Why are they still struggling to light a charcoal fire when there’s a 90 billion megaton flaming ball hanging above us? Help them learn to be more resourceful with this reflective solar cooker, then let daylight do the rest. Does NOT double as a tanning device.
Well, they’ve spent 30 years in this reality, they’ve probably had enough – we didn’t invent a whole new one for no reason. Give them a virtual reality headset and allow them to come face to face with dinosaurs, dance on the moon, meet their idol… you’ll probably never see them in the real world again.
Does your friend still seem to think they’re invincible even as their 30th birthday approaches? Give them the gift of a creeping sense of their own mortality with this book that can trigger existential crisis and gales of laughter in equal measure.
Most people would buy these to experiment with cooking, but any cooking is good if it’s free and it’s for you. Use this gift as an excuse to mooch off the 30-year-old in your life. “Have you tried my gift yet? Why don’t I come over and we can use it together?” Using that excuse too much can be dicey though and it may end up with your friend purposefully cooking questionable cuisine.
If they are not living out their childhood sandbox dreams of operating a bulldozer or a backhoe at this age, chances are it’s not going to happen. Tough luck, kid. At least you can let them live that dream for a day by buying them a trip to Extreme Sandbox.
Breaking down and having to call your dad for help is bad enough at 16 – by 30, you’ve outgrown that drama. The gift of an AAA Membership will mean they don’t even need to admit they had an auto-related problem – allowing them to retain the aura of cool, calm and collected adult, who has their s**t together. Ha!
Help the 30-year-old in your life focus more on their health…or at least tell people they do. “Yes, I only need 200 more steps before I reach my goal. Oh, you don’t keep track—yeah, I used to be like that, but now I know better.” Just make sure to shove plenty of candies in their direction, or they’ll flip their health speech on to you.
We think the word is out on how great an Amazon Prime membership is. The free shipping on millions of products? That giant video library? Sign us up! No, seriously, sign us up. Please? And you should sign someone you love up as a 30th birthday gift too while you’re at it.
Some people might ask if anyone really wants to have a special piece of kitchen equipment just to make weirdly shaped pancakes. To those people we say this: How do you explain the existence of waffle irons? Aren’t waffles just pancakes with a shape, basically? Rhetorical question. No emails please.