Everything in life comes with a price – and that includes appreciation. You can work hard and earn admiration through good deeds and unwavering selflessness, or you can take the easy road. Here’s some expensive gift ideas that may help if you opt for the latter.
These days, real furniture does double duty. When you see how far telephones have come, it makes you wonder how much more you should be asking from other household items like tables, chairs, TV stands, and so forth. The bottom line is that furniture’s been getting off easy for far too long. Well, this table’s out to change all of that. With a built-in refrigerator drawer, touch screen controls, and laptop/phone charging capabilities, here is a piece of furniture that’ll truly earn the space it occupies.
They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.
Whether they’re looking to finally get off the grid for real, have a nice power-outage backup plan to increase their peace of mind, or just show off how damn futuristic they are, the Tesla Powerwall is one of the foremost technologies in modern electric power. The idea is so obvious that it’s kind of amazing we haven’t had these for decades. Paired with solar panels, the Powerwall can power an entire house on most days, and as a standalone item it provides great insurance against temporary outages due to severe weather and other natural and manmade mischief.
Ever since the introduction of the first 3d printer, the prevailing question on the minds of many has been, “I wonder if I could eat that.” The answer, as some found out the hard way, is almost always no. Now that’s all changing, as the technology has evolved to be edible, as all important technology eventually does. Because really, if you can’t ingest something, what’s the point of having it? After all, isn’t that why they call it “consumer technology?” Makes perfect sense to us.
Sure, some DIYers like to be hands on, but in your heart of hearts, you know that if you offered to make beer easier, nobody’s going to turn you down. Because turning down easy beer is like turning down free beer - it’s the kind of decision your reputation never quite recovers from. With everything we have to do in a given day just to hold our hectic lives together, being able to push a button and create beer almost seems too good to be true. But it’s not. Good lord, how could life get any better?
Stress reduction is damn near the holy grail of happiness and health. But let’s face it — the world seems hellbent on keeping everyone’s cortisol at a solid 9 out of 10 just about every waking moment. And with the constant barrage of advertising, social media alerts, emails, text messages, work-related fire drills, “Mom/Dad I’m hungry,” actual fire drills, natural disasters, news stories about nuclear missiles and global warming, inconsiderate/psychotic neighbors…All we’re saying is, everyone needs an impenetrable fortress of calm to retreat to every once in a while.
Favored by private collectors, this wine management system tracks which wines are in your collection, where they are located, and when they mature. The system comes with a 17" touchscreen computer, 500 barcode labels for each bottle in your collection, and a wireless scanner. Simply scanning the label and typing just the first three letters of a wine’s name prompts the computer to search for it in a 350,000-bottle database. The computer automatically adds an image of the wine label, the country of origin, region, and grape varietal and allows you to input where the bottle is stored in your cellar and the price you paid for it. When a wine is ready to drink, scanning it again removes it from your inventory. The computer connects to the Internet via Wi-Fi or Ethernet and provides access to ratings, tasting notes, and current values for every wine.
Made by Rawlings, this chair is crafted in the form of a gargantuan baseball glove, upholstered entirely with the same exceptional leather as the mitts used by professional ballplayers. The leather for this chair is selected from the top 5% of steer hides in the Midwestern U.S.—the same as used in Rawlings’ acclaimed “Heart of the Hide” baseball glove. Leveraging Rawlings’ 125 years of experience making quality sporting goods, each chair is built to order by master craftsman in the company’s St. Louis facility, who assemble the all-wood frame by hand. The chair is upholstered front and back, padded with furniture-grade foam, and rests on a solid mahogany base. Authentic details add to the chair’s convincing realism, from the 34 aluminum grommets and 30' of leather lacing wound through the fingers, to the Rawlings name branded in the “heel” of the glove. An included removable 12" square armrest is made from the same top-quality leather. The outside of the thumb can be personalized with a name up to 16 characters.
This kitchen appliance prints designs and photos on drink heads, cookies, or pastries using edible ink. Ideal for printing the portrait of a guest of honor on a cupcake, adding your company logo to a batch of cookies, or replicating a pet’s picture on your morning latte, it prints monochrome images up to 10 cm in diameter at 600 dpi. The printer connects to your smartphone, enabling you to add virtually any photo, image, design, or pattern from your personal library or the Internet. Comes with 60 preloaded graphics, emojis, and cartoon characters. Includes one cartridge of edible ink that prints up to 1,000 images.
