Most guests’ bathroom trips come and go without a single data point being collected. This bathroom guest book allows you to gather critical feedback on the finely curated relief/evacuation experience you’ve orchestrated for your visitors. This data gives you the knowledge you need to make the necessary adjustments to the structure, aesthetics, and accessories of your inner sanctum, as well as gain valuable psychological profiling insights on the people who have passed through. Think of it as the Google Analytics for your crapper.
If you’re friends with the crazy cat person, you have to buy them this gift. Make them the envy of all their crazy cat friends with this toilet training kit, which will make litter boxes a thing of the past. It will also make their cat king of all the neighborhood felines, complete with his own throne to sit on.
Gummy bears used to be cute until you knew what was inside of them. Pass the word on with this realistic larger-than-life plastic illustration of the insides of what used to be your favorite candy. Don’t let the candy manufacturers get away with this disgusting ruse any longer.
Somebody had to step up to the plate on this one, because 7-11 has been dropping the ball for decades. On a hot day, we’ve always been forced to choose between beer and a slushy, when what we wanted was both. At the same time. But as any adventurous drinker will tell you, mixing the two has traditionally been a disaster. Leave it to the Japanese to come through with this technological marvel. No longer do we have to suffer the indignity of choosing between cherry, lemonade, and watermelon. Freedom at last.
Everyone who grew up during the golden age of game shows dreamed of one day standing atop the glorious Plinko board, dropping metal biscuits and watching them bounce earthward in the direction of a richer destiny. But since few will ever experience that magnificent moment, we have a smaller, more realistic version for the drinkers of the world. This is Plinko for the people, and we call it Drinko. Because if they can’t end up richer at the end of the day, at least they can end up drunker.
Tagging your local supermarket might seem like a bright idea on a mischievous Friday night, but perhaps you should start with a canine canvas instead. Fido really has no choice but to comply with your graffiti-inspired creations and besides, he’ll bring your artwork to life by adding depth and texture to your compositions. Body paint has claimed a whole new species!
Chances are you’ll never get frisked in this hoodie … unless of course law enforcement wants to pat down some out-of-this-world plush “Chewie” goodness! A must-have for any Star Wars fanatic, this comfy zip-up is rugged, yet cuddly, and will grant the lucky owner instant Wookiee status. For all those drawn to space travel and epic fashion statements, this stellar jacket is light years away from all those earthly sweatshirts. Galactic greatness starts now!
After a long day at work, they’ll love to come home and fall face-first into the inviting crevices of this butt-shaped head haven. But this is not just a gag gift — this pillow happens to be a great shape to accommodate any sleeping position. With real butt-like tactile qualities, a silky inner lining, and removable yoga pant cover, they’ll look forward to stuffing their face right up in there every night. Soft, comforting, and ergonomical — they’ve never experienced booty sleep like this.
Slip on these snazzy gloves and go to town with some magical keystrokes that will tantalize the eyes and ears of friends and family. Left your ivory keys at home? No problem! These pantomime-inspired mitts will entertain the littlest of listeners and spark musical curiosity for hours on end. Add in some handmade percussion and a string instrument or two and engage in a little improvisational fun.
If you’re from the Americas, you may be surprised to find out that common gestures like the middle finger and the “ok” sign don’t travel as well as you might think. You also may (in case you’re not aware) want to be careful about how you scratch your chin while abroad. This is the perfect book for a frequent traveller who wants to know how to communicate all of the insulting, dismissive messages that just can’t be sent with words.
Though it is roundly considered bad taste to put socks on your face, no taboo exists against doing the opposite. In fact, rocking a pair of face socks is likely to thrust one several notches up the status meter. It’s one of the most underutilized fashion secrets known to modern man (and modern woman). The ancient books counsel that power and prestige await those who carry the human countenance upon their footwear. These are truly the gateway to greater things.
You might call your toes “little piggies,” but the truth is that feet are the real workhorses of the human body. And we tend to be pretty merciless toward them for long stretches of the day, so it’s a nice gesture to show them some love when it’s all over with. And healthy feet make a happy human, so you could try giving a foot hammock to the most unlikeable person you know and see if it brightens them up a bit. Or better yet, give it to someone you like. Trust us, they’ll appreciate it.
For the musician who hates music, or for the kid whose parents you hate, there is the Otamatone, a “musical” instrument that makes the bagpipes seem reasonable. A touch sensitive bar on the neck changes pitch, while the little mouth at the bottom “sings” when squeezed. It all makes perfect sense (in Japan).
For those that like a challenge, this wall clock’s hands run counterclockwise, which makes telling time a real chore. We suggest secretly replacing a friend’s regular clock with the backwards version just to see how long it takes for them to notice this lovely gift. If only it could turn back time for real.
Puns never get old. In case you didn’t catch it, this one makes reference to the common name shared by small digital storage devices and the largest of the human fingers. Actually, there’s another one: “digital” storage device. They just keep coming! This useful gag gift will really knock a computer nerd’s socks off. And if they aren’t wearing any, it’ll knock their feet off.
This is not your grandfather’s Kit Cat Clock, but it is, ironically the size of a grandfather clock. The modern classic gets a big size upgrade, but the iconic smile, rolling eyes, and swinging tail are all still here. You’re going to love this giant kitty.
Is this sexy loungewear or what?! Sci-fi doesn’t just have to live on the big screen … galactic space fashion has invaded the cozy world of terry cloth and no closet should be without it. Stylish and futuristic, this fitting nod to the Star Wars empire should be an essential piece in every superfan’s closet. Give the tired robe look a visionary facelift with this droid-lover’s keepsake … the starship is waiting!
