How To Poo At Work
Looking for some quality literature for those extended trips to the potty? Hands (and pants) down, this go-to guide to number two etiquette in the workplace should be part of performance evaluations and new hire orientations. A whole new concept for on-the-job training, this handy briefcase buddy is the perfect gag gift that’s guaranteed to relieve some of the pressure we all feel at work. When duty calls … will you be prepared?
Why not reward the passive-aggressive person in your life with a playful beast that best personifies the light and dark sides of their personality? Raw emotional expression can be quite therapeutic and these cuddly critters are particularly gifted when it comes to delivering love and horror with just one forcible squeeze. Lifeless teddy bears are dreadfully dull and possibly creepier than these cheeky creatures. This badass gift is sure to raise the shock factor at the next occasion!
Tough love is so underrated! School a clueless loved one in your life with this lifesaving gift and help reduce the number of whiny adults wandering aimlessly around the planet. There’s nothing wrong with helpful handouts (especially when it comes to gift giving!), but sometimes an in-your-face “hand-up” is the most effective approach if you’re pissing off family and friends left and right. Get over it and just get it done!
Chances are you know someone that can really light up a room … and we’re not talking about their charismatic smile or doll-faced eyes! Keep those sulfur bombs in check with some iron-clad undies. These fashion-forward undergarments keep the toxic gases under wraps so that friends, family members and innocent strangers with a razor-sharp sense of smell won’t be subjected to senseless, noxious pollution of the lower region. Strap these babies on and let ’er rip!
Who needs mink coats when they can have the whole kit and caboodle made from plush fur balls? Put that puss to work and crank out some nifty doodads that will have everyone and their tabby ooh-ing, aah-ing and purring from sun up to sun down. A gift anyone can really wrap their paws around, this handy guide is a humane, albeit quirky, collection of charming ideas for the feline lover on your list. Simply meow-velous!
For the musician who hates music, or for the kid whose parents you hate, there is the Otamatone, a “musical” instrument that makes the bagpipes seem reasonable. A touch sensitive bar on the neck changes pitch, while the little mouth at the bottom “sings” when squeezed. It all makes perfect sense (in Japan).
Imagine walking along a secluded beach to a secret, deserted cove. You lay on the pristine sand, soaking up the sun, just waiting. And then it happens. Someone has followed your trail; they have received your message. “Follow Me,” said your right footprint. “Bring Beer,” said your left. And they did.
This made-to-order voodoo doll is the perfect gift for your most vengeful friend. Just send in an image of who you want the doll to resemble, and the magic happens as your friend pushes pins into the doll’s most sensitive areas. Just be sure it doesn't look anything like you.
This killer accessory is hardly a gag gift. The recipient of this fine headwear will be commanding respect on the racquetball court and sopping up sweat in style while weed whacking the front lawn. There’s something irresistibly strapping about mullets, and there’s no doubt they’ll reemerge as a hairdo trend if not in this decade, certainly the next. Of course, the lucky stallion that’s sporting this feathered mane has to have the proper attitude to match and that just can’t be taught, so give wisely, my friend!