101 Things NOT Everyone Should Know How to Do
Because knowledge is power, and (as someone very wise once said), with great power comes great responsibility – and most people under 50 are trying to avoid responsibility at all costs! But now, on this milestone birthday, they’re finally ready (either that, or they’re in trouble and need to know how to beat a lie detector test!)
By their 50th birthday, they’ve probably managed to acquire some decent jewelry. Maybe not a lot, but some, and good enough that they want to keep it clean and nice. So instead of giving them another gold bracelet, perhaps this Jewelry Steam Cleaner would be a prudent gift.
Okay, so they can’t really tell anybody when they’re going to die. But they can measure cell aging based on things you’ve probably never heard of and don’t need to know about. A vital new way to measure health and lifestyle-related longevity. Much more reliable than that palm reader at the state fair.
This doesn’t have to be awkward. Yes, you are giving someone, as a 50th birthday gift, something they will use for pooping. It’s OK. Then someday you’ll say, “Hey, you, uh, you ever use that Squatty Potty?” They’ll look horrified for a half a second, but then they’ll crack a quick smile and say, “Yeah, actually. It’s great. Thanks.” Then you never speak of it again.
Sure, they could just make the same list on their smartphone, and never print it. Or they could use a pen. But people turning fifty have been wanting a Voice Activated Grocery List Maker since they saw that article about life in the 21st century 40+ years ago, and, goshdarnit, they should get one.
By the time a person gets to fifty, they’ve probably experienced at least a few health problems and injuries. But now they’re getting older, these will start to multiply. They’ll need to be afraid. Very afraid. Their only chance is to keep this book with them, like a talisman, and consult it constantly.
Don’t say bucket list. Don’t say “while you still can” when making the plans. This is supposed to be fun, not somber. Just plan a trip, somewhere you know they’ve always wanted to go and never had the chance. Make it happen. Have a wonderful time. And do it again and again.
Whether it’s Charlotte’s Web, Hamlet or Harry Potter, a first edition of their favorite book is sure to top the gifting charts. In the past, you’d scour bookshops, eventually stumbling across a kindly old bookseller, who’d take pity on your plight, and climb a rickety ladder, to dust off a long-lost volume... nowadays, we have the Internet.
Older people sometimes get a little freaked out about technology they don’t understand, so give them some peace of mind with this card that blocks remote RFID readers from stealing their credit cards. And buy one for yourself, too, because this threat is actually real.