Dad. Old man. Pops. The old block the chip came off of (okay, nobody calls him that). Whatever you do call him, two things are safe to say: you literally owe your life to him (or at least half of it), and you probably have no idea what to buy him for [insert occasion here]. Well, wouldn’t you know: you’re in just the right place. Read on for the best list of gifts for Dad you’re ever going to see.
A bad stomach virus will elicit fewer groans than this book. When your sense of humor has calcified into something like petrified wood, it’s time to beat people gently into a stupor with it. This is the perfect instructional guide to doing just that.
The beer world has truly exploded with breweries over the last decade-plus, which is great for anyone who likes trying new things. However, this proliferation of choice has a dark side. Dyed-in-the-wool beer lovers now face overwhelming anxiety every time they go to pick up a six pack or fill up a growler. The Craft Beer Club removes this pain point by making the necessary choices for all involved, so beer time can go back to being the sweet revelation it used to be.
Men of discerning tastes should not suffer the indignity of walking back and forth from the couch to the kitchen for a beer. We put a man on the moon for God’s sake. Hand-made by Amish craftsmen and built to last for generations, this is no flimsy Walmart furniture. Class out the wazoo.
This ingenious shirt tricks kids into giving back massages to their parents. It has a cartoon network of roads printed on the back so kids playing with a toy car driving around the town will secretly be loosening tight muscles and soothing back pain while they play. It’s brilliant!
Perhaps the best gift you could give is a well-earned day off. Watch their face light up when they kick back and enjoy a day of total relaxation as you take care of all the hard work for them. Just be careful not to do the job too well or you’ll find them asking for the same thing for every birthday and holiday to come.
Just like you wouldn’t send a samurai into battle with a pocket knife, you shouldn’t let a serious home chef attack his foodstuffs with some dull old blade off the shelves of Walmart. Bob Kramer is a certified Master Bladesmith, and the only one to specialize solely in making kitchen cutlery. In other words, this is a “next level” set of knives, one that any culinary artist would be thrilled to dice their carrots with.
Bunster’s Shit the Bed Hot Sauce is a mix of super-hot chilies and healthy superfoods (like goji berries and apple cider vinegar). It’s also a crowdfunding phenomenon and a painfully delicious gift for any health-conscious masochist you might know. There are lots of gourmet hot sauces out there, but this one is unique and strange in a way that true hot sauce connoisseurs find irresistible. Their mouth is bound to have a love-hate relationship with this stuff.
Everyone, from Elon Musk to your next door neighbor, is straight-up terrified of the robot takeover, envisioning all kinds of post-apocalyptic horrors being visited upon us by our own creations. But then one of them offers to mow the lawn and everyone’s like, “Well, they can’t be that bad.” And it’s true - there might be a few bad apples coming down the assembly line, but you won’t find any in the lawn mower category. Just helpful, friendly, sort-of-intelligent mini landscapers who just want you to give them a place to lay low and recharge in between jobs. Nothing to be scared of here.
If you’re looking for a subtle way to tell them that they always have spinach in their teeth, look no further than these whisky flavored toothpicks. On the plus side, you’ll no longer have to look at the salad growing in their mouth. On the downside, their breath will smell faintly of Scotch forevermore.
Pepper is an in-your-face spice, and its essence has nothing to do with subtlety. Here is the perfect vessel for the preeminent seasoning at the table. Let this beautifully crafted ebony grinder tower over the other lowly flavors, including its eternal rival, salt. Any other symbolism we’ll leave up to your imagination.
If given the choice of any imaginable superpower, not many would choose “magnetic wrists.” Except, perhaps, carpenters. And the world would look upon them skeptically, until they tried out one of these magnetic wristbands for themselves. Thankfully, in a world where real superpowers are hard to come by, you can now get your own magnetic wrist for pretty cheap. And better yet, it can be removed at any time, so you’re not collecting stray parts as you go about your day. Simple technology beats superpowers every time.
