Business Guru Autobiography
There’s no better way to spend your last few minutes before bedtime than reading about someone who’s smarter, more successful, and far more innovative than yourself. Inspiration, they call it. Give your boss the gift of understanding what they don’t understand.
Kissing butt and making coffee is no longer enough to make it to the top. With desperate millennials flooding the marketplace, ready to do whatever it takes in order to move out of their parents’ basements, the stakes are higher than ever. But don’t give up just yet. The problem simply requires a little more directness. Use the psychological principle of consistency to get into your boss’ good graces. Once they put this shirt on, they’ll feel compelled to act as if it’s true. Victory is yours.
If you can’t contribute to your boss’ mental health and stability, you can at least contribute a substance that makes mental health and stability feel irrelevant for a little while. And of all those substances, wine is the most socially acceptable and has the richest history. These labels allow you to put your gift in the proper context, and carry a tacit apology wrapped in disarming humor. Even if they don’t forgive you, they’ll at least know you understand what you’ve done.
Some bosses are old school - they like to do things they way they’ve always done them - with pen and paper. For those who have yet to embrace to advantages of the digital world, an electronic notepad will at least eliminate the paper. They can still use the stylus to scribble notes that no one else can read, but at least there’s an electronic copy now.
If they're the type that's always scribbling notes, then they're the type that has a pile of them forgotten on their desk. Help get things organized with this bluetooth pen that saves a digital copy of everything they write.
So much of golf is a guessing game. They have to estimate the wind, take calculated risks to avoid water and sand hazards, and pace their beer consumption appropriately. A laser range finder at least takes club choice out of the equation. It’s also waterproof, which is great for those times when they feel like hurling it into a creek in a fit of rage. Armed with tools like these, it’s only a matter of time before they take the pro tour by storm.
Give your boss an excuse for his all-too-noticeable whiskey breath, and you might just save both of your jobs. Then maybe next Christmas you can provide a useful excuse for his erratic behavior, and he’ll love you like his own child. Never forget, there’s a beautiful solution to every problem.
The course may be far away, but it’s never far away from your boss’ heart and mind. Now you can put the tools of the trade at their fingertips with a set of golf pens. Score a hole in one for your career.
Inside every high achiever is a bored, distracted child just waiting to pop out like a jack-in-the-box as soon as it sees an opportunity. One of the hidden benefits of the corner office is the privacy that allows the occupier of that office to play with whatever they want while the door is closed. A golden slinky carries the right amount of gravitas for a man or woman of power, and it’s far from the most embarrassing thing they could be caught playing with if someone opens the door unexpectedly.