Birthday Gifts For Him

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Guy stuff. Man toys. Gifts for the simpler sex. Straightforward, right? Well, anyone who’s tread this difficult path knows otherwise. He may be a great friend, dear relative, or cherished co-worker, but that doesn’t mean buying birthday gifts for him is going to be easy. Here at Thingamagift, we’d like to help you stray from the cliché. This is where you come to reclaim the un-lame. Here is the list of swell stuff you’ve been waiting for to knock his socks off (you weren’t going to buy him plain old tube socks, were you?).

As any connoisseur of nightwear knows, nothing can ruin a good evening like having to climb into an ice cold pair of pajamas. It’s enough to undo all of the day’s hard-won psychological victories. Conversely, a roasty, toasty pair of pajamas is enough to make one feel like the King or Queen of planet Earth, even at the end of a thoroughly difficult or miserable day. Great for home or travel.

Traditional golf pants are one of the most identifiable sartorial statements in the history of men’s fashion. This playful golf leg table captures the timeless style in a gloriously bizarre yet classic piece of furniture. Charmingly whimsical, dignified, and refined all at once, it makes a perfect addition to any man cave, vacation home, or course-side timeshare, and it’s bound to do as much for their reputation among other golfers as shaving ten strokes off their handicap.

Feeling small and insignificant? Looking for that larger than life feeling? Need to jump safely from a great height? Try an inflatable suit. They’re great fun for any occasion, especially for first impressions, and they really make you stand out in a crowd. Inflatable suits are perfect for blind dates, job interviews, concerts or events where personal space may be limited, pushing your way to the front of the line, casual Fridays, motorcycle safety, airplane travel, hiding in pillows, and more.

Not everyone has had the time, genetics, or inclination to cultivate a big hairy belly. That doesn’t mean they should miss out on the chance to flaunt a big hairy belly. This lifelike bag allows man, woman, or child to experience the glory of dadbod-ness. The adjustable waist belt ensures that this manbelly will stay snug no matter what their size, and the roomy, multi-pocketed inside makes this a very functional man pouch.

Video game arcades in every town may be a thing of the past, but with the 80s revival that’s washed over the western world, demand has spiked again for old-time video games that look like they were designed by an 8-year old and housed in giant man-sized boxes. And for good reason: they’re so much fun that you could lose your entire childhood chasing the high score in Asteroids. Don’t ask how we know that.

Variety, as they say, is the spice of life. So why would you try to force people into eating one kind of lasagna? That just seems brutal and barbaric. This three-part lasagna pan lets the family chef cater to everyone’s preferences — whether they're picky eaters, vegetarians, allergy sufferers, or just neurotic people with imaginary food sensitivities — helping to unite all eaters around a common dining table. Now that’s a cause we can get behind.

For some people, food is so much more satisfying when they make it themselves. But that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t like a little help every once in a while. This electric tomato press, developed in Turin, Italy by kitchen supply manufacturer Tre Spade, makes it easy to make tomato puree. It even separates the puree from the seeds, pulp, and skins. This means they can make authentic pasta sauce out of fresh-from-the-garden tomatoes, but without having to worry about overworking their soft, dainty little hands.

Take a friend back to their glory days on the streets of Hong Kong with this authentic bubble waffle maker. All they have to do is fill this bad boy with their favorite waffle batter, close the lid, and within a few minutes they’ve got their very own homemade version of one of the world’s most iconic street foods. Add in a stockpile of cheap batter and a few cases of whipped cream, and this could literally keep them alive for years.

As much as we love old people, we can’t stop laughing at how often they lose things. But alas, we really should take some pity on them. How many times can one person lose their reading glasses before they find that their sanity has vanished along with them? These portable, foldable reading glasses are the answer that elderly folk everywhere have been waiting for, whether they know it or not. Now if you can only find something to help them stop losing their keys…

These days, real furniture does double duty. When you see how far telephones have come, it makes you wonder how much more you should be asking from other household items like tables, chairs, TV stands, and so forth. The bottom line is that furniture’s been getting off easy for far too long. Well, this table’s out to change all of that. With a built-in refrigerator drawer, touch screen controls, and laptop/phone charging capabilities, here is a piece of furniture that’ll truly earn the space it occupies.