The most important things in a person’s life aren’t things at all. They’re memories, experiences and relationships. This clever game is designed to help them recall stories and memories they haven’t thought of in years, and is a great way to reflect on the crazy path that has gotten them where they are today.
Some people just can’t sit still. If you don’t give them something to do, the next thing you know they’re breaking open an old thermometer to play with the mercury or teaching the dog to “finger paint.” That’s exactly who the New Hobby Box was created for — the restless souls who can’t stop going from one activity to another. It’s also great for your weird uncle who’s been whittling identical wooden gnomes for the last thirty years and needs to branch out. With so many hobbies available, there’s no reason anyone needs to be bored these days.
Alright, enough pussyfooting around. Are you gonna open that damn bottle or not? This authentic 50 caliber shell will definitively end the standoff with any stubborn bottle cap, no matter how strong a fight it’s willing to put up. The Bottle Breacher is made by and supports veterans, and might pique the interest of an ex-military or historically-minded recipient. Using an actual bullet to crack open a well-deserved beer at the end of the day is surely a much nicer use for it than originally intended.
Craft brewing has definitely taken over the beer industry. But with so many microbreweries and so much competition, it sometimes gets hard to keep up. And who knows what to make of the bizarre varieties taking over liquor store shelves? Orange pickled hibiscus springtime lager? Porcupine quill Mongolian stout? Good lord. Time to look into the homebrew options.
Just because someone wants to have a smartwatch doesn’t mean it has to ruin their sophisticated wardrobe. Conversely, just because someone wants a classy watch doesn’t mean it has to be as dumb as…an old watch. The Armani Touchscreen Smartwatch bridges that gap elegantly, with a classic analog-style watch face as well as Android and iOS compatibility. The Armani touchscreen allows them to text, track their activities, monitor their sleep, control the music on their smartphone, and tell the time (as if anyone does that with a watch anymore).
Speed is dangerous, but some kinds are more dangerous than others. This one is mostly just fun. But be careful: once they’ve experienced the feeling of flying around the track, the engine roaring like a wild beast, the smell of smoldering rubber in the air, they may never quite be the same.
If you're stuck on a gift idea, don’t overlook the obvious - everyone needs to eat. You could cook for them, or treat them to a fancy restaurant, but why not bring the experience of fine dining into the home? Hiring a professional private chef will make for a unique and memorable evening. Not only do they get to eat amazing food prepared right in their kitchen with their own equipment, they will learn the nuances of culinary excellence from a seasoned expert.
Sturdier, more convenient, and easier to handle than traditional kabob skewers. No more forgetting to buy skewers and having to eat raw steak and vegetables or cook with their bare hands. Not every brilliant solution has to be high tech. Some just make a lot of damn sense.
If you’re going to do something, do it the right way. That goes for buying a knife too. The last thing you want is to be in a life and death situation and have to say, “If only I had a fine-toothed miniature saw and I knew what time it was.” This pocket knife has you covered on both fronts. The only way we could imagine this knife being more loaded is if they added a miniature cannon or gave it time travel capabilities. The perfect gift for the survivalist who likes that extra layer of security against that “what-ifs”.
Ever since slushies were invented, they’ve been treated like they’re for kids and kids only. But discrimination is never justified, and the creators of this beer slushy maker are out to prove it. Adults want in on the party too, just in a different way. Specifically the beer way. And this machine takes them directly to Beer Way, right down Delicious Street.
From the tree of holy union springs forth the fruit of humanity. That’s not from the Bible, but you could probably get away with saying it is. Not that this piece of family art needs any explanation. This elegant representation of the famous family tree metaphor allows the owner to display the fruit of their loins, and the fruit of their ancestors’ loins, proudly for all to see. Genealogy is a beautiful thing, especially when presented like this.
In the land of the drunk, there are two categories: the worldly and the degenerate. Everyone else is sober. This old world globe bar sends a not-so-subtle signal which one they belong to. Help them appear wise and fascinating by appropriating the air of an intrepid explorer, even if they’ve never left the state.
