When people talk about “beer nerds” they mean those who are really into beer and know a lot about it. But what about “nerdy beer nerds?” A nerdy beer nerd likes beer, knows a lot about it, but is also just generally a nerd. The sort of person who would appreciate a beer glass with an HTML joke printed on it.
Musical genius is not a prerequisite for this delightful sound machine. Whether it’s cranking out an original score or “Born to Be Wild,” the sweet melodies of this tabletop hurdy gurdy will capture the ears and lighten the hearts of all those who gather ’round for a listen. Add this customizable heirloom to the instrument collection and inspire a newfound appreciation for all things classic.
The pink flamingo is royalty in the plastic animal kingdom. Nary a beast can approach its fame, distinction, and nobility in that realm. Its closest rival is probably the rubber chicken, but most rubber chickens don’t even have heads. And now the pink flamingo extends its influence even further by offering itself up as the guzzling vessel of choice for the most lit parties. The days of using a beer bong that looks like something their neighbor just got done using to fill his diesel tractor are long gone.
Apparently this stuff really works. It’s fine to pretend it’s something else if the idea of a snail crawling across their face grosses them out. But of course gross is in the eye of the beholder, so maybe it’s not a big deal. Beauty demands sacrifices.
Technology has become so magically efficient and powerful that we now have to resort to corny metaphors and groan-worthy puns just to keep people interested. Case in point: this thumb drive in the shape of…you guessed it, a human thumb. But it’s more than just a gag gift - it actually holds 8 gigabytes of data. So if you were trying to decide between this and a clown nose, remember that the clown nose doesn’t really hold anything.
Chances are you know someone that can really light up a room … and we’re not talking about their charismatic smile or doll-faced eyes! Keep those sulfur bombs in check with some iron-clad undies. These fashion-forward undergarments keep the toxic gases under wraps so that friends, family members and innocent strangers with a razor-sharp sense of smell won’t be subjected to senseless, noxious pollution of the lower region. Strap these babies on and let ’er rip!
Their very own Tyrannosaurus skeleton. Enough said. It fits all occasions, and those who disagree can take it up with the dinosaur. Help them earn a reputation as the coolest person in the neighborhood, and when holidays swing around, wrapping it in lights and adding a hat can only earn you Alpha Friend status.
Crack open that old shoebox of Polaroids and add a modern-day twist to those beloved memories. Relive the first days of school, prom night, headgears and little league. Who says you can only live once? These hilarious shots will entertain your parents for hours on end. Just try to keep it clean, for goodness sakes!
Remember those line drawings you made back when you were a few feet shorter? They may have been borderline indecipherable, but your parents sure were impressed. Well, you’ve grown up and now you’ve got the chops to bring them to life. Show your parents how adorably delusional they were about your abilities.
Who knew houseplants could be so thoughtful? If you’re still finding it hard to get those three cherished words out, why not hire a bean to say it for you! This clever seedling will bear the weight of emotional expression and work double time to communicate your devotion and passion with vigor and determination. This momentous occasion calls for some creative cultivation!
Serenade your partner with this set of musical wine glasses and then get completely sloshed. The glasses need to have liquid in them to work, so, what are you going to do, just throw all that wine away? No, instead you will make beautiful music together until all the "inspiration" is gone.
No matter where you stand on other major life issues, one thing is for sure: everything is better with cats. Or maybe just weirder. Anyway, this updated version of the classic board game is purr-fect for anyone who owns or loves cats, and even better for anyone who wishes they were a cat. In the original version of Monopoly, the goal was to collect properties until you became the fattest cat around, bullying people and putting them out of business. Cat-opoly reflects a kinder, gentler world where you simply collect cats, until you’re like one of those people you see on the reality shows.
One problem with our hectic modern lives is that we’re usually nowhere near nature when it calls. Instead, we’re usually in a crowd of strangers, at a public venue with horrible restroom facilities, or stuck in a traffic jam. And having to abide by the rules of social decorum means that women really get the short end of the stick. A simple portable plastic device has changed all that. With the SHEWEE, you’re not only making someone’s life easier — you’re striking a blow for urinary equality.
Everyone who grew up during the golden age of game shows dreamed of one day standing atop the glorious Plinko board, dropping metal biscuits and watching them bounce earthward in the direction of a richer destiny. But since few will ever experience that magnificent moment, we have a smaller, more realistic version for the drinkers of the world. This is Plinko for the people, and we call it Drinko. Because if they can’t end up richer at the end of the day, at least they can end up drunker.
The LICKI brush is proof that everything has already been invented and is for sale on Amazon. Even a cat licking device. There are now no new ideas left. To repeat, LICKI is exactly what it looks like - a soft silicone brush you can hold in your mouth to lick your cat. There's no way your cat, or anyone else, will think this is weird, right?