Experiences make some of the best gifts, but it can be a real challenge to come up with good ones over and over again. This birthday grab bag allows the recipient to choose any one experience from a list of over 300 options that range from relaxing dining experiences and laid-back ocean cruises to extreme sports adventures in far-flung locales. With experiences available in 100+ countries scattered across six different continents, this is an especially great choice for globetrotters in search of unique and thrilling activities in faraway lands.

Having to get out of bed to retrieve your favorite stuff is the deepest kind of bummer. And since not everyone has the money to afford a full-time servant, many people are forced to suffer the indignity of placing their bare feet upon the cold, hard floor. This bedside shelf is an ingenious answer to that problem, especially for top bunk dwellers and anyone else for whom a bedside table is not an option. An attractive, eco-friendly, and minimalist way to make sure they have all of their doo-dads, gadgets, and consumables within arm’s reach the moment they wake up.

If they stuffed some bacon into this box, this would be Ron Swanson’s dream gift. Offering an assortment of classic manly items like booze, old-time hair paste, leather tote bags, and quite the variety of bladed implements, this is a monthly grab bag of masculine goodies tailored to each recipient’s preferences as determined by a pre-delivery personality test. No guessing here — just solid dude gifts based on hard data and great gift-giving instincts.

Though it is roundly considered bad taste to put socks on your face, no taboo exists against doing the opposite. In fact, rocking a pair of face socks is likely to thrust one several notches up the status meter. It’s one of the most underutilized fashion secrets known to modern man (and modern woman). The ancient books counsel that power and prestige await those who carry the human countenance upon their footwear. These are truly the gateway to greater things.

Are you being watched as you read this? Is your every move being documented for later use against you in the form of blackmail or worse? Probably. And that paranoid friend who’s always going on and on about being watched? They’re most likely right too. But now there’s something they can do about it. With a hidden camera detector, they can foil the plans of even the most ingenious spies, rapscallions, government agents, and other invaders of privacy. A necessary weapon in the modern digital jungle.

Some people just can’t sit still. If you don’t give them something to do, the next thing you know they’re breaking open an old thermometer to play with the mercury or teaching the dog to “finger paint.” That’s exactly who the New Hobby Box was created for — the restless souls who can’t stop going from one activity to another. It’s also great for your weird uncle who’s been whittling identical wooden gnomes for the last thirty years and needs to branch out. With so many hobbies available, there’s no reason anyone needs to be bored these days.

Just because someone wants to have a smartwatch doesn’t mean it has to ruin their sophisticated wardrobe. Conversely, just because someone wants a classy watch doesn’t mean it has to be as dumb as…an old watch. The Armani Touchscreen Smartwatch bridges that gap elegantly, with a classic analog-style watch face as well as Android and iOS compatibility. The Armani touchscreen allows them to text, track their activities, monitor their sleep, control the music on their smartphone, and tell the time (as if anyone does that with a watch anymore).

It’s a little surprising that dash cams don’t come standard with all cars, because they’re quite useful. With one of these, they can record accidents, prevent insurance fraud, report weirdos, and publicly ridicule people’s vanity plates. And last but not least, they can even record every last inch of their road trip and mine the footage for Instagram posts. Because above all, the world must see where they’ve been.

The beer world has truly exploded with breweries over the last decade-plus, which is great for anyone who likes trying new things. However, this proliferation of choice has a dark side. Dyed-in-the-wool beer lovers now face overwhelming anxiety every time they go to pick up a six pack or fill up a growler. The Craft Beer Club removes this pain point by making the necessary choices for all involved, so beer time can go back to being the sweet revelation it used to be.

The Nintendo Switch combines the best of at-home entertainment with on-the-go gaming. Nintendo has always been at the forefront of portable gaming, going all the way back to the original Game Boy. But portability in gaming isn’t everything. Sure, it’s great for torturously long rides in the back of the minivan, but nobody wants to sit on the couch and play video games on a tiny portable device while there’s a ginormous flatscreen TV six feet away. The Switch’s dual capabilities solve this problem for good, going from handheld device to living-room gaming system in the blink of an eye.