Everyone, from Elon Musk to your next door neighbor, is straight-up terrified of the robot takeover, envisioning all kinds of post-apocalyptic horrors being visited upon us by our own creations. But then one of them offers to mow the lawn and everyone’s like, “Well, they can’t be that bad.” And it’s true - there might be a few bad apples coming down the assembly line, but you won’t find any in the lawn mower category. Just helpful, friendly, sort-of-intelligent mini landscapers who just want you to give them a place to lay low and recharge in between jobs. Nothing to be scared of here.
For many thousands of years, “grilling” has meant chopping something up and suspending it over an open flame. Sure, maybe you add some new proprietary seasoning to spice things up a little and impress your in-laws, but for the most part nothing’s really changed. It’s time to disrupt (that’s what the B school kids call it) this primal practice with a little infrared technology. Call this grilling 2.0. Life has sped up immeasurably since the days when we were chasing down goats and killing them with our bare hands. We’ve got jobs now, and Netflix shows to watch. This crazy little box will get the grilling done in no time so they can get back to real life.
When you were a kid, your mom probably told you not to sit so close to the TV — at least, if you were born way back before parents gave up on that sort of thing. Well, here is the Oculus Go, designed to be the ultimate in sticking it to your parents. It’s also the perfect gift for someone who loves big screen movies but hates sitting next to other people. Pretty much the most immersive personal entertainment system available, designed for people who want to be in the movie, not just watch it.
There are lots of reasons to buy a home boxing trainer. For some people, in-person lessons are too expensive and time consuming. Other people just want a convenient and legal way to let out their aggression. In yet other cases, your little brother gets tired of holding the pillow in front of his stomach and letting you punch him. Whatever the reason, this is definitely one of the best solutions yet devised for anyone who wants to hone their skills on their own time.
With professional quality drones now becoming affordable, the average schlub can make cinema-quality videos for the first time in history. Those epic sky shots that used to be exclusively available to Hollywood-level film crews are attainable for anybody. All it takes is a simple drone copter like this one armed with a professional quality video camera. And this thing brings all kinds of mischief within the user’s reach, even the kind that might land them on the news. What more inspiration could a bored tech nerd need?
Replicating bloody warfare between kingdoms, and played by some of the most brilliant minds in the world, chess stands large in the human game-o-sphere. Yet it carries such a small physical footprint. Something had to give. This giant chess set makes its players feel like Roman gods directing the earthly battles of royal dwarves. It also serves as a stunning piece of landscape art, like something straight out of Alice in Wonderland. The last word in life-size board games.
Natural materials exude a timeless class that never goes out of style. In fact, it’s almost impossible to look bad when you’re wearing a wooden watch (that’s not an invitation to try). These beautiful accessories go with just about every wardrobe style - all the way from yuppie to hippie, and everything in between. Even a clown suit. And really, that’s the true measure of style: does it look good on a clown suit?
Starbucks and fine Italian restaurants everywhere have succeeded in jading us all. The result is that nobody’s happy with a simple cup of coffee anymore. Espresso, doppio, cappuccino, macchiato, latte…the average person’s coffee tastes are so much more complicated and demanding. And the truth is, all you have to do is walk thirty or forty feet to the nearest Starbucks to indulge your addiction. But why bother when you can just hit a button on a machine in your kitchen and do it even better? Sur La Table produces some elite personal caffeination solutions, and they’re oh so worth the investment.
Just like you wouldn’t send a samurai into battle with a pocket knife, you shouldn’t let a serious home chef attack his foodstuffs with some dull old blade off the shelves of Walmart. Bob Kramer is a certified Master Bladesmith, and the only one to specialize solely in making kitchen cutlery. In other words, this is a “next level” set of knives, one that any culinary artist would be thrilled to dice their carrots with.
Fire, meat, vegetables. The holy trinity of backyard cooking. This is the ultimate platform to bring them together and let them reach their full potential in nourishing and delighting the senses. With a huge grilling surface, super easy operation and maintenance, and power to spare, here’s what a real big boy grill looks like. Buy this for someone you’re planning on visiting a lot (or even better, someone who lives in your house), because you’re going to want to get in on this too.
