Back in the day, carrying power with you meant having a pocket full of batteries. But sometimes 9-volt batteries would get short-circuited by your pocket change and heat up or explode on your leg, so you had to add potential medical bills to the cost of ownership. Or maybe that was just an urban legend. Either way, a mobile power bank will charge all your electronic devices, and you definitely don’t have to worry about meltdowns. Just way better all around.
A safety net for the mechanically impaired, AAA is a one-of-a-kind grease monkey support network that can be relied upon to rescue them at any time of day or night. Because deep down inside, you know that for every happy ending, there’s a 1990 Camaro on the side of the road somewhere with a skeleton in the front seat.
If they don’t know how to do these things by now, chances are they’re too embarrassed to ask. How to change a tire? How to make scrambled eggs? How can any self-respecting person ask these questions and not be mocked? Give them this book on the sly, and you could save them from their hidden shame.
Since the dawn of time, chaos, terror, and death have periodically rained down from the sky. Only the lucky were spared. But now we have weather radios, so you can go inside instead of dying. This one also conveniently charges your phone so the next hurricane doesn’t have to interrupt your game of angry birds.
If you’re going to do something, do it the right way. That goes for buying a knife too. The last thing you want is to be in a life and death situation and have to say, “If only I had a fine-toothed miniature saw and I knew what time it was.” This pocket knife has you covered on both fronts. The only way we could imagine this knife being more loaded is if they added a miniature cannon or gave it time travel capabilities. The perfect gift for the survivalist who likes that extra layer of security against that “what-ifs”.
The first time they filled the basement with batteries was just before the Y2k crisis. Or if they’re old enough, perhaps during the cold war. In both cases, nothing really happened. But maybe three times is a charm. Even if the modern world doesn’t collapse on itself, you’ll be giving them peace of mind knowing that their 84 remote controls will always be well fed.
The perfect gift for the person who’s always getting lost in the dark, tripping down the stairs on their way back from the bathroom, or struggling to summon The Batman, the light from this flashlight is visible from five nautical miles away. They’ll never need to fear the Joker again!
They may have achieved elite Girl Scout or Boy Scout status when they were younger, but that badge-covered sash won’t be able to save them from a sinking car. Forget cookies — today’s scouts should be peddling these life-saving gadgets instead. Foolproof and dependable, this indispensable car accessory packs a mean punch and won’t disappoint when imminent danger strikes.
Houses are great, but they don’t run themselves. There’s a million and one ways to ruin your property value, break important stuff, and blow yourself up. Don’t let someone you care about go blindly into that death trap.
Keeping practical supplies in the car in case of emergency is something we all should do – yet many people out there on the road haven't added so much as a band-aid to their car’s inventory. That’s right, in the event of a blizzard, those store receipts and empty fast food bags won’t save you. Shocking, we know. This Auto Survival Kit on the other hand…
If they've been feeling a little run down and deflated recently, give them a much-needed boost with this practical gift. They can use it to pump up their car and bike tires, and they’ll be blowing up that inflatable pool in minutes – perfect for all those impromptu pool parties they’ll be throwing now!
Most people don’t have the patience to search for the right-sized socket to tighten or loosen a bolt, some don’t have the eyesight to read the little numbers and letters that differentiate them, and in many cases they don’t have even the wherewithal to remember where they put those sockets. A universal socket can’t prevent itself from getting lost, but it definitely solves the first two problems. This tool not only adds convenience, it takes a lot of the time out of fixing stuff, because it eliminates the part that involves fumbling around and swearing.
Sure, we lived for hundreds of thousands of years without electricity, but that’s not the point. The next time they’re in the middle of baking a casserole and a squirrel falls in the wires at the power plant, don’t make them resort to eating lettuce and raw cookie dough for dinner. Every house needs one of these.
A home safe is often one of those after-the-fact purchases. That is, people wait until after their first burglary to buy one, when they don’t have anything to put in it anymore. Save them from their own silliness and make the smart investment for them.
The internet may have trained you not to trust “listicles”, but that shouldn’t stop you from buying this handy book for a new homeowner in your inner circle. Unlike most listicles, this isn’t clickbait - in fact, being a book, it can’t be clicked at all. They have to read it. And after they do, they’ll be a lot smarter about all things home-related. A home should be a source of happiness, pride, and comfort, not an infernal, bottomless money pit. This is the guide to making sure they come out on the right side.
Since nobody seems to be interested enough to invent an ever-lasting battery, it looks like we’re all stuck charging our phones every day for the foreseeable future. But before you throw you hands up in disgust and ask how it could possibly get worse, there is some good news. The same lazy, inconsiderate tech “geniuses” who refuse to make forever batteries have at least found the decency to create a little pad that charges smartphones without having to plug them in. And really, it’s the least they could do.
There aren’t many aspects of a public restroom that you would like to bring inside your home. In fact, this is probably the only one. The toilet is going to be the dirtiest thing in any house (we hope), so why would anyone want to be putting their hands all over it? A motion sensor activated flushing unit takes care of this problem.