When you were a kid, your mom probably told you not to sit so close to the TV — at least, if you were born way back before parents gave up on that sort of thing. Well, here is the Oculus Go, designed to be the ultimate in sticking it to your parents. It’s also the perfect gift for someone who loves big screen movies but hates sitting next to other people. Pretty much the most immersive personal entertainment system available, designed for people who want to be in the movie, not just watch it.

Perhaps your old-time flask was made to be discreet. But we believe that the size of your flask should be determined by the occasion, not by your desire to remain anonymous in your drinking. These days, no one wants to bother trying to hide their vices.

Ever since slushies were invented, they’ve been treated like they’re for kids and kids only. But discrimination is never justified, and the creators of this beer slushy maker are out to prove it. Adults want in on the party too, just in a different way. Specifically the beer way. And this machine takes them directly to Beer Way, right down Delicious Street.

Happy couple decides to go on vacation, finds quaint lodging belonging to complete stranger for a price that seems too good to be true. In the movies, they get hacked to pieces. So here’s one way you can be happy that real life never ends up like the movies. In real life, they just have a great time and never stay in a hotel again.

A safety net for the mechanically impaired, AAA is a one-of-a-kind grease monkey support network that can be relied upon to rescue them at any time of day or night. Because deep down inside, you know that for every happy ending, there’s a 1990 Camaro on the side of the road somewhere with a skeleton in the front seat.

Alright, enough pussyfooting around. Are you gonna open that damn bottle or not? This authentic 50 caliber shell will definitively end the standoff with any stubborn bottle cap, no matter how strong a fight it’s willing to put up. The Bottle Breacher is made by and supports veterans, and might pique the interest of an ex-military or historically-minded recipient. Using an actual bullet to crack open a well-deserved beer at the end of the day is surely a much nicer use for it than originally intended.

For centuries artisans have toiled away, diligently refining their skills until becoming masters, so that they can create exquisitely detailed work of the highest craftsmanship. Well, there’s a much easier way now. 3d printing technology has rapidly advanced over the past few years, to the point that they’ve begun printing just about anything. Even houses. The kind people live in. We’re not suggesting that you need to invest in a home-building 3d printer, as those are rather large and might be out of your budget. But 3d printing can be used for all kinds of smaller things as well, from artistic models to home furnishings. And 3d printers are really fun to play with. If you know someone who needs a new hobby to keep them out of trouble, this could be just the thing. And if they’re lucky enough to get this as a gift from you, you will in turn be the recipient of printed thingamajigs for the rest of your time on Earth.

The world is full of natural and man-made wonders, and in the modern age we have the means to visit all of them, and furthermore to get there within a day or two. And every one of these wonders is better seen while you’re still alive, which the title of this book is not shy about pointing out. Everyone needs something to shoot for in their golden years, and 1000 is quite the ambitious number. It's a gift that will inspire them to knock the dust off the old traveling boots and regain a sense of adventure.

Let’s face it, they’re going to learn this stuff anyway. You may as well make sure they learn it right, and some of the things in this book are better not learned the hard way. For example, it may be best to beat that lie detector test the first time around. Plus, it’s a gift for you too – after all, who knows when you might need someone who knows how to crack a safe?

In our crazy modern world, who has the patience to wait more than a day for their online purchases, or to watch one episode a week of their favorite series, instead of a 10-hour binge? If they don’t already have a subscription to Amazon Prime, it’s your duty to bring them out of the dark ages. It’s a gift that keeps on giving, and you can get it for them right now. They’ll get free shipping on tons of great stuff from Amazon as well as access to a bizillion movies for free. Whatever their addiction, they can feed it on Amazon. Help them feed it faster and better.

Craft brewing has definitely taken over the beer industry. But with so many microbreweries and so much competition, it sometimes gets hard to keep up. And who knows what to make of the bizarre varieties taking over liquor store shelves? Orange pickled hibiscus springtime lager? Porcupine quill Mongolian stout? Good lord. Time to look into the homebrew options.

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Perhaps the best gift you could give is a well-earned day off. Watch their face light up when they kick back and enjoy a day of total relaxation as you take care of all the hard work for them. Just be careful not to do the job too well or you’ll find them asking for the same thing for every birthday and holiday to come.

