Pet Paint
For your punk-rock friend with a not-so-punk pet, spray-on PetPaint can make any fur-covered beast look like a total badass. Color the cat and dye the dog in nearly every color you can imagine. It even comes in brown for some reason!
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Wearing this might get someone labeled a paranoid schizophrenic or mistaken for someone with an uncontrollable urge to bite others, but that’s the price you pay for protecting yourself from whoever is listening in, be it the government, aliens, or worse yet, alien government agencies. That’s the world we live in. This is the answer.
The ostrich pillow allows you to bury your head in comfort and escape the danger of having to face a long plane (or train or bus) ride without the best travel pillow on the market. Give one to your favorite napper before their next trip, or after their last one!
If you’re friends with the crazy cat person, you have to buy them this gift. Make them the envy of all their crazy cat friends with this toilet training kit, which will make litter boxes a thing of the past. It will also make their cat king of all the neighborhood felines, complete with his own throne to sit on.
If you’re looking for a gift that they’ll never forget, treat them to a custom made Mousterpiece. They can be designed to your own unique specifications and are perhaps the ultimate weird gift. These beautifully crafted pieces of taxidermy are memorable, possibly a touch creepy, and yet somewhat incredibly endearing.
Perfect for those occasions when you want to give someone the moon and the stars. This set of five amazing envelopes contain accurate depictions of the sky at night. Your astronomically minded friends will be amazed at seeing the universe in a piece of folded paper. As for the moon… well, you can probably figure that one out.
It probably makes more sense to call this a sleeping suit than a sleeping bag, but whatever. With it’s rubberized feet and quick release hand openings, a person can walk around and drink hot cocoa without ever leaving the warmth of their sleeping bag.
Do you know what would be really weird? Absolutely nothing, quite literally. This is a perfect gift for someone who just needs to escape the world and it’s weird ways for a few minutes, even if the world becomes a little less weird without them in it.
Edible spray paint is typically used by fancy cake chefs to decorate their creations, but might we suggest an alternative use? Why not give a can or two to your weird friend who is into graffiti? Let them tag their (and everyone else’s, probably) lunch instead of that spot under the bridge. It’s even certified kosher!
Popular Gifts
Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.
The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.
They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.
A virtual cooking class with Gordon Ramsay is a chance to learn from a culinary master without the yelling and food punching you've seen on TV. His MasterClass lessons feature the seven-star Michelin chef in his home kitchen teaching everything from kitchen setup, buying ingredients, prepping, plating, and pairing restaurant quality recipes that wow guests. Crispy duck with red endive and spinach anyone?
Sleep Pod is a first-of-its-kind sleep solution designed around the science of Deep Touch Pressure Therapy that can help you fall asleep faster, and stay asleep longer. Sleep Pod applies a gentle, calming pressure to your entire body, much like a hug. This helps to reduce anxiety and gets you ready for sleep.
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
So many of your household appliances would be better if they weren’t fixed in place. Wouldn’t you sometimes like to bake in the backyard? Do the laundry on your roof deck? And what about the toilet? Wouldn’t you like to…well, never mind. For now, we’ve got the inflatable hot tub. Move it, deflate and store it, set it back up and inflate it in three minutes whenever it’s needed.