How To Poo At Work
Looking for some quality literature for those extended trips to the potty? Hands (and pants) down, this go-to guide to number two etiquette in the workplace should be part of performance evaluations and new hire orientations. A whole new concept for on-the-job training, this handy briefcase buddy is the perfect gag gift that’s guaranteed to relieve some of the pressure we all feel at work. When duty calls … will you be prepared?
We have long maintained that the only reason people think eating bugs is gross is because society is uptight about it. They taste fine! They are eco-friendly! The have lots of protein! Birds eat them, right? You think you’re better than a bird? You can’t even fly! Try them, we triple dog dare ya!
Perfect for lazy Sunday mornings on the bridge, these Original Show style bathrobes come in gold, blue, or red, and feature an embroidered insignia above the left breast and rank stripes on the arms. Drink coffee and explore the quadrant in these 100% cotton or microfleece ultra-casual uniforms.
Look, we know that not everybody needs to have a giant five pound gummy bear, but not everybody technically needs pants, either. Having a giant gummy bear is like having a pair of pants: once you have one, it is hard to imagine life without it. The point is that need has nothing to do with it.
Sure, die-hard star wars fans are not always the kind of classy dressers who need a pair of cufflinks, we get it. But the ones that are dapper like that will also know that the greatest line from the greatest Star Wars movie is exactly what you’d want on your writs before being put into carbon freeze.
Give these fortune cookies to a friend and tell them you had extra from last night's dinner. Be sure to have the camera rolling when they crack one open and see your bizarre custom message inside. Pick something that no cookie should know about them. Imagine their confusion when they read "You should break up with Mary. She should have been more careful with your Ramones t-shirt" or "Don't forget to get your car inspected. It's been overdue since July."
This killer accessory is hardly a gag gift. The recipient of this fine headwear will be commanding respect on the racquetball court and sopping up sweat in style while weed whacking the front lawn. There’s something irresistibly strapping about mullets, and there’s no doubt they’ll reemerge as a hairdo trend if not in this decade, certainly the next. Of course, the lucky stallion that’s sporting this feathered mane has to have the proper attitude to match and that just can’t be taught, so give wisely, my friend!
Bring toast into the twenty-first century with the most narcissistic toaster yet! Metal inserts will brown your beautiful face onto every piece of toast you make. Freak out your one-night stand with breakfast in bed featuring edible pictures of yourself. Just make sure to smile!
Having eyes on the back of your head would be nice … but how about one humungous peeper shooting from the hip instead? Talk about a pickpocket deterrent! Thieves won’t touch this mesmerizing purse with a ten-foot pole. Whoever’s strolling around with this blinding baby blue better be dressed to the nines because all eyes will be fixated on her! Strangely inviting and incredibly attentive, this ocular gag gift will inspire and amaze. Here’s lookin’ at you, kid!