Breast Milk Lollipops
Many, many people slaved away making these lollipops under great duress. They’re called confectioners, and they have a very stressful job. No, these aren’t really made from breast milk, so if you were excited that you found the perfect gift for that pervert you know, you might want to keep looking. Of course you don’t have to tell them they’re not real.
Ah, Japan, land of weirdness, land of robotics, land of cute cat stuff. It all comes together in these crazy wearable cat ears that can read brain waves and move accordingly. After a few minutes calibration, these cybernetic(ish) prosthetics can be controlled by nothing more than your weirdo thoughts.
Your golfing buddy can drink beer on the course without having to hide in the rough with this novelty club. Golfers can hide their short game under a "privacy towel" while they drain their personal water hazard. Give the gift of peace of mind this season.
There are a lot of weird musical instruments out there, but many of them don’t make great gifts since it takes effort to learn how to play them. Not so with the Otamatone! There’s just not that much to know. Squeeze the bottom and it makes noise. Run your fingers up and down the neck, and it makes noise. See what we mean?
We all know that to stay healthy, we should drink 8 cups of water a day, but water is boring and your favorite weirdo is more than likely anything but. Mixology takes a new turn into the modern day with these smart cups which are, we have to admit, a little bit weird. They can’t quite turn water into wine, but they can certainly make it taste different.
If you’re looking for a gift that they’ll never forget, treat them to a custom made Mousterpiece. They can be designed to your own unique specifications and are perhaps the ultimate weird gift. These beautifully crafted pieces of taxidermy are memorable, possibly a touch creepy, and yet somewhat incredibly endearing.
Wearing this might get someone labeled a paranoid schizophrenic or mistaken for someone with an uncontrollable urge to bite others, but that’s the price you pay for protecting yourself from whoever is listening in, be it the government, aliens, or worse yet, alien government agencies. That’s the world we live in. This is the answer.
Show your weird friend that they are the weirdest kind of weird by giving them the tools to train a goldfish to play basketball and soccer. Yes, you read that right. With a little diligence it is possible to teach a fish some tricks. If you immediately know who you would give this to, you owe it to yourself to make this happen.
Edible spray paint is typically used by fancy cake chefs to decorate their creations, but might we suggest an alternative use? Why not give a can or two to your weird friend who is into graffiti? Let them tag their (and everyone else’s, probably) lunch instead of that spot under the bridge. It’s even certified kosher!