Every big shot needs a set of these to take their big shots from. Help them flex their drinking muscles or show their military/hunting roots. A perfect gift for that person who really goes in for the kill at the drinkin’ hour.
Happy couple decides to go on vacation, finds quaint lodging belonging to complete stranger for a price that seems too good to be true. In the movies, they get hacked to pieces. So here’s one way you can be happy that real life never ends up like the movies. In real life, they just have a great time and never stay in a hotel again.
For many thousands of years, “grilling” has meant chopping something up and suspending it over an open flame. Sure, maybe you add some new proprietary seasoning to spice things up a little and impress your in-laws, but for the most part nothing’s really changed. It’s time to disrupt (that’s what the B school kids call it) this primal practice with a little infrared technology. Call this grilling 2.0. Life has sped up immeasurably since the days when we were chasing down goats and killing them with our bare hands. We’ve got jobs now, and Netflix shows to watch. This crazy little box will get the grilling done in no time so they can get back to real life.
Mainstream wine snobbery has never taken hold in the New World like it did in Europe, so we use coffee and beer as vehicles to look down on each other in its place. Your grandpa may have been more than happy with a cup of Maxwell House every day for 70 years, but that was a different time. The masses have developed a palate, and there’s no looking back. But with all the thousands of artisan roasters out there, anyone trying to keep up on their own is likely to go insane. Luckily, some already insane person has taken on the job of curating, so the rest of us can pretend we’re experts.
With professional quality drones now becoming affordable, the average schlub can make cinema-quality videos for the first time in history. Those epic sky shots that used to be exclusively available to Hollywood-level film crews are attainable for anybody. All it takes is a simple drone copter like this one armed with a professional quality video camera. And this thing brings all kinds of mischief within the user’s reach, even the kind that might land them on the news. What more inspiration could a bored tech nerd need?
Replicating bloody warfare between kingdoms, and played by some of the most brilliant minds in the world, chess stands large in the human game-o-sphere. Yet it carries such a small physical footprint. Something had to give. This giant chess set makes its players feel like Roman gods directing the earthly battles of royal dwarves. It also serves as a stunning piece of landscape art, like something straight out of Alice in Wonderland. The last word in life-size board games.
As your parents get older, they start forgetting things. Good memories start getting pushed out in favor of petty grievances like who forgot to take out the garbage. Enforcing positive memories through some physical, ritualized system like this can sometimes be the only way to keep them from each other’s throats. This kit comes with everything they need to record all the happy things that occur from day to day and collect them in a safe place to be relived again in the future. And it’s so much cheaper than therapy.
Grilling out is about to get a makeover. No more lugging around a bag of charcoal or pressurized cans of flammable liquid. That’s stone age crap. It’s time to start harnessing geometry and the primal power of the solar system to help make dinner. The parabolic reflective surface condenses the sun’s rays on the cooking vessel, letting them grill, steam, slow-cook, or pan fry their favorite dishes under the clear blue sky, and all with a minimal level of human input. Sometimes simpler really is better.
Natural materials exude a timeless class that never goes out of style. In fact, it’s almost impossible to look bad when you’re wearing a wooden watch (that’s not an invitation to try). These beautiful accessories go with just about every wardrobe style - all the way from yuppie to hippie, and everything in between. Even a clown suit. And really, that’s the true measure of style: does it look good on a clown suit?
Like the commissioned public statues of old, the most revered among us are now immortalized in bobblehead form. In fact, being commemorated with a bobblehead is one of the highest honors that a modern man or woman can aspire to. Surely you know someone who is worthy of such a gift, whose contributions to society and their fellow travelers makes this an appropriate gesture of respect and admiration. Go ahead, place them among the great figures of history. They’ve earned it.
Crack open that old shoebox of Polaroids and add a modern-day twist to those beloved memories. Relive the first days of school, prom night, headgears and little league. Who says you can only live once? These hilarious shots will entertain your parents for hours on end. Just try to keep it clean, for goodness sakes!