Just like you wouldn’t send a samurai into battle with a pocket knife, you shouldn’t let a serious home chef attack his foodstuffs with some dull old blade off the shelves of Walmart. Bob Kramer is a certified Master Bladesmith, and the only one to specialize solely in making kitchen cutlery. In other words, this is a “next level” set of knives, one that any culinary artist would be thrilled to dice their carrots with.

If you’re looking for a subtle way to tell them that they always have spinach in their teeth, look no further than these whisky flavored toothpicks. On the plus side, you’ll no longer have to look at the salad growing in their mouth. On the downside, their breath will smell faintly of Scotch forevermore.

If given the choice of any imaginable superpower, not many would choose “magnetic wrists.” Except, perhaps, carpenters. And the world would look upon them skeptically, until they tried out one of these magnetic wristbands for themselves. Thankfully, in a world where real superpowers are hard to come by, you can now get your own magnetic wrist for pretty cheap. And better yet, it can be removed at any time, so you’re not collecting stray parts as you go about your day. Simple technology beats superpowers every time.

Bunster’s Shit the Bed Hot Sauce is a mix of super-hot chilies and healthy superfoods (like goji berries and apple cider vinegar). It’s also a crowdfunding phenomenon and a painfully delicious gift for any health-conscious masochist you might know. There are lots of gourmet hot sauces out there, but this one is unique and strange in a way that true hot sauce connoisseurs find irresistible. Their mouth is bound to have a love-hate relationship with this stuff.

The classic party game where everyone either reveals reputation-demolishing secrets about their past or shamelessly lies to save face. Depending on the temperament of the various participants, it can make for an hour or so of good-natured ribbing, or it can devolve into closet doors being flung open to reveal hideous skeletons beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. In other words, it’s rip-roaring fun. But depending on your own personal history, you may want to sit this one out.

Everyone, from Elon Musk to your next door neighbor, is straight-up terrified of the robot takeover, envisioning all kinds of post-apocalyptic horrors being visited upon us by our own creations. But then one of them offers to mow the lawn and everyone’s like, “Well, they can’t be that bad.” And it’s true - there might be a few bad apples coming down the assembly line, but you won’t find any in the lawn mower category. Just helpful, friendly, sort-of-intelligent mini landscapers who just want you to give them a place to lay low and recharge in between jobs. Nothing to be scared of here.

With professional quality drones now becoming affordable, the average schlub can make cinema-quality videos for the first time in history. Those epic sky shots that used to be exclusively available to Hollywood-level film crews are attainable for anybody. All it takes is a simple drone copter like this one armed with a professional quality video camera. And this thing brings all kinds of mischief within the user’s reach, even the kind that might land them on the news. What more inspiration could a bored tech nerd need?

Replicating bloody warfare between kingdoms, and played by some of the most brilliant minds in the world, chess stands large in the human game-o-sphere. Yet it carries such a small physical footprint. Something had to give. This giant chess set makes its players feel like Roman gods directing the earthly battles of royal dwarves. It also serves as a stunning piece of landscape art, like something straight out of Alice in Wonderland. The last word in life-size board games.

Natural materials exude a timeless class that never goes out of style. In fact, it’s almost impossible to look bad when you’re wearing a wooden watch (that’s not an invitation to try). These beautiful accessories go with just about every wardrobe style - all the way from yuppie to hippie, and everything in between. Even a clown suit. And really, that’s the true measure of style: does it look good on a clown suit?

Know someone who’s had a lot of close calls? Celebrate it with this bullet-embedded shot glass. A strong reminder that you never know which direction the next shitstorm is coming from, and you never know what shape it’s going to take. You might as well live it up now while you can.

Great art doesn’t always take the form you’re expecting. Twitter gives everyone with a phone and an opinion to spare the chance to reach millions of people with a single ill-conceived utterance. With all that verbal garbage coursing through the airwaves, bizarre gems are certain to arise. Lest they drift away and go to waste, someone had the brilliant idea to start framing them. Move over Picasso, it’s time to make room for the real modern art.

