Gotta Go Disposable Restroom
If you know someone who gets funny about using public restrooms or someone who just needs to pee a lot, we think this present is pretty much spot on. This isn’t any old rain poncho, even if it looks like one, this is a modesty preserving, wearable restroom. Because when your weirdo’s got to go, they’ve got to go.
Not everyone has space in their home for a life-sized(!) replica T. Rex skeleton, but, for those who do, we can’t imagine a more exciting gift. Unleash their inner paleontologist with this incredible, museum quality item, an exact copy of a real fossil skeleton found in the Black Hills of South Dakota.
Apparently this stuff really works. It’s fine to pretend it’s something else if the idea of a snail crawling across their face grosses them out. But of course gross is in the eye of the beholder, so maybe it’s not a big deal. Beauty demands sacrifices.
Wearing this might get someone labeled a paranoid schizophrenic or mistaken for someone with an uncontrollable urge to bite others, but that’s the price you pay for protecting yourself from whoever is listening in, be it the government, aliens, or worse yet, alien government agencies. That’s the world we live in. This is the answer.
Show your weird friend that they are the weirdest kind of weird by giving them the tools to train a goldfish to play basketball and soccer. Yes, you read that right. With a little diligence it is possible to teach a fish some tricks. If you immediately know who you would give this to, you owe it to yourself to make this happen.
Yes, we are talking about actual, for real radioactive, uranium ore. It’s nothing you could make a bomb from, we’re pretty sure, but point a Geiger counter at it and your friend is sure to get that uncomfortable “is this thing going to give me cancer?” feeling we all love to hate. Probably don’t give this one to your roommate.
Get back to nature with some jewelry made out of dead bugs. Insects are some of the animal kingdom’s strangest creatures, and the brightest and most beautiful have been chosen for these unique pendants. It takes a special kind of weirdo to rock one of these.
Your friend or loved one may have already started to suspect something about the inherent absurd futility of life. If not, then perhaps you can inform them with this gift, which is an extraordinarily apt illustration of the horrifying predicament in which we the living find ourselves. Doing exactly what it says on the package, this box has no purpose other than to instantly turn itself ‘off’ when you try to turn it ‘on’. Despite being useless, we have to admit it does have a certain charm.
They say that just because you can do a thing, it doesn’t necessarily follow that you should do that thing. But did they ever consider how completely awesome it would be to ride around on a 49cc motorized cooler full of cold beverages? Yeah, we don’t think so either.