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Years ago on this day, they were born unto this earth of plenty. Now let them graze upon the fruits of this life-giving rock. A birthday is one of the best times to bestow these kinds of gifts upon the ones you love. You know there’s nothing quite like getting a big fat basket of premium produce on your doorstep. Even better than that? Getting it monthly or quarterly through a top-notch fruit subscription like this one.

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    Cotton Candy Machine

    Cotton candy brings back delicious memories of festivals, carnivals, and other favorite childhood events. But what about someone who lives in a crap town that even carnivals won’t visit, or is scared of clowns or strangers? Despite what your parents may have told you, cotton candy isn’t magic. It can be made right at home with a handy little machine like this.

    The Pepperphiles Peppermill Gift
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    The Pepperphile’s Peppermill

    Pepper is an in-your-face spice, and its essence has nothing to do with subtlety. Here is the perfect vessel for the preeminent seasoning at the table. Let this beautifully crafted ebony grinder tower over the other lowly flavors, including its eternal rival, salt. Any other symbolism we’ll leave up to your imagination.

    Shot Glass Chess Gift Idea
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    Shot Glass Chess

    If you know someone that has a bit of a competitive streak, we think we’ve got the perfect gift for them. Be prepared to go toe-to-toe with their bishops, knights and queens as you try to outmaneuver and outdrink them. In this game of chess it’s not just your king that needs to be last man standing.

    Inflatable Heated Whirlpool Spa Gift
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    Inflatable Heated Whirlpool Spa

    So many of your household appliances would be better if they weren’t fixed in place. Wouldn’t you sometimes like to bake in the backyard? Do the laundry on your roof deck? And what about the toilet? Wouldn’t you like to…well, never mind. For now, we’ve got the inflatable hot tub. Move it, deflate and store it, set it back up and inflate it in three minutes whenever it’s needed.

    Bike Chain Bowl Gift Idea
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    Bike Chain Bowl

    Certain small items like keys, wallet, and sunglasses have a bad habit of getting lost when they’re most needed, so it’s nice to have a dedicated spot for them. Ikea probably has a solution for that, but for the love of god, it’s time to stop relying on the Swedish to solve all of your problems. This nice man in Oregon put together a very unique bowl that would look great on someone’s coffee table.

    Expensive Gifts Beer Brewing MachineExpensive Gifts Beer Brewing Machine 2
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    Automatic Beer Brewing System

    Sure, some DIYers like to be hands on, but in your heart of hearts, you know that if you offered to make beer easier, nobody’s going to turn you down. Because turning down easy beer is like turning down free beer - it’s the kind of decision your reputation never quite recovers from. With everything we have to do in a given day just to hold our hectic lives together, being able to push a button and create beer almost seems too good to be true. But it’s not. Good lord, how could life get any better?

    Giant Champagne Cork Table Gift
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    Giant Champagne Cork Table

    Symbolic furniture is all the rage. Champagne lovers will feel tipsy when they see this decorative and functional living room table that pays homage to their favorite beverage. Then maybe you can buy them that dining room table shaped like a cow. Or that butt-shaped toilet seat cover. So many choices in this category.

    Ice Cream Machine Gift
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    Ice Cream Machine

    Save them from trekking all the way down to the local ice cream chain store and waiting in line for some 16 year old who hates everything about them to shovel a handful of mass-produced ice cream into a paper cup and then charge them eight dollars while rolling his eyes. Life is so much more pleasant when you can do things yourself, isn’t it?

    Popular Gifts

    Adjustable Standing DeskAdjustable Standing Desk 2
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    Adjustable Standing Desk

    Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.

    Second Screen For LaptopSecond Screen For Laptop 2
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    Second Screen For Laptop

    The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.

    Interactive Personal Trainer MirrorInteractive Personal Trainer Mirror 2
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    Interactive Personal Trainer Mirror

    They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.

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    Virtual Cooking Classes With Gordon Ramsay

    A virtual cooking class with Gordon Ramsay is a chance to learn from a culinary master without the yelling and food punching you've seen on TV. His MasterClass lessons feature the seven-star Michelin chef in his home kitchen teaching everything from kitchen setup, buying ingredients, prepping, plating, and pairing restaurant quality recipes that wow guests. Crispy duck with red endive and spinach anyone?

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    Sleep Pod

    Sleep Pod is a first-of-its-kind sleep solution designed around the science of Deep Touch Pressure Therapy that can help you fall asleep faster, and stay asleep longer. Sleep Pod applies a gentle, calming pressure to your entire body, much like a hug. This helps to reduce anxiety and gets you ready for sleep.

    Gift Ideas Whole Bottle Wine GlassGift Ideas Whole Bottle Wine Glass 2
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    Whole Bottle Wine Glass

    In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.

    Phonesoap Gift
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    Phone Sanitizer and Charger

    Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!

    Inflatable Heated Whirlpool Spa Gift
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    Inflatable Heated Whirlpool Spa

    So many of your household appliances would be better if they weren’t fixed in place. Wouldn’t you sometimes like to bake in the backyard? Do the laundry on your roof deck? And what about the toilet? Wouldn’t you like to…well, never mind. For now, we’ve got the inflatable hot tub. Move it, deflate and store it, set it back up and inflate it in three minutes whenever it’s needed.