Like happiness, most peoples’ wealth is intangible. It’s just a number that represents a theoretical claim on a few bars of metal locked in a vault somewhere that don’t exist anyway. So what’s better than happiness and fake money? Gold! And nothing but gold! But you’re way too sophisticated to give them a shapeless ball of ore. Gold coins allow you to hand over timeless wealth in a package that’s fit to be displayed. Just like a king of yore.
Turn any room into a game room without ruining the elegant vibe they’ve worked so hard to cultivate. Foosball is a game of the people, making the great sport of soccer accessible to everyone, even the tragically out-of-shape and terminally uncoordinated. And old school tabletop games like foosball give people a real world gathering place, so they can get off the damn interwebs for a while and learn how to engage in face-to-face communication. It’ll be awkward at first, but they’ll get used to it. Speaking of which, this table makes a great conversation piece.
You know what they say about so-called cooks who can’t produce real smoke-flavored food: “If he can’t smoke, he must be a joke.” This compact but roomy stainless steel digital smoker lets even the open-air novice produce smoked meats worthy of any barbecue competition, and being a no-fire smoke device, he doesn’t have to worry about burning down the house just to appease the family’s taste buds. And best of all, the digital controls mean there’s no guesswork involved, so it comes out just right every time.
We can’t emphasize this enough: you ride the motorized cooler full of drinks to the party, you drink its contents, and then you WALK it back home. Nobody wants to be the guy on the news who got arrested for drunk driving an empty cooler. So stay safe.
Don’t just give them one piece of art, build them a gallery. We’re not expecting you to go and build an actual gallery complete with gift shop but we think they’ll be just as impressed with this gift. A digital art museum lets them curate a unique art collection and makes the perfect gift for any art enthusiast. They can even upload their own artistic creations if they’re handy with a paintbrush themselves.
You could buy him a 17 man band that could live in the corner of his den and serenade him every day, or you could just go with this unique piece of furniture that can play 17 instruments at once. Plus this pneumatically controlled Hootenanny can actually remember how to play 13,000 songs.
If you’re going to do something, do it the right way. That goes for buying a knife too. The last thing you want is to be in a life and death situation and have to say, “If only I had a fine-toothed miniature saw and I knew what time it was.” This pocket knife has you covered on both fronts. The only way we could imagine this knife being more loaded is if they added a miniature cannon or gave it time travel capabilities. The perfect gift for the survivalist who likes that extra layer of security against that “what-ifs”.
Sure, we lived for hundreds of thousands of years without electricity, but that’s not the point. The next time they’re in the middle of baking a casserole and a squirrel falls in the wires at the power plant, don’t make them resort to eating lettuce and raw cookie dough for dinner. Every house needs one of these.
Video game arcades in every town may be a thing of the past, but with the 80s revival that’s washed over the western world, demand has spiked again for old-time video games that look like they were designed by an 8-year old and housed in giant man-sized boxes. And for good reason: they’re so much fun that you could lose your entire childhood chasing the high score in Asteroids. Don’t ask how we know that.
Men of discerning tastes should not suffer the indignity of walking back and forth from the couch to the kitchen for a beer. We put a man on the moon for God’s sake. Hand-made by Amish craftsmen and built to last for generations, this is no flimsy Walmart furniture. Class out the wazoo.
A long time ago, in the distant past, kids used to put baseball cards in the spokes of their wheels to turn their bikes into motorcycles. We’ve come a long way since then. Now, we modify our bikes to actually make them self-powered, not just sound like it. The GeoOrbital Wheel is super easy to install - just remove the front wheel of your bike and hook this thing up in its place, and the next thing you know, you’re leaving the other bikes in your dust.
Just because someone wants to have a smartwatch doesn’t mean it has to ruin their sophisticated wardrobe. Conversely, just because someone wants a classy watch doesn’t mean it has to be as dumb as…an old watch. The Armani Touchscreen Smartwatch bridges that gap elegantly, with a classic analog-style watch face as well as Android and iOS compatibility. The Armani touchscreen allows them to text, track their activities, monitor their sleep, control the music on their smartphone, and tell the time (as if anyone does that with a watch anymore).
