Air Conditioned Shirt
Complaining about how hot it is in the office is for losers. “Adapt and survive” has been the motto of our race, and this is the next great leap in human evolution. No more does the recipient of this amazing piece of engineering need to rely on the outside world to ensure their comfort. This future is here, and man is it cool.
Subtlety is not a quality that is often attributed to remarkable butts. From Brazilian calendar models to Dave in HR (in whose wake no sane person walks), the human posterior tends to grab attention forcefully, or not at all. A small company with a social conscience is looking to change that. Enter Subtle Butt, the fashion accessory you wish everyone else had.
Every once in a while, even the most accomplished chef needs to shake it up. People make way too many decisions throughout the day as it is; sometimes they need someone else to make a big one for them, like what to stuff down their throats. And rest assured, the responsible souls who crafted these dice filled them with things you wouldn’t mind filling yourself with.
The worst thing about this gift is the disillusionment. Like planting a hidden camera on a magician, you just won’t care to watch the show once the secret has been revealed. This small box of simple tools is all anyone will ever need to get out of any dangerous predicament they might find themselves in. But go ahead and give this to someone you care about. Survival always trumps entertainment.
We like to think of chickens in two categories: free-roaming farm animals, and dinner. But the truth is that nothing is stopping you (or one of your crafty co-workers) from domesticating and civilizing this iconic barnyard fowl. In fact, for someone seeking a pet with that “huh?” factor - the one that is sure to turn heads - the chicken makes a fine choice indeed. The only thing stopping them is the question of how they’ll walk it. Petco may not carry chicken harnesses, but fortunately for one of the people in your white elephant exchange, Amazon sure does.
We’ve come a long way from the prehistoric custom of drinking warm beer. Now all of mankind’s greatest inventions have been combined into one neat package. This vehicle will be the envy of all who lay eyes on it, a motorized testament to mankind’s greatest accomplishments.
These days, it’s not just water contaminants and government spies that you need to keep your family safe from. Now the aliens have come for us, and in case you haven’t noticed, we’re being harvested like walking vegetables. A high-tech UFO detector has become a must-have for every modern home.
A certain percentage of the population has a strong obsession with animal butts. Most of them are under 10 years old - the ones who aren’t end up making thinks like this for a living. Go on, admit that you want to pull a tissue out of this cat’s butt. No one’s going to care. As long as you’re only pulling things out of the rectums of figurines and other likenesses, there’s no problem. Watching the recipient’s reaction to this gift at your white elephant exchange can probably tell you a lot about them…we’re just not sure what.
You might be wondering why we need another liquid metal to play with. Well, sometimes people lose their mercury, and then they get bored because they have to play with stuffed animals instead. Just make sure you don’t spill this on your car (see video).