Corporate life is not about achievement or progress, it’s about survival. Everyone in the office tribe knows this but few will admit it. With a few strokes of the pen, an artist has rendered that common feeling of treading water with feigned composure that all cubicle slaves feel as soon as they enter the dungeon. Remind them that you’re all in on the game with this humorous and poignant paper pad.
This compact keyboard pairs with a smartphone or tablet via Bluetooth and folds in half for easy portability. Small enough to take along in a coat pocket or purse, the keyboard is ideal for composing lengthy e-mails or word documents that would become tiresome using a device’s tiny onscreen keyboard. The 50 keys are arrayed in the familiar QWERTY layout for comfortable typing and the keyboard charges via USB.
Science has finally proven that you are in fact better off viewing the world through rose-colored glasses. Or, if not rose-colored, at least blue-blocking. These glasses work hard to prevent blue light from reaching the wearer’s tender brain cells, where it wreaks all manner of chemical and neurological havoc. Shielding the eyes from the harmful effects of blue light from computers, televisions, and the like is known to provide calming, sleep-enhancing, and mood-boosting benefits, among others.
You might call your toes “little piggies,” but the truth is that feet are the real workhorses of the human body. And we tend to be pretty merciless toward them for long stretches of the day, so it’s a nice gesture to show them some love when it’s all over with. And healthy feet make a happy human, so you could try giving a foot hammock to the most unlikeable person you know and see if it brightens them up a bit. Or better yet, give it to someone you like. Trust us, they’ll appreciate it.
One of the biggest problems with being in public is there are so many things you’re either required or tempted to touch. Door handles, ATM touchscreens, animals, garbage…the list is practically endless. And it’s all contaminated with a never-ending litany of biological hazards and impurities. Germs, chemicals, and various bodily fluids are liberally smeared upon all the surfaces of our civilization. This keychain multitool is the gift from the gods of hygiene we’ve all been waiting for.
Remember what life was like before the internet? When a peeping tom had to grab his binoculars and hide in the bushes or climb up a tree to get a good look into your private life? Now any aspiring voyeur doesn’t even need to be fit enough to leave the couch — much less climb the 30-foot elm in your front yard. All they need to do is find a digital backdoor to your webcam. Which means the creep game is now open to a whole new league of players. This is how you keep them off your field.
Modular furniture is worth its weight in gold for anyone who lives in a small space. Also, playing around with configurable stuff like this is fun because it’s sort of like experiencing your childhood dream of living in a Lego world. Except this is better because you won’t accidentally swallow it and end up in the emergency room. The easy lock-and-unlock design, corner-friendly configurability, and variety of storage options make it perfect for any desk slave who needs to declutter their work area while keeping the various tools of the trade close at hand.
We all know who this one is for. Every single office has one. And in most cases they’re so much alike that you might think they’re clones of the same alien from planet Annoying. But have some sympathy: in many cases, people are genuinely unaware that they’ve been spewing meaningless phrases for years. They’re just repeating things they picked up from bad Shark Tank pitches. This is a rather kind, discreet way of saying it’s time to cut the BS.
Sometimes it really isn’t our fault. And when those times come, you don’t want to be caught off guard, with no alibi and no excuse. Unfortunately, not everyone is good at thinking on their feet, so they end up taking the brunt of the blame when a more clever person would be able to weasel out of the same tight space with a minimum of effort. If you have a coworker who tends to go off the rails when no one’s looking, you might as well equip them with the excuse you know they’re going to need over and over again.
Oh no, you didn’t. You bet your voodoo doll we did! It’s time to release those pent-up thoughts and feelings of frustration that are clogging your mind so you can achieve clarity at work. Not only is it healthy to project your angst onto an inanimate object, but it’s extremely entertaining! Let go of what’s bogging you down and play a little. Dabble in the dark side and clear the air at work. You might be surprised at the results!
The condition of your physical space often says a lot about the state of your life in general. So if your computer desk or entertainment center is a snake den of twisted cords, you may be giving the outside world a window into the chaotic swirl going on inside your head. And that’s the kind of information that one is better keeping to oneself, lest people begin to make negative assumptions. A package of handy, affordable cord organizers like these are a great way to subtly suggest to a loved one that they get their s#*t together — or at least make it look like they already have.
The world is full of more grimy, disgusting, and dangerous debris than most people are aware of, and some of it is all over your fingers. Thankfully, someone has created a spectacular solution (that looks and feels an awful lot like silly putty) to help remove those disgusting substances from everyday surfaces before they have a chance to get all over someone you love and and ruin their life. A great, long lasting, and highly reusable gift for anyone who touches things all day and doesn’t want to be gross.