For centuries artisans have toiled away, diligently refining their skills until becoming masters, so that they can create exquisitely detailed work of the highest craftsmanship. Well, there’s a much easier way now. 3d printing technology has rapidly advanced over the past few years, to the point that they’ve begun printing just about anything. Even houses. The kind people live in. We’re not suggesting that you need to invest in a home-building 3d printer, as those are rather large and might be out of your budget. But 3d printing can be used for all kinds of smaller things as well, from artistic models to home furnishings. And 3d printers are really fun to play with. If you know someone who needs a new hobby to keep them out of trouble, this could be just the thing. And if they’re lucky enough to get this as a gift from you, you will in turn be the recipient of printed thingamajigs for the rest of your time on Earth.
Speed is dangerous, but some kinds are more dangerous than others. This one is mostly just fun. But be careful: once they’ve experienced the feeling of flying around the track, the engine roaring like a wild beast, the smell of smoldering rubber in the air, they may never quite be the same.
The old-fashioned wooden whiskey barrel has become a symbol of class and refinement. Big change from the old days when having one of these in your basement meant the feds might crash in any day and haul you off to prison for moonshining. There’s nothing like tasting the sweet fruit of your own labors, and these handmade barrels allow the owner to age spirits to their exact specifications. Now, even bottom-shelf bathtub whiskey can be turned into dusky gold in a few weeks time.
Spherical food is classy. And now you can turn just about any food into little caviar-like pearls by blending it with water and adding a gelification agent to the mix. Then place it inside this pepper grinder-looking thing and in a few minutes you’ll be shooting out little balls of food. And when you place little balls of food on other non-ball shaped food, everything looks a thousand times fancier, and fancy looking food always tastes better.
Their very own Tyrannosaurus skeleton. Enough said. It fits all occasions, and those who disagree can take it up with the dinosaur. Help them earn a reputation as the coolest person in the neighborhood, and when holidays swing around, wrapping it in lights and adding a hat can only earn you Alpha Friend status.
With any normal chocolate bar, even the generously-sized original Toblerone, one’s enjoyment is always tarnished by the sad thought that the experience will soon be over. Candy bars simply don’t last long enough. In contrast, candy lovers look upon this giant Toblerone bar the same way that a mountaineer gazes up at a lofty peak. In their mind, they understand that one day the expedition will be over, and the mammoth before them will have been conquered. Yet in the moment they can’t quite believe it.
Wine consumption is about much more than just getting drunk. It’s also about tradition and ritual. And as with all rituals, the more complex the better. At least, that’s the idea behind this wonderful, absurd, ingenious contraption. The Eccentric’s Wine Steward Eliminator is an 8-foot tall mechanical sommelier made from 300 precision-cast bronze parts, and it turns the act of uncorking and pouring a bottle of wine into some sort of ridiculously awesome Steampunk / Willy Wonka experience. Whoever owns this insane and fantastic contraption is one large step closer to world dominance.
A desktop laser cutter is vying to become the modern power tool of choice for arts and crafts folk, along with anyone else who just likes making stuff. Download or create patterns to make all kinds of useful and decorative objects from a variety of materials, including metal, cardboard, plastic, wood, leather, and even food. And unlike traditional power tools, there’s absolutely no danger of hurting yourself with a desktop laser cutter, so it’s suitable for anyone, even ultra-clumsy people and adults who still haven’t learned to stop running with scissors.
The DJI Osmo Pocket takes handheld personal videos to a whole new level. Sure, smartphones have always included video capabilities. But in case you haven’t noticed, the videos are so terrible as to be basically unusable. The Osmo Pocket’s main feature is its revolutionary stabilizing system, which allows even the clumsiest, shakiest, or drunkest person to create professional-quality videos. The only drawback? Whoever you buy this for is definitely going to think they’re Steven Freaking Spielberg, so get ready.
In the land of the drunk, there are two categories: the worldly and the degenerate. Everyone else is sober. This old world globe bar sends a not-so-subtle signal which one they belong to. Help them appear wise and fascinating by appropriating the air of an intrepid explorer, even if they’ve never left the state.
At a certain point, when you have too much stuff, more things just don’t do it for you anymore. At that point, if you’re smart, you start investing in superpowers. And trust us on this: every single man on the planet was a kid once, and every one of those kids wanted the power to see in the dark. To go where other humans cannot, to walk among the wild nocturnal animals as an equal, and to hide from their parents. They may not need to hide from their parents anymore, but that doesn’t make night vision any less awesome.
