Dictionary of Office Bullshit
We all know who this one is for. Every single office has one. And in most cases they’re so much alike that you might think they’re clones of the same alien from planet Annoying. But have some sympathy: in many cases, people are genuinely unaware that they’ve been spewing meaningless phrases for years. They’re just repeating things they picked up from bad Shark Tank pitches. This is a rather kind, discreet way of saying it’s time to cut the BS.
For the ultimate clock watcher, this stylish desk accessory is a fantastic way to count down the minutes left at work, hours left in the day, days left in the year, and years left before the sweet release of retirement, and that new life in the Bahamas. Or days spent pottering around the local garden center and shouting indignantly at daytime television.
You might call your toes “little piggies,” but the truth is that feet are the real workhorses of the human body. And we tend to be pretty merciless toward them for long stretches of the day, so it’s a nice gesture to show them some love when it’s all over with. And healthy feet make a happy human, so you could try giving a foot hammock to the most unlikeable person you know and see if it brightens them up a bit. Or better yet, give it to someone you like. Trust us, they’ll appreciate it.
Are you changing jobs soon and want to leave behind a legacy of disorder and cascading revenge? Give this book to the person at the office you hate least and let them unleash a reign of terror and annoyance. A perfect bridge burner.
Show them who’s boss...but not too obviously, of course. Wreak passive-aggressive havoc with this walk-by game board. Settle disagreements, prove them wrong, and earn bragging rights, all without even saying a word...but no cheating!
Help your coworkers escape the stressors of the real world by venturing into the virtual land of, well, whatever some demented programmer came up with. Virtual reality applications are expanding all the time into areas no one ever thought of, and pretty soon everyone is going to want one of these. These VR headsets have come down in price a lot since they were introduced, making them an affordable gift that's out of this world.
People get pretty picky about their hot sauces, which probably sounds weird if you’re not a spice-lover yourself. But it’s true – and blending their own would be like Chili Pepper Nirvana. Just be careful at the next office potluck… that’s some next-level sauce and they’re going to promise “oh, it’s not that hot.”
Like the commissioned public statues of old, the most revered among us are now immortalized in bobblehead form. In fact, being commemorated with a bobblehead is one of the highest honors that a modern man or woman can aspire to. Surely you know someone who is worthy of such a gift, whose contributions to society and their fellow travelers makes this an appropriate gesture of respect and admiration. Go ahead, place them among the great figures of history. They’ve earned it.
Be that guy. Use these time-tested techniques to appear smarter in meetings - without even trying! Topics include “how to nod and pace” and “what to do with your face.” This fabulously snarky book is sure to appeal to those who are familiar with the corporate drudgery of relentless, inane meetings.