The internet is nothing if not a big money making machine. Put that machine in the service of buying something you would never pony up for yourself. We promise you’ll still get most of the credit.
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Encase your parents in crystal for all eternity, as a hologram that is. A unique monument to their ever-lasting love, this futuristic portrait is surely going on the mantle or the dashboard of their spaceship.
When you’ve been with someone for long enough, the days sure do start to blend together. Sometimes you need a stark visual reminder of just how much damn time you’ve spent with each other. It’s also a great way to prove that married couples start to look more alike when they get old.
When the dust bunnies have started to form into felt snowballs, the stovetop still has remnants of last year’s Bolognese sauce and that stubborn ring just won’t budge from the toilet bowl, it’s time to call in the big guns. Gift your parents with the citrus scents of clean and let the housekeeping professionals restore shine and hygiene to the Mom and Dad cave.
When that rich jerk down the street buys a new Porche, you’ve got a choice to make. You could respond in kind by getting next year’s model and parking it right in front of his house so he has to look at it all day, or you could choose a more tasteful display of your accomplishments like this family milestones wall art. Buy this for your parents so they don’t become the jerks down the street.
Flowers are a lovely gift but for an anniversary, we’re not sure how they’d feel about something that will inevitably wilt and die. So, for fans of the floral, surprise them with this crystal rose which will be in bloom forever, much like their love for one another, even after all these years.
The days of global discovery may be long past, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t commemorate your own unique journeys to near and distant lands! Pepper this personalized map with all the cherished memories of life’s travels and let the storytelling begin. Younger generations will feel inspired by the many tales of adventure dotting the map. Retrace every special voyage and don’t forget to drop that special pin for where you call HOME!
We all like to think we’re larger than life, but in truth we’re really just branches on the grand tree of our ancestry. Screw that, most of us are just leaves at best. Some of us are maybe just a little speck of caterpillar vomit on one of those leaves (you know who you are). Your family tree doesn’t have to be that detailed though.
Move over bronze bust, it’s time for the age of the bobblehead! Nothing beats a personalized gift that’s whimsical and can entertain both the young and old alike. This timeless memento is the perfect expression of fun-loving adoration for the young at heart. A cure for the rainy-day blues that will lighten the mood and remind us all that life is good.
There are few things that will enrage a high-level cook more than preparing all of the ingredients for a 5-star meal, only to find that the cilantro, parsley, or basil has degraded into a brown, slimy mess. More than a few unsolved murders have likely resulted. And what’s worse, some of that rotten herbage probably gets tossed into the recipe anyway, and some of that food probably gets served to you. Are you starting to see why you should buy one of these for your friends and family?
Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.
The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.
They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.
One of the biggest problems with being in public is there are so many things you’re either required or tempted to touch. Door handles, ATM touchscreens, animals, garbage…the list is practically endless. And it’s all contaminated with a never-ending litany of biological hazards and impurities. Germs, chemicals, and various bodily fluids are liberally smeared upon all the surfaces of our civilization. This keychain multitool is the gift from the gods of hygiene we’ve all been waiting for.
A virtual cooking class with Gordon Ramsay is a chance to learn from a culinary master without the yelling and food punching you've seen on TV. His MasterClass lessons feature the seven-star Michelin chef in his home kitchen teaching everything from kitchen setup, buying ingredients, prepping, plating, and pairing restaurant quality recipes that wow guests. Crispy duck with red endive and spinach anyone?
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