Perhaps the best gift you could give is a well-earned day off. Watch their face light up when they kick back and enjoy a day of total relaxation as you take care of all the hard work for them. Just be careful not to do the job too well or you’ll find them asking for the same thing for every birthday and holiday to come.
When he needed to find out where a pipe was, your uncle Len used to punch through the wall and feel around with his hand. No, that wasn’t a dream, he really did that. The man was a neanderthal. These days even neanderthals have smart phones, and this android app lets them find out where pipes, studs, and wires are with no brute force at all. Huzzah.
In our crazy modern world, who has the patience to wait more than a day for their online purchases, or to watch one episode a week of their favorite series, instead of a 10-hour binge? If they don’t already have a subscription to Amazon Prime, it’s your duty to bring them out of the dark ages. It’s a gift that keeps on giving, and you can get it for them right now. They’ll get free shipping on tons of great stuff from Amazon as well as access to a bizillion movies for free. Whatever their addiction, they can feed it on Amazon. Help them feed it faster and better.
If given the choice of any imaginable superpower, not many would choose “magnetic wrists.” Except, perhaps, carpenters. And the world would look upon them skeptically, until they tried out one of these magnetic wristbands for themselves. Thankfully, in a world where real superpowers are hard to come by, you can now get your own magnetic wrist for pretty cheap. And better yet, it can be removed at any time, so you’re not collecting stray parts as you go about your day. Simple technology beats superpowers every time.
This thing is like the skyscraper of compost gardening, saving valuable space with its vertical build, turning decomposing scraps into fertilizer as it goes. A veritable tower of growing power. The pillar that needs no tiller. The grower that doesn’t…well, you get the idea.
They may know the best recipe for every major Northern Italian, French, and Thai dish ever invented and be able to whip up a soufflé blindfolded, but can they cut a tennis ball in half in mid-air? The truth is, these knives do all the work for you. Or so we’re told. They certainly look better than that Walmart set.
Every home should be protected from the elements, including those some careless soul drags in with their boots. Unlike you, this doormat can absorb 12 pints without making strange accusations or bringing up the past. One of the few home additions that makes a better houseguest out of everyone.
Why is it so hard to judge the correct amount of spaghetti noodles to cook? It’s not like we haven’t done this a million times. For whatever reason, the human mind cannot solve this equation. Luckily there’s no need with this handy tool that can measure standard portions for people and even those who are so hungry they could eat a horse.
According to research, a average woman spends 76 days looking for items in her handbag during her lifetime. That is downright silly. But you can help. She'll love this addition to her favorite accessory that will save her time finding keys, phones, and whatever else she squeezes into her cavernous purse.
Few household hobbies have the potential to be as hard on the joints as gardening, unless you like playing “Army Men” and parachuting off the roof with umbrellas, like some of us did as kids. This waterproof nylon stool does double duty as a knee/ankle saver and a tool bag, so the right implement is always within reach.
Chances are you know someone who still patches up their household items using duct tape. Probably while listening to their favorite Bee Gees 8-track. If that person is a new homeowner, bring them out of the DIY dark ages with a roll of Fiberfix. Then maybe go to work on their music collection.
Propane tanks are convenient and useful, but the last thing you need is to have the damn thing run out at your next barbecue and everyone ends up eating raw chicken. It used to be the manliest man in the group picked up the tank, said how many hours were left, and then by the time the tank was empty everyone was too drunk to remember how wrong he was. Boy we’ve come a long way.
It’s a simple, ingenious tool. But you have to understand that in giving them this gift, you’re removing a set of excuses: “Oh, my arms aren’t long enough”; “I’m afraid of heights”; “I don’t know how to use a mop upside down,” etc. Now they’ve gotta own the clean.
Manly men (and women) wear big, dirty boots. The problem is, those entryway mats are designed for dainty folk who need to remove maybe a pebble or two from their penny loafers or whatever. That’s not gonna cut it here. Don’t let them mess up their brand new floors because they didn’t have the right tools. No brainer.
Only a complete tool gives an empty toolbox as a gift. We know you’re better than that, and you know it too. Enter the Loaded Toolbox — the prime companion of the jack of all trades. This is the classic entry level gift, the rite of passage into handyman or handywoman-hood. Life is a long journey full of creaky door hinges, rusty bolts, and other mechanical nuisances. Give them the tools they need — literally — to navigate this unforgiving landscape.
So this maybe doesn’t have the wow factor of, say, a MENSA membership, but that’s not the point. You can buy a lifetime supply of Frosted Flakes for $.99. We’re not sure what MENSA does for you, but we know it can’t deliver like that. Who’s the genius now?
You’ve heard the old saying, “Measure twice, cut once.” Let’s be honest, the real reason you measure twice is because you forgot the first measurement. This digital tape measure lets you save multiple measurements for easy recall, so you can stop playing games and get the work done.
