Every year, when a special birthday comes up, we like to show how grateful we are that all those years ago, something great happened: they were born. They made their entry into the world. Actually, something important happened even before that, but for some reason we don’t celebrate it. The thing about birthdays, however, is that everyone has them. Which means that after a couple of decades, ideas start to wear thin. But don’t hit the panic button just yet. That’s what we’re here for. So consider this our gift to you.
Sometimes we hear that life is short. Here is a calendar that proves that this isn’t necessarily the case. Instead of fretting over the small mistakes in life, like telling your boss to go stick it, gain solace by looking at this calendar and seeing all of the weeks you have open to go look for a new job after being fired. Like so many things, it’s all a matter of perspective. Only a really big mistake is going to eat up a significant chunk of your life calendar. Everything else you can totally overcome.
The word “monstrosity” is not often used in a good way, but Fatty Cakes is helping to change that. Building cakes made of cookies piled upon cookies, drowned in frosting, and sometimes decorated with donuts or even just more cookies, this company is out to stretch your idea of what is possible, or maybe even advisable. Because once you see one of these cakes, you’re never going to be able to look at a simple German chocolate from the local baker the same way again. Just be advised - this cake is going to be the real star of the party.
Every birth is an incomprehensible miracle, and it’s a shame that we only allocate a single day to celebrate each one. Seems kind of lazy when you think about it. With Kindnotes, you can keep those good vibes coming for an entire month. Thirty-one little envelopes, each with a tiny note containing thoughts of inspiration, appreciation, and love. They’ll never get tired of opening these up every day and being reminded of how great they are. Choose from ready-made sets with messages already included, blank cards that you can fill in yourself, or Kindnotes will custom print your personalized set and jar.
Help them get away and recharge in a faraway place where nobody knows them and they can act however they want with virtually no longstanding social repercussions. Because when things get tough, evacuation is usually the only solution.
So this maybe doesn’t have the wow factor of, say, a MENSA membership, but that’s not the point. You can buy a lifetime supply of Frosted Flakes for $.99. We’re not sure what MENSA does for you, but we know it can’t deliver like that. Who’s the genius now?
Give frequent travelers the frequent opportunities to blab on and on about the time they were in wherever. And it fits wherever, adding a classic flair to home or office. This foam-backed map lets travelers chart their journeys with tiny flags and other markers and can be printed with any message the recipient chooses.
Get them operating at peak efficiency with this collection of wisdom gleaned from everyday experts on the living of life. Each page is packed with nuggets of wisdom that explain a better way to do the things that we do every day in clear, no-nonsense language.
It’s a fact: the world is full of stuff, and most of it isn’t ours yet. Amazon Prime helps us to fix that problem a little faster, with free two day shipping, among many other benefits. Whatever their addiction, they can feed it on Amazon. Help them feed it faster and better.
What better way to celebrate another year of life, then with a not-so-subtle reminder of how vulnerable and fragile it all is? Shatter their precious illusions of health and vitality, in the most entertaining and hilarious way possible. A perfect gag gift for your favorite hypochondriac.
Get them started on that Bucket List while there’s time and health to finish it, with a tangible, physical bucket. They can pick an adventure whenever life permits. It's a gift that gives them the opportunity to make memories, rather than giving them a reason to make more closet space.
Around birthdays, a person may start to think about their place in history. They begin to really contemplate what it means to someday join the long chain of human life that led to them and to their descendants. Help them get started on a journey of self discovery by starting a family tree based on their DNA.
Put away childish things, then seal them up into an air and water tight steel container, dig a hole deep into the ground and bury them under a sidewalk. Put a plaque nearby or something like that, wait a few decades, and then have them return to open an archive of their former self. No big deal.
The hoarder’s dream diary, this hardcover or ring-bound (it’s your choice) historical record-keeper finally allows them to organize and maintain their paid entertainment history. No more tossing them in a box or in the nearest convenient empty drawer. Now they’re sorted and annotated, and everything is easy to find in case of emergency or if the IRS decides to audit their entertainment history. Some people will tell you that memories are the lifeblood of existence, but we all know how unreliable those are. Better to have the hard copy.
The original smart speaker and still the reigning king (or queen) of the market, the Amazon Echo invented a new category and has been dominating it ever since. The Echo’s virtual assistant, Alexa, is kind of like Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey, except she’ll never kill your friends and lock you out of the house to die.
In the land of the drunk, there are two categories: the worldly and the degenerate. Everyone else is sober. This old world globe bar sends a not-so-subtle signal which one they belong to. Help them appear wise and fascinating by appropriating the air of an intrepid explorer, even if they’ve never left the state.
Having to repeat yourself is such a bore. These comfortable foam sandals leave a clear message behind you, so you can give the command without opening your mouth. Trips to the beach will get a lot cheaper and easier now that your minions know exactly what to do.
That’s right; you'll be drinking whiskey with that weird-looking liqueur and a lemon. The possibilities are endless—and so are the regrets. But hey, a birthday party isn't complete until things get a little dicey.
