The Christmas stocking tradition started centuries ago when St. Nicholas threw some gold coins down a poor family’s chimney and they landed in some socks that were hanging on the mantle to dry. But don’t tell your family this, because they might not be satisfied with the candy canes and action figures you’ve been leaving them all these years. Some traditions it’s just better to keep the people in the dark about.
The dark brown treats in these little cotton bags aren’t actually Reindeer droppings (or any other animal, for that matter), though legend holds that such is their true origin. No, these are just fine, lovingly-crafted milk-chocolate almonds with a gross name. For some reason, people get a kick out of eating things they’re not supposed to, and this bizarre gift gives them the chance to indulge in an ultimate culinary taboo without paying the price of gastrointestinal illness. Also, they’re delicious.
If you’re looking for a subtle way to tell them that they always have spinach in their teeth, look no further than these whisky flavored toothpicks. On the plus side, you’ll no longer have to look at the salad growing in their mouth. On the downside, their breath will smell faintly of Scotch forevermore.
Air travel can be pretty uncomfortable, especially if you're crammed in an economy seat like most working folks. When the stress is mounting, the kid starts crying, and the pilot announces that they'll be arriving behind schedule, at least there is booze. These cocktail kits will help them find their happy place when they feel like popping that emergency exit and bailing out.
Alright, enough pussyfooting around. Are you gonna open that damn bottle or not? This authentic 50 caliber shell will definitively end the standoff with any stubborn bottle cap, no matter how strong a fight it’s willing to put up. The Bottle Breacher is made by and supports veterans, and might pique the interest of an ex-military or historically-minded recipient. Using an actual bullet to crack open a well-deserved beer at the end of the day is surely a much nicer use for it than originally intended.
There’s no better way to wash off the stress and anxiety of a long day than with a bath bomb. Turns out they’re great for healing too. Like aromatherapy and hydrotherapy all rolled into one, bath bombs help soothe and relax aching joints and muscles while infusing the air with the calming, rejuvenating fragrance of essential oils. It's a little gift that will help her unwind in a big way.
Pens have a way of disappearing, and since they don't have legs, we have to assume people are stealing them. These serial pen thieves are lurking in every office and workplace, and everyone is a suspect. We've all been a victim, and we all just accept the fact that when someone asks if they can borrow a pen, that pen may be gone forever. There is a simple solution - use pens that make people deeply uncomfortable, preferably with messages so unsettling that they may not ask you again. And since such a pen would truly be yours to keep, it ought to be a good one. These professional metal barrel pens not only make a memorable first impression, but are built to last and filled high with ink - unlike some discount novelty pens out there. A great gift for your coworkers and friends, and even better to keep for yourself.
Bypass the needless chit-chat that’s clogging the communication channels with a healthy dose of introspective entertainment that’s sure to surprise. TableTopics will provide you with thought-provoking topics designed to prompt long conversations about everything and anything imaginable. With more than 2 million copies of TableTopics sold, this thing certainly has people talking.
If given the choice of any imaginable superpower, not many would choose “magnetic wrists.” Except, perhaps, carpenters. And the world would look upon them skeptically, until they tried out one of these magnetic wristbands for themselves. Thankfully, in a world where real superpowers are hard to come by, you can now get your own magnetic wrist for pretty cheap. And better yet, it can be removed at any time, so you’re not collecting stray parts as you go about your day. Simple technology beats superpowers every time.
Believe it or not, these days gifting shares of stock is as easy as buying a gift card or ordering a certificate online. Stockpile is the leader in this category, and they offer the absolute simplest way to give someone stock in any one of a long list of major corporations. All you do is choose which company you want to buy stock from, load a certain amount of money onto the gift card, and you’re done. You can have a physical card mailed to you, or you can have it delivered through email to either you or the recipient.
They may have achieved elite Girl Scout or Boy Scout status when they were younger, but that badge-covered sash won’t be able to save them from a sinking car. Forget cookies — today’s scouts should be peddling these life-saving gadgets instead. Foolproof and dependable, this indispensable car accessory packs a mean punch and won’t disappoint when imminent danger strikes.