For those who love showing off their undergarments every chance they get, these snug gloves are the perfect fit! A quirky blend of sexy and juvenile, these novelty undie mitts exude confidence and witty playfulness. Who says briefs were only intended to hug the jewels of the lower region? Form-fitting handwear is freakishly hot. Tidy or soiled, these tighty-whities are the perfect prank for friends and foes alike.
Surprise that adventurous foodie on your gift list with some airbrushed enhancement. Dinner party guests will be raving about their meal as they throw down ordinary fare disguised with brilliant hues and metallic glaze. There’s no need for floral centerpieces or fancy place cards when the food alone adds just the right splash of colorful decoration. The latest in gourmet graffiti, these festive paints make everyday meals extraordinary!
You burned dinner again and now the smoke detector is wailing. It doesn’t realize that there is no actual emergency, and that you are just a bad cook. Luckily there is this hi-tech cutting edge device to restore tranquility. Dinner on the other hand is probably ruined.
Why not reward the passive-aggressive person in your life with a playful beast that best personifies the light and dark sides of their personality? Raw emotional expression can be quite therapeutic and these cuddly critters are particularly gifted when it comes to delivering love and horror with just one forcible squeeze. Lifeless teddy bears are dreadfully dull and possibly creepier than these cheeky creatures. This badass gift is sure to raise the shock factor at the next occasion!
For some people, there’s just too much positivity in the world. They can feel it everywhere, like a heavy weight dragging them upward - it’s enough to inflate them with a sense of all-encompassing dread. For these people, darkness, negativity, and black humor are like a cool, shady oasis in the desert. They know that traditional fortune cookies are only there to manipulate us into relaxing so that life can blindside us with its evil plans. The world is always laughing in our faces - why should our cookies be any different?
We have long maintained that the only reason people think eating bugs is gross is because society is uptight about it. They taste fine! They are eco-friendly! The have lots of protein! Birds eat them, right? You think you’re better than a bird? You can’t even fly! Try them, we triple dog dare ya!
Goodie bags aren’t just for the under-12 crowd. Splurge on a few golden-years essentials for that special someone who’s embarking on a new, more mature phase in life. The silver-haired set deserves a little fun-loving TLC that will remind them of all the joys (and pains) that go along with lasting sixty-plus years on the planet. With a wealth of over-the-counter paraphernalia to choose from, this treasure trove of ointments, elixirs, enhancers and upgrades will convince them of just how precious they are.
Card games are a staple of the drunken party scene for a reason. They help break the ice and give people something to do through those long awkward moments early in the night when everyone is still mostly sober. They also keep those same people occupied and out of mischief later on when their inhibitions have been loosened up and they start getting ideas. Best of all, this game is simple and straightforward enough to keep anyone entertained for hours in between shots.
This is the old people version of buying them their own pool cue. Like every game of chance, bingo is ruled by the secret and unfathomable rubric of superstition. Using a borrowed dauber is like spitting in the face of the lottery gods. Not a good idea.
The absolute coolest gag gift ever, these incredible rhythm sensors will transform any air jam session into a full-on solo percussion performance. Friends and bandmates will be amazed by your skills as they join in with their own bodily sounds. Whatever the tempo, turn that thigh drumming, chest pumping and toe tapping into some recordable beats that will get any party jumping in no time flat!
Welcome to the high rollers club! This hefty wad of Benjamins is the ultimate gift for the money-hungry players on your list. Talk about immediate gratification … Enclose a pair of dark aviators, a squirt of hair gel and some ’tude to match and the lucky recipient will feel like they’ve won the cash kitty. Just advise them to proceed with caution though—that counterfeit bulge in their pocket might give them a renewed sense of confidence, but any careless misstep could land them on the FBI’s most wanted poster!
The days of stooping in the bushes are over! Leave the woods to the creatures of the night and deposit your bodily waste where it rightfully belongs. This personalized port-a-potty system provides the privacy and peace of mind that every man, woman and child deserve. Who knew ponchos could transform the world of personal hygiene? This life-saving gift is a dignified approach to toileting that will help preserve wildlife for generations to come. Say hello to elimination freedom!
Perfect for lazy Sunday mornings on the bridge, these Original Show style bathrobes come in gold, blue, or red, and feature an embroidered insignia above the left breast and rank stripes on the arms. Drink coffee and explore the quadrant in these 100% cotton or microfleece ultra-casual uniforms.
When he’s not whipping up beats and ghetto-smooth flows, it turns out Snoop Dogg is busy whipping up tuna casseroles and birthday cakes. Who would have thought? But then again, given his chosen pastimes, it’s a good bet that he’s hungry more often than the average human. A holy fusion of soul food, classic dinner dishes, and Cap’n Crunch, there’s something for everyone in these pages. Time to get down on some dogg food.
The ultimate college food staple, also ideal for survivalists who want to go out in style. With individually wrapped noodle and cheese powder packets, this is about as imperishable a food item as you’re going to find this side of the Twinkie aisle. And the per-meal price of this gourmet dinner kit is absurdly low, especially for something that literally nobody has ever gotten sick of eating. Mac & cheese is the ultimate blank flavor slate, allowing the lucky food hoarder to create variety by adding in a few hot dogs, frozen vegetables — heck, why not dump in that stray bag of skittles. YOLO.