When you were a kid, chances are you attempted to eat your fare share of non-food objects. And who could blame you? The world does look mighty tasty from down there. Most likely, your parents dealt with the issue by repeatedly pulling items from your mouth and offering a good deal of scolding. But you have to wonder, was that really worth all the effort? Probably, given they didn’t have a choice. Here is a different option: if kids are going to eat their toys, just make them edible. Makes sense to us.
Since the invention of the original legos, kids have only been able to imagine what their creations would be like if they were life-sized. But not anymore. Giant legos make it possible to experience the dream of a world composed of lego buildings, lego furniture, and human sized lego robots. And it’s not only kids that are getting in on the action. Giant legos are used to create temporary offices, modular furniture, interior decor, exhibits and retail displays, and a lot more. Except the adults like to call them “modular blocks” to make it sound more grown up. But we all know they’re giant legos.
Not everyone has had the time, genetics, or inclination to cultivate a big hairy belly. That doesn’t mean they should miss out on the chance to flaunt a big hairy belly. This lifelike bag allows man, woman, or child to experience the glory of dadbod-ness. The adjustable waist belt ensures that this manbelly will stay snug no matter what their size, and the roomy, multi-pocketed inside makes this a very functional man pouch.
Go ahead, throw this in the white elephant gift pile and see if anyone has the balls to steal it. This is the kind of gift that nobody will ever forget, for better or for worse. Its usefulness is overshadowed only by the shamelessness of its name and the absurdity of its marketing - true signs of a product with lasting power. In the context of a normal one-to-one gift giving scenario, you risk having it taken as an insult, but in a white elephant gift exchange, at the very least you’ll get a few laughs, and who knows? You might even open up a whole new world to some lucky soul in need.
Feeling small and insignificant? Looking for that larger than life feeling? Need to jump safely from a great height? Try an inflatable suit. They’re great fun for any occasion, especially for first impressions, and they really make you stand out in a crowd. Inflatable suits are perfect for blind dates, job interviews, concerts or events where personal space may be limited, pushing your way to the front of the line, casual Fridays, motorcycle safety, airplane travel, hiding in pillows, and more.
There are a million ways to humanize our possessions. Adding accessories, giving them names, celebrating with them, unloading our insecurities on them and blaming them for our failures…we certainly do treat them like low-grade people. One of the things some people like to do is make them cute. And what’s cuter than a car with long, luscious supermodel eyelashes? Well, depends who you ask. But chances are you know someone who’s going to melt with joy if you buy these for them. Now if only they would invent some side mirror hoop earrings to complete the look.
Set the mood and get the party started with your favorite bottle of wine and some condoms. We're talking about wine condoms of course. The funniest way to protect against unplanned accidents when you're fully uncorked. While this may seem like a useless novelty it actually does create an airtight and watertight seal on any size bottle, preserving its freshness while creating the types of highly awkward moments that often go along with downing a bottle of wine.
Humans aren’t the only members of the animal kingdom to practice the ancient spiritual and physical art of yoga, and we’ve got the visual propaganda to prove it — in the form of calendars, picture books, statues, coloring books, postcards, and more. And of all the non-human members of the yoga community, cats hold a special place at the front of the movement. Naturally flexible, nimble, self-motivated, and introspective, cats have done much to further the age-old practice of yoga. It’s time we gave them the recognition they deserve.
As your parents get older, they start forgetting things. Good memories start getting pushed out in favor of petty grievances like who forgot to take out the garbage. Enforcing positive memories through some physical, ritualized system like this can sometimes be the only way to keep them from each other’s throats. This kit comes with everything they need to record all the happy things that occur from day to day and collect them in a safe place to be relived again in the future. And it’s so much cheaper than therapy.
Couples that have been together a while have a tendency to let themselves go a bit. Why fight it? Behold the undisputed King of the Gummy Bears. Give your sweetheart this 5 pound calorific treat and watch as they slowly devour him, one body part at a time, in a kind of perverse, reverse Build-A-Bear scenario.
Celebrate America’s favorite Christmas movie all year long with this iconic leg lamp. From the tasseled shade to the fishnet stockings, this lamp screams “I have superior taste”. The lucky person who receives this will surely be inundated with compliments and admiration. Its design is taken straight from the classic movie, and it will undoubtedly conjure up some fond memories for anyone that recognizes this gem. The neighbors will be so jealous.
There are a small but important set of emergencies that can only be rectified with a clown nose. This has been demonstrated time and time again in hospitals rooms across the world. Sadly, there’s no money in clown noses, so big pharma keeps us in the dark.