If you’re going to do something, do it the right way. That goes for buying a knife too. The last thing you want is to be in a life and death situation and have to say, “If only I had a fine-toothed miniature saw and I knew what time it was.” This pocket knife has you covered on both fronts. The only way we could imagine this knife being more loaded is if they added a miniature cannon or gave it time travel capabilities. The perfect gift for the survivalist who likes that extra layer of security against that “what-ifs”.

A long time ago, in the distant past, kids used to put baseball cards in the spokes of their wheels to turn their bikes into motorcycles. We’ve come a long way since then. Now, we modify our bikes to actually make them self-powered, not just sound like it. The GeoOrbital Wheel is super easy to install - just remove the front wheel of your bike and hook this thing up in its place, and the next thing you know, you’re leaving the other bikes in your dust.

Speed is dangerous, but some kinds are more dangerous than others. This one is mostly just fun. But be careful: once they’ve experienced the feeling of flying around the track, the engine roaring like a wild beast, the smell of smoldering rubber in the air, they may never quite be the same.

Sometimes we hear that life is short. Here is a calendar that proves that this isn’t necessarily the case. Instead of fretting over the small mistakes in life, like telling your boss to go stick it, gain solace by looking at this calendar and seeing all of the weeks you have open to go look for a new job after being fired. Like so many things, it’s all a matter of perspective. Only a really big mistake is going to eat up a significant chunk of your life calendar. Everything else you can totally overcome.

The old-fashioned wooden whiskey barrel has become a symbol of class and refinement. Big change from the old days when having one of these in your basement meant the feds might crash in any day and haul you off to prison for moonshining. There’s nothing like tasting the sweet fruit of your own labors, and these handmade barrels allow the owner to age spirits to their exact specifications. Now, even bottom-shelf bathtub whiskey can be turned into dusky gold in a few weeks time.

Like happiness, most peoples’ wealth is intangible. It’s just a number that represents a theoretical claim on a few bars of metal locked in a vault somewhere that don’t exist anyway. So what’s better than happiness and fake money? Gold! And nothing but gold! But you’re way too sophisticated to give them a shapeless ball of ore. Gold coins allow you to hand over timeless wealth in a package that’s fit to be displayed. Just like a king of yore.

Knowledge is the lifeblood of commerce, and sharing knowledge is how the human race continues its noble march toward destruction. But these days, people would just as soon carry a stone tablet as a paperback. An Amazon Kindle is the best way to look smart in public without seeming like a relic.

Mainstream wine snobbery has never taken hold in the New World like it did in Europe, so we use coffee and beer as vehicles to look down on each other in its place. Your grandpa may have been more than happy with a cup of Maxwell House every day for 70 years, but that was a different time. The masses have developed a palate, and there’s no looking back. But with all the thousands of artisan roasters out there, anyone trying to keep up on their own is likely to go insane. Luckily, some already insane person has taken on the job of curating, so the rest of us can pretend we’re experts.

The squirrels have been playing tricks on us for years, and most of us don’t even know it. In fact, squirrels often go way over the line. From house fires to divorces, they are responsible for untold misery, suffering, and property loss. It’s time we start giving them a taste of their own medicine. Start small. Start here.

Help them get away and recharge in a faraway place where nobody knows them and they can act however they want with virtually no longstanding social repercussions. Because when things get tough, evacuation is usually the only solution.

What better way to celebrate another year of life, then with a not-so-subtle reminder of how vulnerable and fragile it all is? Shatter their precious illusions of health and vitality, in the most entertaining and hilarious way possible. A perfect gag gift for your favorite hypochondriac.

Get them started on that Bucket List while there’s time and health to finish it, with a tangible, physical bucket. They can pick an adventure whenever life permits. It's a gift that gives them the opportunity to make memories, rather than giving them a reason to make more closet space.

Around birthdays, a person may start to think about their place in history. They begin to really contemplate what it means to someday join the long chain of human life that led to them and to their descendants. Help them get started on a journey of self discovery by starting a family tree based on their DNA.

Put away childish things, then seal them up into an air and water tight steel container, dig a hole deep into the ground and bury them under a sidewalk. Put a plaque nearby or something like that, wait a few decades, and then have them return to open an archive of their former self. No big deal.