Remember those line drawings you made back when you were a few feet shorter? They may have been borderline indecipherable, but your parents sure were impressed. Well, you’ve grown up and now you’ve got the chops to bring them to life. Show your parents how adorably delusional they were about your abilities.
Starbucks and fine Italian restaurants everywhere have succeeded in jading us all. The result is that nobody’s happy with a simple cup of coffee anymore. Espresso, doppio, cappuccino, macchiato, latte…the average person’s coffee tastes are so much more complicated and demanding. And the truth is, all you have to do is walk thirty or forty feet to the nearest Starbucks to indulge your addiction. But why bother when you can just hit a button on a machine in your kitchen and do it even better? Sur La Table produces some elite personal caffeination solutions, and they’re oh so worth the investment.
Some people are old school - they like to do things they way they’ve always done them - with pen and paper. For those who have yet to embrace to advantages of the digital world, an electronic notepad will at least eliminate the paper. They can still use the stylus to scribble notes that no one else can read, but at least there’s an electronic copy now.
Know someone who’s had a lot of close calls? Celebrate it with this bullet-embedded shot glass. A strong reminder that you never know which direction the next shitstorm is coming from, and you never know what shape it’s going to take. You might as well live it up now while you can.
It may look like a refrigerator to you, but to a wine bottle it feels like a 5-star luxury spa. Wine has its own temperature at which it likes to repose, and if you grant your bottles their wish, they’ll repay you by not turning to vinegar. This modern cellar’s compact design is perfect for that wine lover who doesn’t want to take up the entire basement with a traditional wine rack - or who doesn’t have a basement at all. Whether they fill it with rare vintage or 2-buck chuck, now all of their wine can relax in style.
The perfect gift for the person who’s always getting lost in the dark, tripping down the stairs on their way back from the bathroom, or struggling to summon The Batman, the light from this flashlight is visible from five nautical miles away. They’ll never need to fear the Joker again!
Air travel can be pretty uncomfortable, especially if you're crammed in an economy seat like most working folks. When the stress is mounting, the kid starts crying, and the pilot announces that they'll be arriving behind schedule, at least there is booze. These cocktail kits will help them find their happy place when they feel like popping that emergency exit and bailing out.
Everyone dreams of being the coolest man on the block. Well, when the summer weather heats up, even the coolest of the cool need some help. An ice cream maker is a classic answer to this age-old problem. But as any self-respecting person knows, if you’re going to do something, you should do it right. So if you’re making ice cream, don’t use some cheap imitation ice cream maker that’s been sitting on the shelves at Target since the late ‘90s. Go for the Sur La Table Dream Ice Cream Machine - the Rolls Royce of home confection. And as an added bonus, this also might just make them the sweetest person on the block.
They may have achieved elite Girl Scout or Boy Scout status when they were younger, but that badge-covered sash won’t be able to save them from a sinking car. Forget cookies — today’s scouts should be peddling these life-saving gadgets instead. Foolproof and dependable, this indispensable car accessory packs a mean punch and won’t disappoint when imminent danger strikes.
When you were a kid, your mom probably told you not to sit so close to the TV — at least, if you were born way back before parents gave up on that sort of thing. Well, here is the Oculus Go, designed to be the ultimate in sticking it to your parents. It’s also the perfect gift for someone who loves big screen movies but hates sitting next to other people. Pretty much the most immersive personal entertainment system available, designed for people who want to be in the movie, not just watch it.
You know what they say about so-called cooks who can’t produce real smoke-flavored food: “If he can’t smoke, he must be a joke.” This compact but roomy stainless steel digital smoker lets even the open-air novice produce smoked meats worthy of any barbecue competition, and being a no-fire smoke device, he doesn’t have to worry about burning down the house just to appease the family’s taste buds. And best of all, the digital controls mean there’s no guesswork involved, so it comes out just right every time.