This gift gives them actual ownership of a tiny piece of a real Scottish castle, which gives them the legal right to call themselves a Laird or Lady. It’s a perfect boost to their ego, instant bragging rights, and endless opportunities to make them try a Scottish accent. When you add next year’s gift of a kilt to the mix, the transformation will be complete.
We can’t emphasize this enough: you ride the motorized cooler full of drinks to the party, you drink its contents, and then you WALK it back home. Nobody wants to be the guy on the news who got arrested for drunk driving an empty cooler. So stay safe.
Help them learn more about the people around them than they could ever possibly want to know with the classic party game Never Have I Ever. The game is simple: each player takes turns drawing a card and reading the “Never have I ever…” statement out loud, answers truthfully, then hopes everyone is too drunk to remember what they said.
Go big or go home. Wait, they can do both with these giant yard games! They’ll supersize the fun at backyard parties with these larger than life versions of the games we all played growing up. All sorts of giant games are available including checkers, chess, Connect Four, Yahtzee, Scrabble, Jenga and more.
Many studies point to a higher life expectancy for those that follow a Mediterranean diet. What looks like a humble bottle of olive oil could well be the elixir of youth. We can’t think of a better present to give to someone that's turning another year older.
These king-sized treats just might be the perfect gift to match their insatiable sweet tooth. This level of candy debauchery might be frowned upon by overeaters anonymous, but life is too short for sugar shaming. No need to wrap these monstrous munchies, the wrapper alone is half the fun and can be used later on as one-of-a-kind wall art to commemorate their gastronomical feat.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
Paperweights are really great keepsakes to give someone for reaching a milestone birthday but, let’s be honest, they’re not the most exciting of things to be given. Decorate their desk with something a little more exciting by giving them an aquatic ecosystem that will be anything but a disappointment. It’s completely self-sustainable and makes a brilliant tabletop talking point.
Years ago on this day, they were born unto this earth of plenty. Now let them graze upon the fruits of this life-giving rock. A birthday is one of the best times to bestow these kinds of gifts upon the ones you love. You know there’s nothing quite like getting a big fat basket of premium produce on your doorstep. Even better than that? Getting it monthly or quarterly through a top-notch fruit subscription like this one.
Back in the old days you were really rolling the dice when you chose a hotel. Either you called blindly after skimming the phone book or simply drove all night and hoped you saw a vacancy sign before you ran out of gas and got murdered by a vagrant. A hotel gift card is not just a way of picking up the tab for a night’s stay; it’s also the priceless gift of peace of mind.
It’s a busy world, and meat eaters don’t have time to mess around. Nobody wants to wait hours for a lousy chicken breast or a piece of salmon. Instant gratification means food in mouth now. The Inferno Grill delivers on this front like no other home cooking system. Heating up to a maximum temperature of 1500 degrees (Holy Bejeezus!), it can double as an elimination system for suspicious remains. That’s not official advice. But it’s also very easy to clean.
If there’s anything that can make wine taste better, it’s a little frustration. If you think life in our rapid-delivery consumer culture is just a bit too easy, then teach someone a valuable lesson on their birthday, by making them work more than they anticipated for their reward. You’re not only giving the world’s oldest artisan beverage, you’re helping develop life skills.
Nothing creates a sense of urgency like counting the seconds until the time when you can’t count the seconds anymore. The surest way to beat procrastination, this watch doesn’t let you off the hook. Strap it on someone’s wrist, give them a hearty slap on the rear, and tell them to get to work.
It’s amazing to think that the idea giving someone a kit to take a sample of their own DNA, that will then be sent off and analyzed, resulting in a detailed personalized genetic analysis, would have seemed like total science fiction just a few decades ago. But here we are.
Why are they still struggling to light a charcoal fire when there’s a 90 billion megaton flaming ball hanging above us? Help them learn to be more resourceful with this reflective solar cooker, then let daylight do the rest. Does NOT double as a tanning device.
Legal in all 50 states, this herb garden smokes the competition! The aroma of fresh herbs will bring serenity and well-being to their home and some much needed flavor to their cooking. Rosemary, thyme, dill, sage, oregano, the options are limitless! Green thumbs not required for this low-maintenance nursery. Sprigs of yummy goodness direct from Mother Nature.
Well, they’ve spent their entire life in this reality, they’ve probably had enough – we didn’t invent a whole new one for no reason. Give them a virtual reality headset and allow them to come face to face with dinosaurs, dance on the moon, meet their idol… you’ll probably never see them in the real world again.
They may be the world record holder for moo goo gai pan take-out orders, but that doesn’t mean they can’t apply that same ambition to a more progressive enterprise on the culinary scene. These boxed meals feature fresh, nutritious ingredients that will inspire healthier eating and put a lid on that MSG consumption. Award their starved taste buds and support responsible land stewardship while you’re at it!