Sure, it will be strange when you have to get that cheek swab from them without them knowing what you’re up to, but it will all make sense when you reveal this custom portrait that showcases their unique DNA. Or you could just give them the DNA collection kit as the gift if that’s easier. Or just swab your dog. They’ll never know the difference.
Conventional video games are all fine and dandy, but the problem is you’re always dealing with all kinds of peripheral distractions messing up your flow. But generally speaking, unless something is on fire, it can wait - which is exactly why we have smoke detectors. For video games to reach their full potential, the only real option is for them to completely envelop your senses. And that means that everyone else is going to have to wait a while. Give the gift of true escape to someone who deserves it.
For the true art connoisseur, sometimes a poster reproduction of a famous work just isn’t enough. And no, you’re not going to fool them with a “really nice” giclée print off Amazon. These are real, one-of-a-kind, straight from the hand of the artist genuine pieces. Whether it’s a canvas painting, a piece of modernist furniture, or an $18,000 metal balloon dog, there’s something for everyone here (and, believe it or not, for any budget if you’re willing to dig a little).
Watch opposing armies fight for supremacy on the living room wall with this piece of functional art. Grandmasters and novice players alike will appreciate checking their opponents on the most unique game board in their home. Framed like a picture, this chessboard makes a unique present for anyone who loves to play games.
They’ve learned about literature, mathematics, and history in school. Their parents taught them right from wrong. And they even know how to cook dinner and change the oil. That’s all well and good, but what use is any of that when they are taken by foreign agents? These emergency survival courses will teach them the truly important things that were left out of their education, like how to escape when they wake up in the trunk of a moving car with their hands and feet bound.
Are you being watched as you read this? Is your every move being documented for later use against you in the form of blackmail or worse? Probably. And that paranoid friend who’s always going on and on about being watched? They’re most likely right too. But now there’s something they can do about it. With a hidden camera detector, they can foil the plans of even the most ingenious spies, rapscallions, government agents, and other invaders of privacy. A necessary weapon in the modern digital jungle.
The Bose Soundtouch gives you dramatic, room-filling sound in a slim, compact design. Mount on the wall right underneath your TV for a speaker that gives you the illusion of side surround sound without the need for extra speakers. The perfect way to really bring a home theater to life.
Chronic pain? Laser that sumbitch! Chronically inflamed tissues are a major cause of discomfort, can impede healing, and often limit function and interfere with everyday activities, not to mention athletic pursuits and other physically demanding hobbies. An LED-powered laser therapy device may just be the magic wand an injured human needs to get back in the game. Set them on the road to success with this medical grade handheld stick of light and wonder.
Hats have long been used as a means to hide a balding scalp, both from the painful effects of solar radiation and the equally loathsome fate of public judgment. But no longer are they merely for concealment. Thanks to the ingenuity of medical engineers, they are now also a means of treatment. What the hydroponic growth box is to the tomato, this cap is to the poor cranium suffering from thinning coverage. A dual-purpose fashion accessory if there ever was one.
Who needs photorealism when you can have the charming warmth of skillful human error? There is something undeniably touching about having an artist recreate your image by hand using the old-time tools of long-gone artistic masters. After all, any old fool can press a shutter button and spit out a photo of your homely mug. It really means something that another person was willing to stare at that photo for hours while they painstakingly recreated your form by hand, imbuing it with all the personality and living charisma of your aura. Help someone you love celebrate a cherished moment the old fashioned way.
Genetic engineering used to be the exclusive domain of science fiction and of monstrous corporations like Monsanto. And probably the Bilderberg people. Thankfully, those days are over. Now we can all play God by rearranging the genetic code of living organisms, and you can do it for less than it costs to take your family to Disney World. What could possibly go wrong? And furthermore, who cares? If we’re going to crash the planet, we might as well all have our hands on the wheel.
Time to get rid of human error when it comes to food. After all, food is the only thing you buy that literally becomes you. We’re not sure if this robot chef will throw things around the kitchen and speak condescendingly of the people eating its food, but it can probably be programmed that way if it makes the owner more comfortable.
Take to the skies with this virtual reality video game/exercise system. Virtual reality is definitely the next frontier in video games, and it’s set to make exercise accessible for the lazy and easily bored. The real world is so 20th Century.