Having to repeat yourself is such a bore. These comfortable foam sandals leave a clear message behind you, so you can give the command without opening your mouth. Trips to the beach will get a lot cheaper and easier now that your minions know exactly what to do.

This gift gives them actual ownership of a tiny piece of a real Scottish castle, which gives them the legal right to call themselves a Laird or Lady. It’s a perfect boost to their ego, instant bragging rights, and endless opportunities to make them try a Scottish accent. When you add next year’s gift of a kilt to the mix, the transformation will be complete.

Many studies point to a higher life expectancy for those that follow a Mediterranean diet. What looks like a humble bottle of olive oil could well be the elixir of youth. We can’t think of a better present to give to someone that's turning another year older.

It’s a busy world, and meat eaters don’t have time to mess around. Nobody wants to wait hours for a lousy chicken breast or a piece of salmon. Instant gratification means food in mouth now. The Inferno Grill delivers on this front like no other home cooking system. Heating up to a maximum temperature of 1500 degrees (Holy Bejeezus!), it can double as an elimination system for suspicious remains. That’s not official advice. But it’s also very easy to clean.

Nothing creates a sense of urgency like counting the seconds until the time when you can’t count the seconds anymore. The surest way to beat procrastination, this watch doesn’t let you off the hook. Strap it on someone’s wrist, give them a hearty slap on the rear, and tell them to get to work.

Why are they still struggling to light a charcoal fire when there’s a 90 billion megaton flaming ball hanging above us? Help them learn to be more resourceful with this reflective solar cooker, then let daylight do the rest. Does NOT double as a tanning device.

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This birthday, why not give them a bouquet of something they actually want – like the chance to win the lottery and retire early to travel the world in a super yacht! Plus, if they win, they’re sure to share their millions with you, right? Right?? Jon, can you hear me, you seem to be sailing in the other direction…?

Birthdays are the classic occasion to celebrate the passage of time. And what is the passage of time? It’s really just a collection of memories. But with all of the distractions and competing messages constantly bombarding us, it’s easy to lose track of so many of these important memories. That’s what jars were made for. Well, maybe not originally. But in today’s world, where your attention is your most precious commodity, the most important thing you can do with a jar is put your thoughts in it. This one is specially designed to hold happy thoughts about the past.

Men of discerning tastes should not suffer the indignity of walking back and forth from the couch to the kitchen for a beer. We put a man on the moon for God’s sake. Hand-made by Amish craftsmen and built to last for generations, this is no flimsy Walmart furniture. Class out the wazoo.

In the land of the drunk, there are two categories: the worldly and the degenerate. Everyone else is sober. This old world globe bar sends a not-so-subtle signal which one they belong to. Help them appear wise and fascinating by appropriating the air of an intrepid explorer, even if they’ve never left the state.

Sure, it will be strange when you have to get that cheek swab from them without them knowing what you’re up to, but it will all make sense when you reveal this custom portrait that showcases their unique DNA. Or you could just give them the DNA collection kit as the gift if that’s easier. Or just swab your dog. They’ll never know the difference.

Watch opposing armies fight for supremacy on the living room wall with this piece of functional art. Grandmasters and novice players alike will appreciate checking their opponents on the most unique game board in their home. Framed like a picture, this chessboard makes a lovely birthday present for anyone who loves to play games.

As far as unusable real estate goes, this isn’t a bad deal. Buy swampland in Florida and everyone thinks (actually, knows) you’re a poor, sad, gullible boob who’s open to being taken advantage of. Own some land on the moon, on the other hand, and you’re sort of a lazy pioneer. It’s a long way to go for a vacation, and whoever you give this to probably can’t afford to make the trip, but if they ever figure out how to make this whole space taxi thing work, their great grandkids might just get some use out of it.

The original smart speaker and still the reigning king (or queen) of the market, the Amazon Echo invented a new category and has been dominating it ever since. The Echo’s virtual assistant, Alexa, is kind of like Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey, except she’ll never kill your friends and lock you out of the house to die.

Nobody wants to be forced to act responsibly at a barbecue. That defeats the purpose. Yet the grilltender holds everyone’s happiness hostage to his attention span. After five or six beers that doesn’t work so well. This wireless grill thermometer will send an alert to your phone that the steak you’re ignoring is ready for your mouth.