Gifts For Sister-in-law

With any normal chocolate bar, even the generously-sized original Toblerone, one’s enjoyment is always tarnished by the sad thought that the experience will soon be over. Candy bars simply don’t last long enough. In contrast, candy lovers look upon this giant Toblerone bar the same way that a mountaineer gazes up at a lofty peak. In their mind, they understand that one day the expedition will be over, and the mammoth before them will have been conquered. Yet in the moment they can’t quite believe it.

Tea has been renowned for its health and healing abilities since ancient times. Of course, so has bloodletting. But don’t worry - unlike cutting someone open, feeding them tea actually works. Most teas are packed with antioxidants and other important nutrients and fancy-sounding compounds that we’ve learned about from Dr. Oz, and many have genuine medicinal applications. And many teas also have flavor and aroma profiles that promote relaxation and relieve stress. It almost sounds too good to be true. But it’s not. Nature is a genius, and here’s her medicine.

A particularly good gift if you live far away and aren’t going to be seeing them in person to hand over that homemade cake you would otherwise have lovingly prepared (read, bought from the store at the last minute). If you’re feeling generous, how about giving them a monthly cupcake subscription?

Chocolates used to (and perhaps still do) come from factories run by shady recluses and populated by obese midget slaves. Or at least that’s what the video evidence suggests. But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Stick it to big business by giving someone this home chocolate making kit and help them join the artisan revolution. A whole new way to make chocolate “guilt free”.

If m&ms were a person, you would have choked the crap out of them by now because all they do is say the same thing over and over again. Thankfully, we now live in the infinitely customizable iCulture, where you don’t have to put up with that kind of nonsense anymore. Say everything you ever wanted to say, in the sweetest way possible.

Making olive oil is a time-tested mediterranean art. And they don’t put the good stuff on the shelves at Costco, no matter how ornate the adhesive label is. They make you go and find it. A true Italian or Greek food connoisseur will appreciate the difference, even if you’re clueless. Bring the finest flavors of the old world right to their table.

If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. If you know someone who has refined taste buds, this might even include cheese. But before you go buying a water buffalo, you should know that you can buy the enzymes and all that by themselves and then add milk later. The rest of the animal is incidental, inconvenient, and frankly dangerous.

For all of the earth’s majestic wonders, nowhere will you find a geyser that spits melted chocolate. That’s why fountains were invented. This one may not have the impressive horsepower of Old Faithful, but what comes out of it tastes a whole lot better than sulfurous water. A chocolate fountain, in fact, can even transform the dull bounty of the earth (vegetables, we’re looking at you) into something that people will get excited about eating.

Technology may sometimes seem to complicate things, but here it removes one of life’s worst conundrums. Those french fries may taste great, but they’re quickly dragging you toward a big, fat grave. Remove the oil by using this electric air fryer, and they’re just damn good potatoes. Feast away with a happy heart.

Looking for a really forking good gift? Okay, so fried foods may not be the healthiest choice out there, but there are times when you just can’t help but make an exception. This electric fondue maker is the perfect thing for dinner parties and puts a fun twist on appetizers and desserts. The oil, cheese, or chocolate will stay at the perfect temperature and it never runs out of fuel.

People say they love camping, but are we 100% sure they don’t just love to eat s’mores? Why not buy them this S’mores Machine so they can enjoy the good parts of roughing it without needing to sleep in a leaky tent afterwards.

Try as they might, those frozen cocktails they’re always making in the blender never quite come out right. It’s not because they got the recipe wrong (although by the fourth batch, that’s a good bet too) - it’s because the’ve been using the wrong tools. You wouldn’t let them try to cross a lake in their car, would you? So why are you letting them try to make frozen drinks in a blender? Making a proper beach cocktail first and foremost requires using the right contraption: a specialized frozen drink maker. It’s a small investment for the gallons of glorious delight it will produce.

Take a friend back to their glory days on the streets of Hong Kong with this authentic bubble waffle maker. All they have to do is fill this bad boy with their favorite waffle batter, close the lid, and within a few minutes they’ve got their very own homemade version of one of the world’s most iconic street foods. Add in a stockpile of cheap batter and a few cases of whipped cream, and this could literally keep them alive for years.

Save them from trekking all the way down to the local ice cream chain store and waiting in line for some 16 year old who hates everything about them to shovel a handful of mass-produced ice cream into a paper cup and then charge them eight dollars while rolling his eyes. Life is so much more pleasant when you can do things yourself, isn’t it?

Legal in all 50 states, this herb garden smokes the competition! The aroma of fresh herbs will bring serenity and well-being to their home and some much needed flavor to their cooking. Rosemary, thyme, dill, sage, oregano, the options are limitless! Green thumbs not required for this low-maintenance nursery. Sprigs of yummy goodness direct from Mother Nature.

For some people, food is so much more satisfying when they make it themselves. But that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t like a little help every once in a while. This electric tomato press, developed in Turin, Italy by kitchen supply manufacturer Tre Spade, makes it easy to make tomato puree. It even separates the puree from the seeds, pulp, and skins. This means they can make authentic pasta sauce out of fresh-from-the-garden tomatoes, but without having to worry about overworking their soft, dainty little hands.

