Cotton Candy Machine
Cotton candy brings back delicious memories of festivals, carnivals, and other favorite childhood events. But what about someone who lives in a crap town that even carnivals won’t visit, or is scared of clowns or strangers? Despite what your parents may have told you, cotton candy isn’t magic. It can be made right at home with a handy little machine like this.
Many a voracious reader dreams of whiling away the time in a comfortable chair in some musty library. But what if the chair itself was the library? If they can survive this intense moment of revelation, they may have something akin to a braingasm. Which is a hell of a housewarming gift in itself.
The old video games have a charm that just won’t ever be matched again. A couple of ethnic caricatures running around in the clouds killing turtles and invading medieval castles? Nowadays all we’ve got are zombies, which are disgusting and weird and move too slow to be interesting. Hark back to simpler times with this novel housewarming gift.
Run, run as fast as you can, but you can’t escape from a Ninjabread Man. These stealthy holiday assassins will sneak, chop, and stab their way from oven to belly without making a sound. Turn any kitchen into a dojo with these hilarious novelty cookie cutters.
Nothing makes a new house feel like home more than adding some portraits to the walls. Go a step further and let them emblazon their own face on edible items. Nothing says “my house” like a toaster that spits out bread in your own image.
It’s never too early to spread the love. And with this heart-shaped waffle maker, all they have to do is spread the batter, and all the love symbolism comes popping out by itself, like magic. Alas, these delicious creations are destined to be just as fleeting.
Light the way through the dusk with these nontoxic glow in the dark pebbles. Adds a touch of the surreal to a house’s landscaping. Great for drunk homeowners who haven’t lived there long enough to tell the houses apart.
Life is often times very frustrating. It’s easy to eat a thousand pistachios a minute, but you end up with a mountain of inedible shells and a weird feeling in your mouth. The second problem is your own fault, but someone went and fixed the first one because they care about you and hate seeing you struggle. Pass on the gift to someone else you care about.
Both cheaper and healthier than buying commercially-made soda, this thing is a win-win. It’s also a step up in elegance from having a pantry stuffed with cases of Mountain Dew. They can tell everyone it’s “artisan soda”, whatever that means. Their health, checking account, and reputation as connoisseurs will all thank you.