This birthday, why not give them a bouquet of something they actually want – like the chance to win the lottery and retire early to travel the world in a super yacht! Plus, if they win, they’re sure to share their millions with you, right? Right?? Jon, can you hear me, you seem to be sailing in the other direction…?
Some people might ask if anyone really wants to have a special piece of kitchen equipment just to make weirdly shaped pancakes. To those people we say this: How do you explain the existence of waffle irons? Aren’t waffles just pancakes with a shape, basically? Rhetorical question. No emails please.
Birthdays are the classic occasion to celebrate the passage of time. And what is the passage of time? It’s really just a collection of memories. But with all of the distractions and competing messages constantly bombarding us, it’s easy to lose track of so many of these important memories. That’s what jars were made for. Well, maybe not originally. But in today’s world, where your attention is your most precious commodity, the most important thing you can do with a jar is put your thoughts in it. This one is specially designed to hold happy thoughts about the past.
These lamps put a unique spin on the idea of “natural light”. An led lights up the veins of the acrylic plant leaves, creating a diffuse, colored light effect. A beautiful cross between nature and invention, and a creative birthday gift for the art lover who thinks living things are pretty but kind of a pain in the ass.
Brighten up their morning with a breakfast game-changer. The Selfie Toaster is a truly weird way for any weirdo to start their weird day. Whether you choose to brand their breakfast with your face or theirs, it is probably the most unusual way we can think of to eat the most important meal of the day, and a gift that will leave a lasting impression.
Sure, we lived for hundreds of thousands of years without electricity, but that’s not the point. The next time they’re in the middle of baking a casserole and a squirrel falls in the wires at the power plant, don’t make them resort to eating lettuce and raw cookie dough for dinner.
We were all grateful enough when robots started vacuuming our houses years ago. But these little androids were so generous that they went on evolving, because they just can’t help wanting to be more helpful. These days, you can integrate them with your smart home hub and monitor them from afar to make sure they’re not tormenting your pets.
Years ago, we were all told not to play with our food. Now the highest paid, most famous chefs in the world are doing just that, and nobody thinks to slap the gelified calcium chloride out of their hands. This is the food the Jetsons would have been eating if they were more sophisticated.
It’s not always good news when someone says they made you a book. It can be wonderful, of course, but things can get pretty cringe-worthy pretty quickly as the recipient pages through it with growing embarrassment for the both themselves and the giver. So take your time and do a good job with this, OK? Don’t make it weird.
If they’re feeling their age as people tend to as they wave goodbye to their youth, they’ll probably want to put their feet up and relax a little more. Make sure you keep them entertained with a world of books at their fingertips. You can even change the size of the font on the screen just in case their eyesight isn’t quite what it was, but leave them to discover that themselves…
Bacon is the official food of the month, every month of the year. Now somebody has gone a step further and made a delivery service with a special kind of bacon for every month. Every time we go a level deeper with bacon it just gets better. Rumor has it Elon Musk is working on a bacon replicating machine. It’s about time he did something useful.
Normally, the moment someone goes feet up is the appropriate time to stop feeding them wine, but socks with writing on them have a certain authority that is hard to ignore. That’s what makes these so useful: people will definitely listen. And if your feet are already up, you generally can’t fall any farther than you already have. It’s a sort of automatic safety feature.
Champagne is perfect for celebrating all kinds of occasions, so this champagne cork table is not only a fantastic birthday gift, it's also a great conversation piece for future house parties and holidays. Make them the envy of all their boozy friends.
Clouds have always been associated with mystery, beauty, and spirituality. Now they can also be associated with awesome lighting for someone’s bedroom or living room. Soft light filters into the room to create a warm, inviting ambience. Take their home decor into the stratosphere with this unique birthday gift.
Here’s some art that really grows on you. A hanging garden that can be placed on any wall in the house, it can add a bit of unexpected life to an interior space. The frame comes decked out with easy-to-care-for succulents, so you don’t have to worry about giving this to someone with a brown thumb.
No longer just the province of fancy schmancy chefs in the big city, sous vide cooking is now available for the home cook as well. Give your friends the gift of perfectly cooked, melt-in-the-mouth meats at a fraction of the cost of dining out. Just make sure they invite you over! Check out our Guide to Sous Vide Cooking to learn more about this underutilized method of cooking.
The Echo Spot might look like the Echo’s little cousin, but that doesn’t mean that it lacks in features. This is the all-in-one smart speaker with video screen for the space-conscious person on your gift list. It makes a great bedside alarm/smart home companion, and does virtually everything the full size echo can do, plus it makes video calls. So they can basically run their whole life without ever getting out of bed.
Spilled alcohol and broken glass simply don’t fit with the luxury life. Let the lowbrows balance their stemware on the wet, glossy surface of the tub like the hapless fools they are. Your friends deserve better. Bring some peace of mind to their relaxation hour.
Watch opposing armies fight for supremacy on the living room wall with this piece of functional art. Grandmasters and novice players alike will appreciate checking their opponents on the most unique game board in their home. Framed like a picture, this chessboard makes a lovely birthday present for anyone who loves to play games.