Book of the Month Club
In a couple of generations, nobody’s even going to know what the hell a book is. Have you seen a teenager try to figure out how to use one of their parents’ audio cassettes? But for those of us in the know, books are the real source of pure knowledge and wisdom, untainted by the runoff of digital culture. Like a cold, clear mountain stream, but with words.
Let’s be real: financial advisors are really there to take your money. Behind that smarmy smile and questionably tailored suit is a walking, breathing, organic pile of self-interest. It’s about time someone dished on what truly makes retirement rewarding. This kind of advice is what they’ve really been waiting for.
Give the gift of fat stacks of cash with this genuine bundle of real fake US currency. This prop money looks good enough to fool even the most discerning filmgoer, and makes a fun gift for a retiree who is about to discover life on a fixed income.
Some people just can’t sit still. That makes retirement a little dicey, and can lead to some bad decisions. Keep them occupied with a new skill to learn every month, curated by people who know how to keep the old folks out of trouble. Kind of like remote babysitters.
Here are two things we know about old retired men: 1) They like to play golf. 2) They have to pee a lot more often than younger folk. The golf club urinal solves the second thing so they can focus on the first. It even comes with a towel so nobody gets arrested.
Work may have been a strain on their marriage, a major source of emotional stress, and a general pain in the ass, but at least it gave them a reason to get out of the house for all those years. The great thing about museums is that it’s one of those places you can wander around and stare at things without being asked to leave. They’re going to need more places like that.
Turn a retirement party into a college drinking game with Never Have I Ever. Find out everything they didn’t have time to do while working all those years, and get hammered while doing it. Hangovers aren’t half as bad when there’s no work to go to in the morning.
They worked damn hard for this part of their life, and they deserve some free stuff. Or, if not free, at least cheap. This is like the cool kids club for old people, except everyone can get in if they pay the dues. There’s no reason they can’t go on living in style.
The ice treatment isn’t just for dead people anymore. Besides, we think gifts for dead people are creepy - that’s why you won’t find a “gifts for dead people” category on this site. But it turns out that freezing living people is really good for them, boosting immunity, alleviating aches and pains, and so on. The coolest retirement gift you’ll ever find.