To be an effective steward of the kitchen, one needs a strong organization system — a system that makes storage, operation, and cleaning super easy. Otherwise, food prep efforts are liable to become a shit storm of fruit peels, vegetable parts, and other victual detritus. The Prep Deck is a fully integrated meal prep station, complete with all the storage container and prep accessories needed to help even the most disorganized cook stay on the straight and narrow.

Life is often times very frustrating. It’s easy to eat a thousand pistachios a minute, but you end up with a mountain of inedible shells and a weird feeling in your mouth. The second problem is your own fault, but someone went and fixed the first one because they care about you and hate seeing you struggle. Pass on the gift to someone else you care about.

If you know someone who has ever tried to drain the pasta water from the pot using a fork to hold back the noodles, this gift is just what they need to quit their habit of pulling those noodles out of the dirty sink and pretending like nothing happened when they inevitably spill over. They'll wonder how they ever lived without this simple tool, and will silently thank you every time they don't have to wash a bulky colander after dinner, or wonder if that green speck in their pasta is actually parsley.

Why is it so hard to judge the correct amount of spaghetti noodles to cook? It’s not like we haven’t done this a million times. For whatever reason, the human mind cannot solve this equation. Luckily there’s no need with this handy tool that can measure standard portions for people and even those who are so hungry they could eat a horse.

Most disagreements can be smoothed over with little lasting effect. Others have the potential to create internal family warfare that can rift a clan in two and and cause lingering animosity for generations. The Split Decision Pie Pan is an attempt to avert the disaster that can ensue from dessert arguments, especially during the holidays and other important celebrations. No longer must we choose between apple pie and our own children. Instead, let harmony reign over the land.

The world is full of magic jar opening tools, so why would we possibly need another? Because you can never actually find the damn thing when you need it. This simple solution is always within reach and will save you from banging the lid on the corner of your countertop or worse. We understand the frustration. You just need the right tool for the job, and then you need to remember where you put it. The EZ Off Jar Opener is easy to install and can open jars and bottles of just about any size, even as small as water bottles.

As much as we hate to mention, and we don’t advise you do, they’re not spring chickens anymore and Ben and Jerry probably aren’t the best of people for them to be around. They’ve probably realized this already, so give them a helping hand with their new healthy lifestyle with this marvelous little yogurt maker which will let them create some delicious and nutritious snacks to help make that break up a little easier.

If you’re friends with the crazy cat person, you have to buy them this gift. Make them the envy of all their crazy cat friends with this toilet training kit, which will make litter boxes a thing of the past. It will also make their cat king of all the neighborhood felines, complete with his own throne to sit on.

A certain percentage of the population has a strong obsession with animal butts. Most of them are under 10 years old - the ones who aren’t end up making things like this for a living. Go on, admit that you want to pull a tissue out of this cat’s butt. No one’s going to care. As long as you’re only pulling things out of the rectums of figurines and other likenesses, there’s no problem. Watching the recipient’s reaction to this gift can probably tell you a lot about them…we’re just not sure what.

One of the real barriers for many people to enjoying champagne to the fullest is the sense of pretension that surrounds this exalted beverage. It’s a pretension that permeates and infuses the entire experience, just like the bubbles that give champagne its famous zing. At last, someone has invented the perfect tool for de-snootifying the most famous of sparkling wines. Now, they can finally enjoy champagne the way they have always wanted - with no sense of class or dignity whatsoever.

We all have that one friend. The one who can never seem to find that steady relationship. The one with a cat or two. And then three. And four. The one who starts to show up to parties, on the rare occasions she does show up, increasingly covered in cat hair. This book. This book is for her.

Gnome infestations have remained a taboo subject for too long. Damn the social consequences, we must finally bring this issue into the light. Gnomes are not people, they are parasites bent on destroying everything we’ve worked so hard to build and eating all of our vegetables. Don’t worry, you don’t have to snuff them out yourself. Leave that to this merciless miniature beast.

If you were a burrito, would you eat yourself? I sure would. That's why I don't have one of these giant flour tortilla blankets. But for people with more self control, here's a fun gift they can really wrap themselves up in. This super soft fleece throw blanket comes in four sizes ranging from about 4 to 6 feet in diameter. Large enough to neatly wrap up a child or adult, and any of your other favorite ingredients. Also available as a pizza or waffle, because why not?

Gummy bears used to be cute until you knew what was inside of them. Pass the word on with this realistic larger-than-life plastic illustration of the insides of what used to be your favorite candy. Don’t let the candy manufacturers get away with this disgusting ruse any longer.

Anyone who tells you that you can’t look classy drinking straight out of the bottle simply lacks imagination. And they clearly haven’t seen one of these. The best thing about using the Guzzle Buddy is the total lack of pretension. This is the perfect gift for that person who always talks about having ONE glass but never seems to achieve that level of self-control. This is a great way to say, “You don’t have to pretend. We want you to be who you are. We just want you to look better doing it.”

