Airplane Cocktail Kit
Help a departing loved one drown their sorrows in a potent cocktail at high altitudes. Saying goodbye is never easy and not knowing what the future might bring can be terrifying and anxiety producing. Soak those feelings in some heavy liquor and watch the tension and fear just melt away. They’ll be spreading their wings like a seasoned vagabond in no time flat and by the time they roll into the airport gate, they’ll be good as gold. Buckle up and enjoy the ride!
This is the lazy man’s rosetta stone. Learning is difficult, and fortunately unnecessary as long as someone else is willing to come up with clever ideas like this. If they ever find themselves overseas and looking for something that’s not on this shirt, they might want to reevaluate what they’re asking for.
If they’re moving from one region of the country to another, half of their wardrobe may become pretty useless. Those tank tops and swimsuits were perfect for Florida weather, but not so much for Wisconsin. Get them some new threads that will be more appropriate for their new environment so they’ll be a little less like a fish out of water.
Is your going-away gift budget topping out at $5 … including taxes? Fear not—this handy-dandy idea is a homerun for the less-than-crafty set. Just raid your parents’, grandparents’ or your own trunk for something called an “atlas.” (A local map once used for scouting yard sales will also work.) Grab your toddler’s scissors or some comparable shears to cut out an accurate shape of the state. Then pull out those five big ones and purchase a simple frame to house your creation. Voilà!
Many people, when faced with new surroundings, forget to eat and end up perishing from malnourishment. This is a leading cause of death among travelers and those who have recently moved. A gift card at a great restaurant not only reminds them of the paramount importance of calorie ingestion, but even pays for some of it.
These candles are formulated to smell like your home state. Good thing nobody told them that when you’re home all you really smell is burned turkey and your brother-in-law’s beer farts. This is more like the idealized version of your home smell, the kind of false memory someone wants to take with them when they leave.
If you really want to make an authentic product, get out that Members Only jacket, don some vintage Walkman headphones and pretend you have some really cool parachute pants on—this going-away compilation is going to be off the charts! Come up with a wicked awesome name for your retro mix … something along the lines of “Bitchin’ Bon Voyage Bonus Mix Tape!” and remember to give proper credit to the artists. Upload the magic to that righteous thumb drive and you’ve got a gift that’s totally tubular, Dude!
After the stressful experience of packing up all their belongings and leaving their home, they will no doubt need to unwind and decompress. Encourage them to put the moving boxes down and immerse themselves in their new community. Do a little research and find an event in their new town and get them a couple tickets. Remember, it may be hard to see them go, but it’s even harder for them to adjust to these changes.
Treat that special someone to a night of unbridled fun and mildly sinful exploits. Give those screaming bachelorette partygoers a run for their money and don’t head home until you spot a few ladies of the night. This final outing has got to break some records and brand a few amazing memories onto their brain before fleeing the scene of the crime and trading in this life for another more exciting undertaking. Pack a few party favors for the crew as well as a reliable, fully charged device to document the evening. Break-a-dawn, baby!