The most important things in a person’s life aren’t things at all. They’re memories, experiences and relationships. This clever game is designed to help them recall stories and memories they haven’t thought of in years, and is a great way to reflect on the crazy path that has gotten them where they are today.
Bunster’s Shit the Bed Hot Sauce is a mix of super-hot chilies and healthy superfoods (like goji berries and apple cider vinegar). It’s also a crowdfunding phenomenon and a painfully delicious gift for any health-conscious masochist you might know. There are lots of gourmet hot sauces out there, but this one is unique and strange in a way that true hot sauce connoisseurs find irresistible. Their mouth is bound to have a love-hate relationship with this stuff.
If you’re following the same sequences every day, sometimes yoga practice can be a little repetitive. But making up your own sequence as you go can involve too much thinking, which messes up your flow. Every once in a while it’s nice to have some randomized guidance. Just roll these wooden yoga dice and let the universe decide which way you should bend yourself. The perfect stocking stuffer for the yoga enthusiast (or beginner) who’s looking for a way to shake up their practice.
Why is it so hard to judge the correct amount of spaghetti noodles to cook? It’s not like we haven’t done this a million times. For whatever reason, the human mind cannot solve this equation. Luckily there’s no need with this handy tool that can measure standard portions for people and even those who are so hungry they could eat a horse.
Spilled alcohol and broken glass simply don’t fit with the luxury life. Let the lowbrows balance their stemware on the wet, glossy surface of the tub like the hapless fools they are. Your friends and loved ones deserve better. Bring some peace of mind to their relaxation hour.
The classic party game where everyone either reveals reputation-demolishing secrets about their past or shamelessly lies to save face. Depending on the temperament of the various participants, it can make for an hour or so of good-natured ribbing, or it can devolve into closet doors being flung open to reveal hideous skeletons beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. In other words, it’s rip-roaring fun. But depending on your own personal history, you may want to sit this one out.
If you’re looking for a simple techie gadget that will really blow their hair back, this might be just the thing. A single led-studded fan blade creates a hologram-like clock face as it twirls through the air - cooling your room, telling the time, and blowing everyone’s mind all at once. Is it a physical metaphor playing on the idea that time is an illusion? A piece of alien technology? No, it’s really just a cool little gadget, even if it seems like it’s specially designed to freak out cats.
It’s official - the sky’s the limit. No more artificial limitations or imaginary stopping points, and no excuses. If someone on your gift list needs a little encouragement to go out and kick @$$, this is a subtle reminder she can wear around her neck at all times. And it’s a lot easier than carrying around one of those big posters with someone climbing a mountain in front of a sunset or skydiving through a rainbow. The world is her oyster, and don’t let her forget it.
Since nobody seems to be interested enough to invent an ever-lasting battery, it looks like we’re all stuck charging our phones every day for the foreseeable future. But before you throw you hands up in disgust and ask how it could possibly get worse, there is some good news. The same lazy, inconsiderate tech “geniuses” who refuse to make forever batteries have at least found the decency to create a little pad that charges smartphones without having to plug them in. And really, it’s the least they could do.
Generally speaking, the last person in the room who needs more wine is the person who’s already gone feet up. But as long as that posture signals relaxation and not unconsciousness, it’s probably fine. There may be a moral grey area, but that’s not your problem. This is the perfect gift for the most shameless wino you know.
Part of the enjoyment of drinking a black and tan is the visual aspect. When the two beers blend together it just looks like someone screwed up at the Guinness brewery. This is the kind of thing you care about when proclaim to be a beer connoisseur. Here's a little gift that can at least help him look like he knows what he's doing.
The perfect gift for the person who’s always getting lost in the dark, tripping down the stairs on their way back from the bathroom, or struggling to summon The Batman, the light from this flashlight is visible from five nautical miles away. They’ll never need to fear the Joker again!
mBerry tablets are a natural product derived from berries that temporarily alter your perception of taste by binding to your taste buds and tricking your brain. It’s a pretty crazy experience and would make a memorable gift that they’ll be telling stories about for years. The tablets make sour and bitter things taste sweet. You can chow down on a lemon and swear it tastes like an orange. Vinegar tastes like apple juice. Hot sauce and spicy foods become sugary and beer tastes like Kool-aid.