In a world where deadlines are king, why not focus on a finish line that’s really worth celebrating? Retirement! They'll keep their eye on the prize with this optimistic ticker that will drive them to accomplish bigger and better things at work. Imagine the sweet silence of no alarm in the wee hours of the morning. Retirement will feel like it’s always right around the corner.
Don’t just give them one piece of art, build them a gallery. We’re not expecting you to go and build an actual gallery complete with gift shop but we think they’ll be just as impressed with this gift. A digital art museum lets them curate a unique art collection and makes the perfect gift for any art enthusiast. They can even upload their own artistic creations if they’re handy with a paintbrush themselves.
A long time ago, in the distant past, kids used to put baseball cards in the spokes of their wheels to turn their bikes into motorcycles. We’ve come a long way since then. Now, we modify our bikes to actually make them self-powered, not just sound like it. The GeoOrbital Wheel is super easy to install - just remove the front wheel of your bike and hook this thing up in its place, and the next thing you know, you’re leaving the other bikes in your dust.
Few activities draw as much attention, ridicule, and humor as farting. But until recently, nobody thought to create a taxonomy based on this fundamental behavior. Here is a science-backed tour of the world of bestial flatulence, providing an enlightening context to an activity that we often take for granted, but that never seems to lose its novelty. The project was spearheaded by a trained, certified zoologist, so you can rest assured that this information will never let you down when it comes time to apply it in the wild. This is the definitive guide we’ve all been praying for.
Knowledge is the lifeblood of commerce, and sharing knowledge is how the human race continues its noble march toward destruction. But these days, people would just as soon carry a stone tablet as a paperback. An Amazon Kindle is the best way to look smart in public without seeming like a relic.
There’s no substitute for hard work and a craftsman-like approach to getting things done. So when you sit down at your desk, it’s great to a have a little reminder that it’s time to roll up your sleeves and have at it. This message comes through loud and clear with a desktop toolbox. It’s also a great way for the hopelessly messy to clean up that atomic catastrophe of a workspace. No organization involved. Just gather all the junk into your arms and toss it into the generous confines of this stylish vessel where no one can see it. Sometimes appearance is everything.
We can’t emphasize this enough: you ride the motorized cooler full of drinks to the party, you drink its contents, and then you WALK it back home. Nobody wants to be the guy on the news who got arrested for drunk driving an empty cooler. So stay safe.
The squirrels have been playing tricks on us for years, and most of us don’t even know it. In fact, squirrels often go way over the line. From house fires to divorces, they are responsible for untold misery, suffering, and property loss. It’s time we start giving them a taste of their own medicine. Start small. Start here.
You might be wondering why we need another liquid metal to play with. Well, sometimes people lose their mercury, and then they get bored because they have to play with stuffed animals instead. Just make sure you don’t spill this on your car (see video).
Get them started on that Bucket List while there’s time and health to finish it, with a tangible, physical bucket. They can pick an adventure whenever life permits. It's a gift that gives them the opportunity to make memories, rather than giving them a reason to make more closet space.
Having to repeat yourself is such a bore. These comfortable foam sandals leave a clear message behind you, so you can give the command without opening your mouth. Trips to the beach will get a lot cheaper and easier now that your minions know exactly what to do.
Part of the enjoyment of drinking a black and tan is the visual aspect. When the two beers blend together it just looks like someone screwed up at the Guinness brewery. This is the kind of thing you care about when proclaim to be a beer connoisseur. Here's a little gift that can at least help him look like he knows what he's doing.
The Echo Spot might look like the Echo’s little cousin, but that doesn’t mean that it lacks in features. This is the all-in-one smart speaker with video screen for the space-conscious person on your gift list. It makes a great bedside alarm/smart home companion, and does virtually everything the full size echo can do, plus it makes video calls. So they can basically run their whole life without ever getting out of bed.
