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In case you ever wondered whether Star Trek was real or not, here’s an authentic relic from the starship’s crew to settle the argument. Detailed information about technology, operations, and so on can be found in these pages. A must for any fan of the show, now they can finally tell people to stick it when they say that Star Trek wasn’t a documentary.

If there’s anything that can make wine taste better, it’s a little frustration. If you think life in our rapid-delivery consumer culture is just a bit too easy, then teach someone a valuable lesson by making them work more than they anticipated for their reward. You’re not only giving the world’s oldest artisan beverage, you’re helping develop life skills.

You burned dinner again and now the smoke detector is wailing. It doesn’t realize that there is no actual emergency, and that you are just a bad cook. Luckily there is this hi-tech cutting edge device to restore tranquility. Dinner on the other hand is probably ruined.

There are a small but important set of emergencies that can only be rectified with a clown nose. This has been demonstrated time and time again in hospitals rooms across the world. Sadly, there’s no money in clown noses, so big pharma keeps us in the dark.

Puns never get old. In case you didn’t catch it, this one makes reference to the common name shared by small digital storage devices and the largest of the human fingers. Actually, there’s another one: “digital” storage device. They just keep coming! This useful gag gift will really knock a computer nerd’s socks off. And if they aren’t wearing any, it’ll knock their feet off.

Gummy bears used to be cute until you knew what was inside of them. Pass the word on with this realistic larger-than-life plastic illustration of the insides of what used to be your favorite candy. Don’t let the candy manufacturers get away with this disgusting ruse any longer.

Normally, the moment someone goes feet up is the appropriate time to stop feeding them wine, but socks with writing on them have a certain authority that is hard to ignore. That’s what makes these so useful: people will definitely listen. And if your feet are already up, you generally can’t fall any farther than you already have. It’s a sort of automatic safety feature.

Animal farts are the most genuine, because they are done without the slightest comic intent. You could even say human farting is a corrupted act, because everyone knows they’ll get a reaction. Help celebrate flatulence in purest form, with all the colors of the rainbow.

Why do the gullible and mentally disturbed get to have all the fun? Sometimes the rest of us want the face of Jesus on our stuff too. With this ingenious sandwich press, nobody has to question whether its a coincidence or not. This is the new face of intelligent design.

Everyone who grew up during the golden age of game shows dreamed of one day standing atop the glorious Plinko board, dropping metal biscuits and watching them bounce earthward in the direction of a richer destiny. But since few will ever experience that magnificent moment, we have a smaller, more realistic version for the drinkers of the world. This is Plinko for the people, and we call it Drinko. Because if they can’t end up richer at the end of the day, at least they can end up drunker.

Slip on these snazzy gloves and go to town with some magical keystrokes that will tantalize the eyes and ears of friends and family. Left your ivory keys at home? No problem! These pantomime-inspired mitts will entertain the littlest of listeners and spark musical curiosity for hours on end. Add in some handmade percussion and a string instrument or two and engage in a little improvisational fun.

These coins allow the coin holder to show exactly what they give for another person’s opinion, feelings, or needs. It’s one thing to offer this information; it’s another thing entirely to have the minted currency to back it up. Help a friend put his money where his lack of empathy is.

For the musician who hates music, or for the kid whose parents you hate, there is the Otamatone, a “musical” instrument that makes the bagpipes seem reasonable. A touch sensitive bar on the neck changes pitch, while the little mouth at the bottom “sings” when squeezed. It all makes perfect sense (in Japan).

Sure, die-hard star wars fans are not always the kind of classy dressers who need a pair of cufflinks, we get it. But the ones that are dapper like that will also know that the greatest line from the greatest Star Wars movie is exactly what you’d want on your writs before being put into carbon freeze.

For some people, there’s just too much positivity in the world. They can feel it everywhere, like a heavy weight dragging them upward - it’s enough to inflate them with a sense of all-encompassing dread. For these people, darkness, negativity, and black humor are like a cool, shady oasis in the desert. They know that traditional fortune cookies are only there to manipulate us into relaxing so that life can blindside us with its evil plans. The world is always laughing in our faces - why should our cookies be any different?

Though it is roundly considered bad taste to put socks on your face, no taboo exists against doing the opposite. In fact, rocking a pair of face socks is likely to thrust one several notches up the status meter. It’s one of the most underutilized fashion secrets known to modern man (and modern woman). The ancient books counsel that power and prestige await those who carry the human countenance upon their footwear. These are truly the gateway to greater things.