Progress can be harder to track when you don’t have a boss breathing down your neck anymore. Here is a solution for the retiree who doesn’t want to spend all their time feeding birds. After all, the hardest part of staying busy is coming up with the ideas. But give the old champ a set of challenges, and watch them spring to life with a renewed vigor. All it takes is a little encouragement, and maybe a slight disregard for personal safety.
After a long day at work, they’ll love to come home and fall face-first into the inviting crevices of this butt-shaped head haven. But this is not just a gag gift — this pillow happens to be a great shape to accommodate any sleeping position. With real butt-like tactile qualities, a silky inner lining, and removable yoga pant cover, they’ll look forward to stuffing their face right up in there every night. Soft, comforting, and ergonomical — they’ve never experienced booty sleep like this.
Now that retirement is upon them, they probably talk a lot about the far-flung places they’re going to visit. There are whole continents to be explored, and the other side of the world is just a plane ticket away. Just smile and nod. We all know where they’re going to end up. Just make sure they don’t get lost.
Wine consumption is about much more than just getting drunk. It’s also about tradition and ritual. And as with all rituals, the more complex the better. At least, that’s the idea behind this wonderful, absurd, ingenious contraption. The Eccentric’s Wine Steward Eliminator is an 8-foot tall mechanical sommelier made from 300 precision-cast bronze parts, and it turns the act of uncorking and pouring a bottle of wine into some sort of ridiculously awesome Steampunk / Willy Wonka experience. Whoever owns this insane and fantastic contraption is one large step closer to world dominance.
A rubber chicken purse may not be everyone’s idea of a tasteful accessory. But then again, screw them. Trying to please everyone is a fool’s errand. This unbelievably gorgeous and futuristic purse will instantly set the owner apart from the crowd, for better or for worse. And unlike conventional chicken purses, no animals were harmed in its making, which is why it’s futuristic. Because in the future, everyone is nicer. Pair with other animals like cats or fish for a truly stunning and harmonious look.
It can be hard to get the whole family to sit still for a portrait, but with generational photos you only need to get them to sit still one at a time, which can usually be accomplished with nothing more than subtle threats. Not only is that easier to manage, but with a little Photoshop magic you can turn the raw materials into a graphic representation of one little branch of your family tree. The finished product is like looking down a long hall of mirrors into your genetic history.
Just because they’ve joined the respectable world doesn’t mean they have to leave their backyard college party days behind. These reusable red cups are made of high-quality melamine — a durable plastic compound that looks, feels and performs remarkably like conventional dinnerware materials such as porcelain. These cups, available in a variety of shapes and sizes, bridge the aesthetic gap between high-class living and low-rent debauchery. The perfect gift for that special someone who appreciates the frathouse-chic lifestyle.
Though it is roundly considered bad taste to put socks on your face, no taboo exists against doing the opposite. In fact, rocking a pair of face socks is likely to thrust one several notches up the status meter. It’s one of the most underutilized fashion secrets known to modern man (and modern woman). The ancient books counsel that power and prestige await those who carry the human countenance upon their footwear. These are truly the gateway to greater things.
It’s no secret that many of the world’s greatest patriarchs are also preeminent flatulators. But rarely do we appropriately label or celebrate these kings of cheese cutting. Instead, we merely groan our disapproval or engage in passive-aggressive sabotage against our gaseous persecutors. It’s high time we end this behavior and extend an olive branch of acknowledgement. Here’s to celebrating Father Flatulence, Captain Cut the Cheese, Daddy Dirtblower, Old Man Mudbutt, or whatever distinguished title he carries in your household.
This is the old people version of buying them their own pool cue. Like every game of chance, bingo is ruled by the secret and unfathomable rubric of superstition. Using a borrowed dauber is like spitting in the face of the lottery gods. Not a good idea.
Who hasn’t at one time wished they could swipe a loose hand across the surface of their pillow and reveal the face of Nicolas Cage? Let that person cast the first stone. And it better be a mighty big stone, because the rest of us will be blocking it with one of these handsome plush pillows. Regardless of your judgment of him as a thespian, Mr. Cage brings an unmistakable and unique charisma to the big screen. Now let him bring that same bizarre glory to the bedroom of someone you love.
“Ha ha,” they’ll say, “very funny!” And, as they open this kit containing among other things prune juice, reading glasses, hemorrhoid cream, and comfort soles, they’ll laugh at how they’re not THAT old yet. But they’ll also try on those glasses one day soon, and maybe discover the joys of prune juice. And ponder.
The subtle appeal of the universal wish to reverse the relentless march of time comes in the form of a regular round kitchen clock. But instead of ticking away the seconds in the standard clockwise direction, this clock goes backwards, seeming for a moment to be leading to the idyllic past rather than uncertain future.