Turn your stream of consciousness food rants into an organized list of purchasable items. Just press a button and say what you need, and this handy wall robot will sort it into grocery store categories and spit out a nice clean list for you. Voice recognition technology for the busy homemaker.
Fruits and vegetables are like children: you let your guard down for a day or two, and when you look again they’re spoiled, and you would rather just get rid of them than deal with their rottenness. Preventing spoiled kids is complicated, but fruits and vegetables are a lot simpler. Someone already figured out the answer, and here it is.
Life is often times very frustrating. It’s easy to eat a thousand pistachios a minute, but you end up with a mountain of inedible shells and a weird feeling in your mouth. The second problem is your own fault, but someone went and fixed the first one because they care about you and hate seeing you struggle. Pass on the gift to someone else you care about.
In the world of minor annoyances that slowly wear you down, wet hand and footwear are right up there with highway noise and wet toilet paper. Thankfully, there’s no more need to wait two days for dry boots or gloves. Just pop them on this handy little machine, turn the heat up, wait an hour or two, and it’s go time.
The idea that your home appliances are now studying and learning your habits might sound a little creepy. But this thing is really only trying to save you money. And no matter what you heard, it can’t read your thoughts. Unless you want it to.
Silent but deadly takes on a different meaning when you walk in the room, but in your defense, you haven’t actually left a trail of bodies in your wake. In fact, nobody has dared step in your wake for years. Here’s a smart appliance that will protect your family from a couple of other silent killers.
Hanging a row of pictures straight seems like an easy enough thing to do, but if you’ve ever tried you know it’s easier said than done. Homeowners will have lots of opportunities to use this handy tool that really puts things in their place. The Hang-o-matic marks the exact spot on the wall that the nail needs to go and includes a tape measure and built-in level.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
This is a must-have for any jet-setting friend or loved one who’s aiming for global citizenship status. Compact, multi-purpose and foolproof even for the most moronic of travelers, this essential gadget will fit in the palm of their hand and connect them with electricity around the world. Just remind them to observe basic shock-prevention rules when approaching those unfamiliar foreign outlets … electrocution is an international hazard!
These days, you can’t really say you have a cutting-edge anything if it doesn’t have the words “smartphone charging” in the title. Which is bound to lead to some strange home furnishings, like the smartphone charging toilet plunger, or the i-crowave. But considering that we now live through our smartphones more than we live through our brains, maybe we’ll soon welcome those things into our lives as well. For now, let’s just start with a wireless smartphone charging mouse pad, which isn’t weird at all.
In the age of AI and computer automation, we need to resist the machines any way we can. This is a great way to start — with a hand-cranked portable washing machine. The manual washing machine is a perfect statement of self-sufficiency and independence, and it’s a wonderful way to recruit someone you know into the resistance. It also allows the user to get the laundry done while on the road, while camping far away from electricity, or even during a hypothetical apocalypse. All in all, it’s a necessary tool in today’s world. The revolution starts here.
If you can’t afford to splurge on a Tiffany tennis bracelet, spoil her with some modern technology that will rejuvenate her finest gems and jewels. Leave the polishing to the guys at the car wash. This sensible system makes jewelry care effortless and fun, easily lifting years of tarnish and returning finishes to their original luster.
For fending off a mugger, they’ll thank you. For fending off annoying dogs, children, co-workers, and sometimes even you – they’ll really thank you. While it’s a high price to pay, take comfort that it’s worth it for their protection. And for the film you’ll catch of them inevitably testing it on themselves.
Make sure that they’re never caught short (of battery, at least) with this pocket-sized power pack that is perfect for their portable devices. This charger harnesses the power of the biggest battery in our solar system so they should never have an excuse for not returning your call.
In case you’re not aware, death is always clawing its way into you through every pore. Make sure everyone else knows about this harsh reality too by giving them this book. Shatter their precious illusions of health and vitality, in the most entertaining and hilarious way possible. A perfect gift for your favorite hypochondriac.
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, or maybe just gives you PTSD. Either way, it’s better than dead. Here’s a book that can help the owner avoid the dead category for a little longer, even when things get hairy. Rough world we live in.
If they're a little clumsy in the kitchen, these cut resistant gloves may help them from accidentally adding unplanned ingredients to their meal (fingers in the coleslaw are never good). Now you won’t need to be suspicious of that red sauce when they invite you over for dinner.
If they didn’t have a germ phobia before, help them develop one before it’s too late. Once you explain how much this vacuum catches that was missed before, they’ll start to notice germs everywhere. Just realize you’ll be hanging out at their house from now on.
If there’s one skill that every responsible citizen should have, it’s the ability to access things that aren’t theirs. But you better believe you don’t get there without practice. Some day they’re bound to come across something they want that has been locked away by some other thoughtless and selfish human. Don’t let them approach this dark situation unprepared.