You know that thing where you mime talking on the phone with your hand, with your thumb at your ear and your pinky at your mouth? These Bluetooth gloves make that real. Sure, people will think you’re weird, but they already think that. And at least you won’t be wearing one of those stupid earpieces.
Many, many people slaved away making these lollipops under great duress. They’re called confectioners, and they have a very stressful job. No, these aren’t really made from breast milk, so if you were excited that you found the perfect gift for that pervert you know, you might want to keep looking. Of course you don’t have to tell them they’re not real.
There are a lot of weird musical instruments out there, but many of them don’t make great gifts since it takes effort to learn how to play them. Not so with the Otamatone! There’s just not that much to know. Squeeze the bottom and it makes noise. Run your fingers up and down the neck, and it makes noise. See what we mean?
We can’t emphasize this enough: you ride the motorized cooler full of drinks to the party, you drink its contents, and then you WALK it back home. Nobody wants to be the guy on the news who got arrested for drunk driving an empty cooler. So stay safe.
The ostrich pillow allows you to bury your head in comfort and escape the danger of having to face a long plane (or train or bus) ride without the best travel pillow on the market. Give one to your favorite napper before their next trip, or after their last one!
Your friend or loved one may have already started to suspect something about the inherent absurd futility of life. If not, then perhaps you can inform them with this gift, which is an extraordinarily apt illustration of the horrifying predicament in which we the living find ourselves. Doing exactly what it says on the package, this box has no purpose other than to instantly turn itself ‘off’ when you try to turn it ‘on’. Despite being useless, we have to admit it does have a certain charm.
Weird meets cool in this unique over the shoulder bag that features a giant winking eye. This rather convincing optical illusion of a photo-realistic eye opens and closes depending on the angle of view. Scare potential thieves away with this creepy accessory.
Edible spray paint is typically used by fancy cake chefs to decorate their creations, but might we suggest an alternative use? Why not give a can or two to your weird friend who is into graffiti? Let them tag their (and everyone else’s, probably) lunch instead of that spot under the bridge. It’s even certified kosher!