Hand Crank Emergency Phone Charger
Since the dawn of time, chaos, terror, and death have periodically rained down from the sky. Only the lucky were spared. But now we have weather radios, so you can go inside instead of dying. This one also conveniently charges your phone so the next hurricane doesn’t have to interrupt your game of angry birds.
Give frequent travelers the opportunity to regale their house guests with stories of the time they were in wherever. This foam-backed map lets travelers chart their journeys with tiny flags and other markers and can be printed with any message the recipient chooses. A classy gift that looks great in any room.
Someone went and leveled up the fish bowl. This is the perfect gift for that big-picture thinker who digs sustainability and balance. Also for anyone who wants a pet they don’t have to take care of. The organisms in this eco-sphere take care of each other, maintaining perfect aquatic harmony. Go ahead, write a poem about it.
Kombucha is the ancient art of making tea into something half the people who try it will love and the other half will vomit back onto your carpet. The people who love it are objectively correct, because it makes you live forever (almost). Anyone who has fallen head over heels for it will do the same for you if you buy them this homebrew kit.
Good and bad are always subjective, an eternal truth reinforced by these confusingly labeled shot glasses. They’re also primarily determined in retrospect, which means the moment of decision is not the time to worry about such trivial concepts anyway. A very philosophical gift for someone entering a philosophical phase of life.
Technically speaking, this is a rubber stamp, but colloquially speaking, using it is the opposite of rubber stamping. It allows the owner to send useless, insulting, and otherwise subpar documents back where they came from with the appropriate level of contempt. Slamming this thing face first into each page in a stack of shitty documents may be the highlight of your coworker’s day.
The last thing anyone wants to do after a long day is wrack their brains trying to figure out what to drown their sorrows with. That’s really the last straw. With this beautiful, handcrafted set of drunk dice, the possibilities are endless—and so are the regrets. But hey, a party isn’t complete until things get a little dicey..
The first time they filled the basement with batteries was just before the Y2k crisis. Or if they’re old enough, perhaps during the cold war. In both cases, nothing really happened. But maybe three times is a charm. Even if the modern world doesn’t collapse on itself, you’ll be giving them peace of mind knowing that their 84 remote controls will always be well fed.
Sometimes, you need to get down to business and do your work, but other times, you need to procrastinate—help your friend do the latter. There’s a time and a place for efficiency and that’s not when you have a pen that can bend in your hands.