We are intelligent survivors by nature. Despite its ominous name, a worst case scenario can be a lot of fun, provided you have the tools available to pull a MacGyver-like exit. This little kit can save someone’s life over and over again. Check that, only their primal genius can save their life. But this lends a helping hand.
Know someone who’s had a lot of close calls? Celebrate it with this bullet-embedded shot glass. A strong reminder that you never know which direction the next shitstorm is coming from, and you never know what shape it’s going to take. You might as well live it up now while you can.
It used to be the only way to smell like your favorite alcohol was to get so drunk it came out of your pores. Although a few people have probably tried using whiskey as cologne, too. Thank god someone finally came up with a better solution. Beer soap uses real craft beer ingredients to make rich, fragrant soap that not only smells great but nourishes your skin with natural vitamins and nutrients.
Everyone knows that idle hands are the devil’s playground. And if they don’t know, they find out soon enough. So fidget toys are kind of like a modern, commercial age anti-Satanic technology, like hanging garlic to ward off vampires. And these toys are for the connoisseurs of fidgeting, those who won’t be satisfied with doing the same pen trick over and over again, or passing their brief hours on this earth playing with a rudimentary fidget spinner. No, the high-end fidgeter requires variety and challenge; these collections offer both.
Sunflowers are some of nature’s most obnoxiously beautiful creations, and they make a real statement when planted in your yard. Bright yellow and absurdly tall, they grab the attention of every passerby. Almost like standing on the porch and yelling at people, but in a really endearing and pleasant way.
Since the dawn of time, chaos, terror, and death have periodically rained down from the sky. Only the lucky were spared. But now we have weather radios, so you can go inside instead of dying. This one also conveniently charges your phone with a hand crank and some elbow grease, so the next hurricane doesn’t have to interrupt your game of angry birds.
Happy couple decides to go on vacation, finds quaint lodging belonging to complete stranger for a price that seems too good to be true. In the movies, they get hacked to pieces. So here’s one way you can be happy that real life never ends up like the movies. In real life, they just have a great time and never stay in a hotel again.
In a world where deadlines are king, why not focus on a finish line that’s really worth celebrating? Retirement! They'll keep their eye on the prize with this optimistic ticker that will drive them to accomplish bigger and better things at work. Imagine the sweet silence of no alarm in the wee hours of the morning. Retirement will feel like it’s always right around the corner.
This year, when they say they want nothing, make their day by getting them just that. Among this gift’s many wonderful attributes is that it never runs out - so it’s always there, always in the same condition in which you bought it. It also never breaks, can’t be stolen, needs no virtual updates, has no hidden costs or fees, and may or may not be the source of everything (we haven’t yet confirmed). In so many ways, the perfect stocking stuffer is nothing at all.
If you’re going to do something, do it the right way. That goes for buying a knife too. The last thing you want is to be in a life and death situation and have to say, “If only I had a fine-toothed miniature saw and I knew what time it was.” This pocket knife has you covered on both fronts. The only way we could imagine this knife being more loaded is if they added a miniature cannon or gave it time travel capabilities. The perfect gift for the survivalist who likes that extra layer of security against that “what-ifs”.
Most people think you have to get dirty in order to make money, but the inventors of money soap want you to know that’s just a cynical myth. In fact, they want you to know that sometimes the fastest and easiest way to make money is to get really clean. For anyone who needs a little encouragement to get in the shower, a nice fat bar of soap with a rolled up treasury note in the middle should do the trick.
Renaissance thinkers saw humans as a microcosm, a miniature version of the universe. These handcrafted wood and resin rings represent an idealized sanctuary, a miniature model of a beautiful and peaceful place to escape from the not so awesome realities of everyday life. Peace of mind they can carry wherever they go.
Back when old people were kids, shadow puppeteering was accepted as a legitimate skill. That meant holding your hands in front of a light to create rudimentary animal shapes on the wall, because there was no internet. These candleholders are a serious step up. Just try making a mature cedar with your hands. Ok, stop. It’s not going to happen.
