimes gets a bad name, but the truth is that it’s only dangerous if misdirected. Many things in life should be aggressively pursued, such as happiness, growth, meaning, contribution — all of the warm and fuzzy stuff you see on posters. However, some people also feel the impulse to aggressively pursue verbal confrontation, or worse, opportunities to punch other people’s faces. For these folks, alternative avenues of release are really helpful. Here’s an opportunity to bring one of these alternative avenues to the most stressful environment of all: the workplace.
Perhaps in an elaborate joke on us all, Prank-O has managed to create a profitable business selling empty boxes. The boxes aren’t meant to remain empty, however. Prank-O encourages people to “disguise your gift in a stupid box.” So, for example, you have actually bought a very nice gift for a friend, but put it in a box that claims to contain an Earwax Candle Kit, or Bacon Scented Dryer Sheets. Imagine the look on that poor friend’s face when they think you have given them something really ridiculous, stupid and disgusting. And the relief when they realize it’s just a joke.
For the musician who hates music, or for the kid whose parents you hate, there is the Otamatone, a “musical” instrument that makes the bagpipes seem reasonable. A touch sensitive bar on the neck changes pitch, while the little mouth at the bottom “sings” when squeezed. It all makes perfect sense (in Japan).
A first impression is a dominant factor in shaping perception. A hilarious doormat begins that process even before eye contact is made. Help them ingratiate themselves with party guests, traveling salesmen, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and whoever else happens to stumble upon their threshold. A little personality never hurt anyone.
You could buy them a 17 man band that could live in the corner of their den and serenade them every day, or you could just go with this unique piece of furniture that can play 17 instruments at once. Plus this pneumatically controlled Hootenanny can remember how to play 13,000 songs.
Keep your head and face warm without the commitment (or testosterone) it takes to grow an actual beard! These knit beanies with detachable face fur are as funny as they are functional. From biker to barbarian, Viking to vagabond, there is a Beard Head for every taste and style.
Gnome infestations have remained a taboo subject for too long. Damn the social consequences, we must finally bring this issue into the light. Gnomes are not people, they are parasites bent on destroying everything we’ve worked so hard to build and eating all of our vegetables. Don’t worry, you don’t have to snuff them out yourself. Leave that to this merciless miniature beast.
Jellyfish are some of nature’s most mesmerizing, beautiful, and sublime creations. They’re also a lot harder to care for than a goldfish. Thankfully, you can get the same visual effect with synthetic jellyfish and some creative lighting. A way cooler version of the classic lava lamp.
This sculpture is not, despite all appearances, the work of some sort of demented robot clown, but it is the perfect housewarming gift for the person who appreciates a little whimsy with their modern art. It’s a wonderful conversation starter, and it will never, ever pop.
Run, run as fast as you can, but you can’t escape from a Ninjabread Man. These stealthy holiday assassins will sneak, chop, and stab their way from oven to belly without making a sound. Turn any kitchen into a dojo with these hilarious novelty cookie cutters.
Give them the gift of their own personal Finland with this hot and steamy portable sauna. There’s nothing weird about rejuvenating mind and body in the comfort of home, while head and hands are free to hold a book and read outside the heat - it just looks a little weird. Okay, maybe more than a little.
Perfect for lazy Sunday mornings on the bridge, these Original Show style bathrobes come in gold, blue, or red, and feature an embroidered insignia above the left breast and rank stripes on the arms. Drink coffee and explore the quadrant in these 100% cotton or microfleece ultra-casual uniforms.
Many people complain that earbuds won’t stay in their ears because they’re not the right shape. Weirder people complain that earbuds don’t make their ears look big enough. These are for the second group. If you know one of these people who also happens to be a fantasy book fan, you may have just found the greatest gift anyone will ever give them. And don’t forget, nothing earns your way into the heart of an elf like some great jams.
We’ll just get this out of the way now: this toy is disgusting. And for some people, it probably rivals bubble wrap for being incomprehensibly satisfying. And to boot, this doesn’t make any noise that might annoy the crap out of everyone. So this is basically a quiet, gross version of bubble wrap. And we’re willing to bet that you know someone who would think that sounds amazing. After all, it’s the simple pleasures in life that make it all worthwhile. Simple as a pimple.
There are a small but important set of emergencies that can only be rectified with a clown nose. This has been demonstrated time and time again in hospitals rooms across the world. Sadly, there’s no money in clown noses, so big pharma keeps us in the dark.
One of the real barriers for many people to enjoying champagne to the fullest is the sense of pretension that surrounds this exalted beverage. It’s a pretension that permeates and infuses the entire experience, just like the bubbles that give champagne its famous zing. At last, someone has invented the perfect tool for de-snootifying the most famous of sparkling wines. Now, they can finally enjoy champagne the way they have always wanted - with no sense of class or dignity whatsoever.
Among this gift’s many wonderful attributes is that it never runs out - so it’s always there, always in the same condition in which you bought it. It also never breaks, can’t be stolen, needs no virtual updates, has no hidden costs or fees, and may or may not be the source of everything (we haven’t yet confirmed). In so many ways, it’s the perfect gift.
This made-to-order voodoo doll is the perfect gift for your most vengeful friend. Just send in an image of who you want the doll to resemble, and the magic happens as your friend pushes pins into the doll’s most sensitive areas. Just be sure it doesn't look anything like you.
Perfect for those occasions when you want to give someone the moon and the stars. This set of five amazing envelopes contain accurate depictions of the sky at night. Your astronomically minded friends will be amazed at seeing the universe in a piece of folded paper. As for the moon… well, you can probably figure that one out.
Like the commissioned public statues of old, the most revered among us are now immortalized in bobblehead form. In fact, being commemorated with a bobblehead is one of the highest honors that a modern man or woman can aspire to. Surely you know someone who is worthy of such a gift, whose contributions to society and their fellow travelers makes this an appropriate gesture of respect and admiration. Go ahead, place them among the great figures of history. They’ve earned it.
Humans aren’t the only members of the animal kingdom to practice the ancient spiritual and physical art of yoga, and we’ve got the visual propaganda to prove it — in the form of calendars, picture books, statues, coloring books, postcards, and more. And of all the non-human members of the yoga community, cats hold a special place at the front of the movement. Naturally flexible, nimble, self-motivated, and introspective, cats have done much to further the age-old practice of yoga. It’s time we gave them the recognition they deserve.
It probably makes more sense to call this a sleeping suit than a sleeping bag, but whatever. With it’s rubberized feet and quick release hand openings, a person can walk around and drink hot cocoa without ever leaving the warmth of their sleeping bag.
Why not reward the passive-aggressive person in your life with a playful beast that best personifies the light and dark sides of their personality? Raw emotional expression can be quite therapeutic and these cuddly critters are particularly gifted when it comes to delivering love and horror with just one forcible squeeze. Lifeless teddy bears are dreadfully dull and possibly creepier than these cheeky creatures. This badass gift is sure to raise the shock factor at the next occasion!