Life is all about redefining your vices as positive qualities. In fact, that’s how you become President, if you have the drive to take it that far. But most people prefer to start small, like reframing their nightly glass of wine as something worthy of a prescription. And really, who can argue? It’s a lot cheaper, has fewer side effects, and is actually fun to ingest. And it has culture. Don’t forget about culture.

Poetry is the most appropriate art form for cats, because regardless of the author, nobody cares if a poem makes sense. In fact, the less sense the better. And cats are idiots. Creative, creative idiots, with agendas you never would have guessed.

A rubber chicken purse may not be everyone’s idea of a tasteful accessory. But then again, screw them. Trying to please everyone is a fool’s errand. This unbelievably gorgeous and futuristic purse will instantly set the owner apart from the crowd, for better or for worse. And unlike conventional chicken purses, no animals were harmed in its making, which is why it’s futuristic. Because in the future, everyone is nicer. Pair with other animals like cats or fish for a truly stunning and harmonious look.

Flowers don’t just look nice and fill the air with pleasant aromas, they also carry various levels of symbolism. Much like the zodiac, each month has its own flower variety, reflecting the character of everyone born therein. Or at least, that’s what someone decided a long time ago. And it sure is a nice idea. Regardless of whether the person you’re buying for really is a carnation at heart, or whether they’re more of a Venus fly trap, these earrings are going to look great on them.

There’s nothing more comforting to a pet owner than feeling the wet, slimy nose of their favorite companion pressed against their bare skin. Over and over again. While they’re watching TV, doing yoga, cooking, trying to take out the garbage, talking on the phone, or waking up in the morning. Pretty much anytime they’re not covered in clothing from the neck down. Since they can’t take their animal’s nose with them everywhere they go, here’s the next best thing.

Renaissance thinkers saw humans as a microcosm, a miniature version of the universe. These handcrafted wood and resin rings represent an idealized sanctuary, a miniature model of a beautiful and peaceful place to escape from the not so awesome realities of everyday life. Peace of mind they can carry wherever they go.

Generally speaking, the last person in the room who needs more wine is the person who’s already gone feet up. But as long as that posture signals relaxation and not unconsciousness, it’s probably fine. There may be a moral grey area, but that’s not your problem. This is the perfect gift for the most shameless wino you know.

Wombats are highly independent animals, but sometimes they need a little help getting their sh*t together. You know, just someone to make sure they’re keeping up on their paperwork and making solid life choices. That’s where an animal lover you know comes in. Kind of like a Big Brothers & Big Sisters program, but for wombats. And it’s WAY more hands-off. In fact, the adopter doesn’t have to do anything — someone else takes care of all the dirty work. They just get a little card with a cute picture of their wombat and a bunch of swag, and the satisfaction of knowing they’re keeping another potential troubled marsupial off the streets.

Flowers are a classic gift, but they’ve got one fatal flaw: no matter how beautiful, they tend to wilt too soon. But you’re smarter than that - you like to play the long game. The Flower of the Month Club lets you automatically replenish those flowers at regular intervals so that there’s always a fresh collection in the recipient’s house. Even if you’re not a hippy, you can always employ a little “flower power” to make someone feel loved and appreciated.

If procrastination is winning the gift shopping battle, you can emerge victorious by running down to your local art, science, or history museum to grab a gift membership. It will seem like something that you put a lot of thought into, finding a gift that enriches their lives, exposes them to new cultures, and all that junk.

Nothing gets the ol’ blood pumping like a good old fashioned murder mystery. The only problem is that once you’ve been through a few of them, you start running out of friends. CosyKiller is the perfect answer to this problem. Once a month, the subscriber gets a box full of various clues surrounding a fictitious murder, and over the course of the year they try to solve the puzzle of who committed the crime. It’s like getting to be a high-profile murder detective for a year, but with no real-world consequences if they blow it.

The good life is all about quality over quantity. Or maybe it’s about quality and quantity. We’re not here to argue. If they still want to swill down cheap rotgut wine by the box, nobody’s going to stop them. It’s their life, not yours. But here’s a great way to broaden their horizons once a month by introducing them to the stuff that’s popular with the people who don’t mix their chardonnay with diet sprite.

There are lots of gift basket subscriptions out there, but when it comes to sweet, wholesome fruit, who better to turn to than “The Fruit Company”? With plenty of different combinations to choose from, and quality unlike anything you’re going to find at the grocery store, it’s just like planting a magic tree in the backyard and letting it do its thing. Except even a magic tree doesn’t deliver its fruit wrapped up all nice in a basket, and magic trees never think to include some cheese or jam as a bonus. When you think about it, magic trees are actually kind of lame. A fruit subscription is way better.

They may be the world record holder for moo goo gai pan take-out orders, but that doesn’t mean they can’t apply that same ambition to a more progressive enterprise on the culinary scene. These boxed meals feature fresh, nutritious ingredients that will inspire healthier eating and put a lid on that MSG consumption. Award their starved taste buds and support responsible land stewardship while you’re at it!

In a couple of generations, nobody’s even going to know what the hell a book is. Have you seen a teenager try to figure out how to use one of their parents’ audio cassettes? But for those of us in the know, books are the real source of pure knowledge and wisdom, untainted by the runoff of digital culture. Like a cold, clear mountain stream, but with words.