Back in the old days you were really rolling the dice when you chose a hotel. Either you called blindly after skimming the phone book or simply drove all night and hoped you saw a vacancy sign before you ran out of gas and got murdered by a vagrant. A hotels.com gift card is not just a way of picking up the tab for a night’s stay; it’s also the priceless gift of peace of mind.
This stocking stuffer gives them actual legal ownership of a tiny piece of a real Scottish castle, which means they have the legal right to call themselves a Laird or Lady. It’s a perfect boost to their ego, instant bragging rights, and endless opportunities to make them try a Scottish accent. When you add next year’s gift of a kilt to the mix, the transformation will be complete.
Along with abundance comes the responsibility not to bore the crap out of people by making the same silly casserole every night. The problem is that nobody wants to think that much about food. They just want to eat. Place the burden of creativity - and blame - on these ingenious foodie dice, and watch the possibilities multiply.
Technology has become so magically efficient and powerful that we now have to resort to corny metaphors and groan-worthy puns just to keep people interested. Case in point: this thumb drive in the shape of…you guessed it, a human thumb. But it’s more than just a gag gift - it actually holds 8 gigabytes of data. So if you were trying to decide between this and a clown nose, remember that the clown nose doesn’t really hold anything.
A trip to the spa promotes relaxation, relieves stress, and contributes to their general wellbeing. It also gets them off your back for a few hours. This is what people call a win-win situation. Ship them off to a place of rest and rejuvenation. You’ll both be glad you did.
Of all the common complaints people have about their jobs - long hours, impossible expectations, a boss who can't be pleased - lunch theft is one of the most vexing. There's likely nothing they can do about many of these issues, but they can at least protect their lunch. Food Theft Deterrent Labels are a simple way to keep those would-be food pirates at bay. Because food theft is just plain wrong. It's a violation of basic decency and an absurd problem to add to the list of challenges they face at work.
Look, soap is great. Nobody’s denying that. But you have to realize that while it does make you clean, it doesn’t accomplish the one thing that so many people wish it did: cover them in chocolate. For obvious reasons, however, being covered in chocolate is a somewhat dubious goal. After all, they would have to wash it off right away to avoid getting it on the furniture. This chocolate soap is the perfect compromise: they get to cover themselves in chocolate and somehow get cleaner at the same time. And wow, it really smells good too.
Don’t give a dog a bone … go for a corn on the cob instead! These whimsical prongs are precisely what every wiener dog enthusiast has been missing. With these perky fellas anchoring both ends of sweet, buttery corn, the cobs will be spinning and satisfying hungry appetites for hours on end. No need to sniff aimlessly around gift shops, hunting down the perfect present—follow the tracks of these hounds and delight a dachshund lover today!
There are a small but important set of emergencies that can only be rectified with a clown nose. This has been demonstrated time and time again in hospitals rooms across the world. Sadly, there’s no money in clown noses, so big pharma keeps us in the dark.
Just give it to them. Don’t make a big deal about it, or give them diet books or a lecture or anything like that. They know. They have figured out for themselves that their body is not quite the well-tuned machine that it once was. Just give the Fitbit, and leave the rest to them.
This is what you do when you realize your taste in home decor is crap. Or maybe the person you’re buying for is too weird to appreciate it. Whatever the case, sometimes it’s not such a good idea to decorate someone else’s house for them. If you’re feeling a little gun shy, let them pull the trigger themselves.
If you enjoy the world-renowned photography of National Geographic, you’re going to love this calendar. Walmart may be a historic case-study in ruthless bottom-line economics, but it’s most remarkable as the central gathering place for the rarest specimens of rural America. Darwin may have reconsidered his fancy theory if he had one of these handy.
There’s nothing worse than having to get up every day and be the same damn person. We all feel the pain, but it’s a rare soul who gets to branch out into alternate identities. Now you can give this invaluable gift to someone you care about. This 48-pack of gag business cards allows the owner to take on whatever persona fits their mood that day - from the mysterious to the reckless to the downright weird.