Shiatsu Foot Massager
Nobody wants to touch your feet, so stop asking. And we know you don’t want to touch anybody else’s either, so if you want someone’s feet to feel better this is the only ethical choice. And with switchable heat and nonstop movement, this is way better than any human could do anyway. All without the complaining or the feeling of obligation to reciprocate in some way.
Everyone’s heard the phrase, “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.” Typically, this is nothing but a trick used to make the act of backstabbing easier. Luckily, technology being what it is, you almost never have to rely on anybody else anymore. This telescoping back scratcher lets even the most immobile sufferer get to that nasty itch. It’s a get well gift that helps them look out for #1.
The cool thing about giving an Edible Arrangement as a get well soon gift is that even if they are not feeling up to eating much, it is happy to just sit there looking pretty. It’s like giving flowers that visiting well wishers can snack on. And it’s even healthy to boot!
Be careful sending these jars, which are hand-packed with a pair of cupcakes, as a get well soon gift, because it could be counterproductive. We’re not saying they are unhealthy, just that getting these won’t make a sick person want to heal quickly if they think there might be more cupcakes on the way.
We all have the urge to make chicken soup for a sick loved one, but that’s hard to do if you live hundreds or thousands of miles away. Enter the Spoonful of Comfort. They will deliver a basket containing gourmet soup, bread, cookies, a personalized note, and even a ladle. It’s the next best thing to doing yourself.
Our bodies rely on light from the sun to calibrate our internal clock, provide us with energy, and support and regulate our moods. Unfortunately, if you’re stuck inside, you can’t bring the sun inside with you. And if you live in a high-latitude or cloudy area, you’re also screwed. But lucky for all of us, science has made the sun obsolete (almost). A light therapy lamp is a perfect get well gift for someone who needs a convenient emotional or physiological boost while they’re ailing.
In reality this translates to, “I’m a hopeless klutz, but nobody thinks I’m important enough to throw someone else down the stairs in my place,” but that would probably take up both sides of the shirt. And part of being a good friend involves making people proud of their shortcomings. This get well gift kind of makes them feel like a badass for busting their sh*t.
When you’re convalescing, you get all kinds of ideas, because you have nothing but time to reflect. First comes a recognition of all the ways you’re being conspired against by family and government entities. Then you finally realize that the animals know more than they’re letting on. You see where this is going. Give them a puzzle book before they do something stupid.
There are a small but important set of emergencies that can only be rectified with a clown nose. This has been demonstrated time and time again in hospitals rooms across the world. Sadly, there’s no money in clown noses, so big pharma keeps us in the dark.