An enduring American symbol of freedom and self-determination. Like a bald eagle with wheels. Now that retirement is upon them, the known world is home. All that’s left is to go out and show everyone who owns it, just like they’ve always said they would.
Here's a gift for the older person struggling to keep up with all the latest texting lingo the young whipper-snappers are using. Much of it doesn't really apply to them anyway, unless they were to write something like "ROFL and can't get up" which should really be written ROFLACGU. Here's a set of senior texting codes that will make a whole lot more sense to them, conveniently printed as a cheat sheet on this handy coffee mug. They'll find plenty of useful shortcuts like BTW (bring the wheelchair), BFF (best friend's funeral), and WTFA (wet the furniture again).
Mad Libs are a classic game that's endlessly entertaining to kids. If there are some people on your gift list who are still easily entertained, then the office themed version for adults is sure to take them on a hilarious trip down memory lane, while giving them a chance to vent about topics like who keeps stealing food from the fridge and bad restroom wifi reception. It's a great way to bring people together at work, to waste company time, but together nonetheless.
Model trains have long captivated the attention of children and adult children the world over. And teeny tiny things have their own strange, adorable draw, so it’s about time that someone put the two together and made a teeny tiny train for the unfilled niche that is the intersection of the two. However, here’s a fun fact: the internet actually consists of teeny tiny trains carrying your information at light speed, so that technically makes this the world’s second smallest electric train set…but there’s no point in arguing.
Whether it happens on social media, on the set of a daytime talk show, or in the middle of an intergalactic war, few life events provide the same level of drama as a paternity revelation. And in the history of American culture, Darth Vader’s infamous announcement still trumps them all. Commemorate this landmark moment in modern cinema with a coffee mug that celebrates one of the most famous scenes of all time, and also says to Dad: “I’m glad you’re not him.”
The ultimate college food staple, also ideal for survivalists who want to go out in style. With individually wrapped noodle and cheese powder packets, this is about as imperishable a food item as you’re going to find this side of the Twinkie aisle. And the per-meal price of this gourmet dinner kit is absurdly low, especially for something that literally nobody has ever gotten sick of eating. Mac & cheese is the ultimate blank flavor slate, allowing the lucky food hoarder to create variety by adding in a few hot dogs, frozen vegetables — heck, why not dump in that stray bag of skittles. YOLO.
There are very few authentic Viking activities that are acceptable in modern society. So for the most part, we have to take what we can get. Drinking from a real, ethically harvested Viking-style bull horn drinking vessel is one of those acceptable activities. And drinking from a Viking horn vessel is more than just acceptable — it’s a recognized sign of strength, power, and valor. And in some cases, perhaps mild psychotic tendencies. But nothing society isn’t set up to handle.
When someone drops a bomb with your name on it, the best thing you can do is light a candle with theirs on it. Not to pray for their soul, mind you, but to cleanse the shared airways. And since it’s always best to fight heavy artillery with heavy artillery, you don’t want to settle for any old candle. You want a high quality hand-poured candle with a scent that’s strong enough to fight off that of your antagonist. The perfect gift for anyone who lives with a documented intestinal terrorist.
Aggression sometimes gets a bad name, but the truth is that it’s only dangerous if misdirected. Many things in life should be aggressively pursued, such as happiness, growth, meaning, contribution — all of the warm and fuzzy stuff you see on posters. However, some people also feel the impulse to aggressively pursue verbal confrontation, or worse, opportunities to punch other people’s faces. For these folks, alternative avenues of release are really helpful. Here’s an opportunity to bring one of these alternative avenues to the most stressful environment of all: the workplace.
Musicians and music lovers alike know the value of getting their kids involved in music from an early age. But what about their fur babies? There’s no cat cooler than a DJ cat, and this scratching pad turntable is the purr-fect place to hone their chops.
For many people, using chopsticks is a skill that defies mastery. Like a hopeful Zen master sitting in the forest year after year, trying to hear the sound of one hand clapping, time after time the hapless chopsticker comes up empty. Even after years of dedicated effort, the Hunan style broccoli cascades back to the plate long before it reaches the lips. So once again, The Force comes to the rescue. These are the only chopsticks that carry The Force. At long last, problem solved.
Pizza was not a luxury that the crew of the Starship Enterprise could afford as they cavorted about the known Universe on a mission to understand our own place in the cosmos. This Enterprise-shaped pizza cutter is a fine way to reflect on that profound sacrifice as we eat dinner in the climate controlled confines of our earthly homes. Our society may not have reached its utopian destiny yet, but we’ve sure done a damn fine job of making things taste good.