Custom Printed Birthday Book
If their memory of past events is starting to get a little hazy (hey, some of them happened half a century ago), give them this thoughtful birthday book as a reminder. Best of all, you get to choose the photographs – remember that ‘hilarious’ yearbook picture, questionable fashion choice, or The Year of The Perm? They will now!
This doesn’t have to be awkward. Yes, you are giving someone, as a 50th birthday gift, something they will use for pooping. It’s OK. Then someday you’ll say, “Hey, you, uh, you ever use that Squatty Potty?” They’ll look horrified for a half a second, but then they’ll crack a quick smile and say, “Yeah, actually. It’s great. Thanks.” Then you never speak of it again.
The 50th birthday is probably the last time you can get away with “over the hill” jokes. From here on in, these kinds of jokes will sound more like observations. Take advantage of your last chance to pick on the old guy by putting together a basket of embarrassing senior citizen’s products like prune juice, orthopedic shoe inserts, hemorrhoid cream, Metamucil, Depends diapers, Beano, and reading glasses.
Don’t say bucket list. Don’t say “while you still can” when making the plans. This is supposed to be fun, not somber. Just plan a trip, somewhere you know they’ve always wanted to go and never had the chance. Make it happen. Have a wonderful time. And do it again and again.
What hard working person has not at one time wished for a warm-blooded giant to place his hands on their shoulders and ease their weary muscles? That was the inspiration behind this cordless neck and shoulder heat wrap. Aches and pains simply melt away under its heavenly influence, and with a maximum temperature of 120 degrees, it reaches the really deep muscles that no giant can soothe without inflicting skeletal injury.
Sure, they could just make the same list on their smartphone, and never print it. Or they could use a pen. But people turning fifty have been wanting a Voice Activated Grocery List Maker since they saw that article about life in the 21st century 40+ years ago, and, goshdarnit, they should get one.
Get started on that Bucket List while there’s time and health to finish it by writing everything on special tags and storing them in an actual bucket. Then pick an adventure whenever life permits. There’s so much to do and look forward to doing! Get to work on it!
This is the real stuff. You don’t start off drinking 50 year old whisky. No, you buy the cheap stuff, then maybe the fancier stuff, and once in a while the good stuff comes your way. But a liquor that’s aged for 50 years, like a human, is on a whole other level. This has to be earned by living.
Okay, so they can’t really tell anybody when they’re going to die. But they can measure cell aging based on things you’ve probably never heard of and don’t need to know about. A vital new way to measure health and lifestyle-related longevity. Much more reliable than that palm reader at the state fair.