A book is more than just a collection of words and ideas. It’s a frozen piece of time — the intersection of one person’s (or sometimes multiple peoples’) thoughts and experiences with the moment in which they were recorded. So sometimes a 50th reprint of To Kill a Mockingbird just doesn’t seem to carry the same weight that it should. Serious book lovers love first editions, because they’re a tangible piece of cultural history.
Sure, it will be strange when you have to get that cheek swab from them without them knowing what you’re up to, but it will all make sense when you reveal this custom portrait that showcases their unique DNA. Or you could just give them the DNA collection kit as the gift if that’s easier. Or just swab your dog. They’ll never know the difference.
For the true art connoisseur, sometimes a poster reproduction of a famous work just isn’t enough. And no, you’re not going to fool them with a “really nice” giclée print off Amazon. These are real, one-of-a-kind, straight from the hand of the artist genuine pieces. Whether it’s a canvas painting, a piece of modernist furniture, or an $18,000 metal balloon dog, there’s something for everyone here (and, believe it or not, for any budget if you’re willing to dig a little).
The original smart speaker and still the reigning king (or queen) of the market, the Amazon Echo invented a new category and has been dominating it ever since. The Echo’s virtual assistant, Alexa, is kind of like Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey, except she’ll never kill your friends and lock you out of the house to die.
The Ring Video Doorbell is an invaluable tool for anyone looking to avoid unnecessary human contact. Because whether it’s a door-to-door salesman, that weird kleptomaniac kid from next door, or your Mother-in-Law, answering the front door in person can lead to all kinds of awkward encounters and sometimes even property damage. This is the electronic doorman you’ve always dreamed of.
Silent but deadly takes on a different meaning when you walk in the room, but in your defense, you haven’t actually left a trail of bodies in your wake. In fact, nobody has dared step in your wake for years. Here’s a smart appliance that will protect your family from a couple of other silent killers.
The idea that your home appliances are now studying and learning your habits might sound a little creepy. But this thing is really only trying to save you money. And no matter what you heard, it can’t read your thoughts. Unless you want it to.
Many days, all you really need to get out of bed is a great cup of coffee. But before you can even make coffee, you have to get out of bed. It’s one of life’s great conundrums. With a coffee machine like this, you can schedule it to have a great cup of joe ready for you as soon as you wake up. So all you have to do is drag your sorry carcass out of the sack and your day is ready to hit overdrive.
A great piece of meat is only good if you cook it right. And unless you’re going to crawl in the oven with it, it’s going to be hard to monitor it second-by-second so that you know the right instant to take it out. The meater uses wireless communication to signal that dinner is ready. Just like your primitive ancestors.
Nobody wants to be forced to act responsibly at a barbecue. That defeats the purpose. Yet the grilltender holds everyone’s happiness hostage to his attention span. After five or six beers that doesn’t work so well. This wireless grill thermometer will send an alert to your phone that the steak you’re ignoring is ready for your mouth.
Some might consider it the ultimate display of human privilege to begin claiming faraway stars just because we have a few extra dollars in our pockets. But once you realize that the universe is far bigger than you think it is, you’ll cool off a little. There’s more than enough to go around for everybody. Several billion times over. So go ahead and give someone a little piece of the cosmic pie. Nothing to get all riled up about.
So much of golf is a guessing game. They have to estimate the wind, take calculated risks to avoid water and sand hazards, and pace their beer consumption appropriately. A laser range finder at least takes club choice out of the equation. It’s also waterproof, which is great for those times when they feel like hurling it into a creek in a fit of rage. Armed with tools like these, it’s only a matter of time before they take the pro tour by storm.
Watch opposing armies fight for supremacy on the living room wall with this piece of functional art. Grandmasters and novice players alike will appreciate checking their opponents on the most unique game board in their home. Framed like a picture, this chessboard makes a unique present for anyone who loves to play games.
If procrastination is winning the gift shopping battle, you can emerge victorious by running down to your local art, science, or history museum to grab a gift membership. It will seem like something that you put a lot of thought into, finding a gift that enriches their lives, exposes them to new cultures, and all that junk.