Lottery tickets are a great gift you can pick up at your local convenience store, that come with a serious upside. If they win big you may get a piece of the action. Lottery tickets are often things that people won't buy for themselves, believing that they never win anything, but who could help but get their hopes up when you present them with a dozen chances to strike it rich and travel the world in a super yacht?
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Many trying situations call for the deployment of a nice chunk of whoop-ass, yet people who find themselves in such situations rarely have a fresh can handy. We urge you to buy these cans in bulk and give them to everyone you care about - you can rest assured they will be put to good use. Give one to someone for one of those times when their back is against the wall, the boss is breathing down their neck, they can’t catch a break, and all the other clichés are bearing down on them at the same time. Pop this baby open - it’s like a cheat code for real life.
In a world where deadlines are king, why not focus on a finish line that’s really worth celebrating? Retirement! They'll keep their eye on the prize with this optimistic ticker that will drive them to accomplish bigger and better things at work. Imagine the sweet silence of no alarm in the wee hours of the morning. Retirement will feel like it’s always right around the corner.
Explaining to people why they suck gets very, very tiring. Luckily, two inspired authors did all the work for us. All the reader has to do is tear out the pages and deliver them to the appropriate assholes. If only all justice was this easy.
Fed up of hearing from your colleague that they’re definitely going to the gym after work today, for reals this time? Give them the gift of an under-desk work-out machine and let them mindlessly pedal their way to fitness – with the added hilarity that they’ll look like a duck treading water, with their feet pedaling frantically under the surface.
Someone went and leveled up the fish bowl. This is the perfect gift for that big-picture thinker who digs sustainability and balance. Also for anyone who wants a pet they don’t have to take care of. The organisms in this eco-sphere take care of each other, maintaining perfect aquatic harmony. Go ahead, write a poem about it.
Effective communication is vital for a company’s culture to thrive in the long run. But there are so many obstacles that can get in the way of this on a day-to-day basis. Specifically, not everyone has the emotional intelligence not to drive everyone around them up the wall. One option is to train all of your employees in the art of interpersonal communication, but that’s expensive and really, some of them still won’t get it. On the other hand, everyone understands pictures of dog faces.
Sometimes it seems there is not enough caffeine in the entire world to get through the rest of the day. Now you can let your coworker test that hypothesis with the world’s largest coffee cup. Perfect for those who have left moderation far behind. Defibrillator not included.
The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.
Sure, you can’t change your boss’ inane, absurd, vomit-inducing pathological obsession with overused cliches that they wear like a extra layer of skin to cover up the embarrassing fact that they don’t have anything to say and secretly fear that they’re incompetent (don’t tell them we said any of that). But you sure can share that forbidden understanding with a coworker who will know exactly what you’re getting at. Let the therapy begin.
Transport them to a tropical land where soft sand cushions their overworked feet and salty air tickles their senses. Feel the warm breeze caress the cheek and listen to the gentle waves lapping along the shoreline. Achieve calmness, serenity and purpose inside the confines of the office cubicle. Frolic in the sand and let the stress of work float away.
For the coffee and donut addicts of the world, it’s hard to believe that anything could improve this heavenly pairing. But that will make it all the more mind-blowing when they realize you have indeed given them something that will take the experience to another level. This truly ingenious piece of kitchen/office-ware provides the perfect platform on which the two elements meet to create the true breakfast of champions. Because if you’re going to do it, you might as well do it right.
Aggression sometimes gets a bad name, but the truth is that it’s only dangerous if misdirected. Many things in life should be aggressively pursued, such as happiness, growth, meaning, contribution — all of the warm and fuzzy stuff you see on posters. However, some people also feel the impulse to aggressively pursue verbal confrontation, or worse, opportunities to punch other people’s faces. For these folks, alternative avenues of release are really helpful. Here’s an opportunity to bring one of these alternative avenues to the most stressful environment of all: the workplace.
Ostriches can be terrifying beasts, especially when tired – and who can blame them, wouldn’t you be bad-tempered if you had wings but couldn’t fly? For your friend who really shouldn't miss their nap, this light and sound cancelling pillow will make sure they emerge fresh and amiable, unlike the ill-tempered ostrich they were 20 minutes earlier.
These days, you can’t really say you have a cutting-edge anything if it doesn’t have the words “smartphone charging” in the title. Which is bound to lead to some strange home furnishings, like the smartphone charging toilet plunger, or the i-crowave. But considering that we now live through our smartphones more than we live through our brains, maybe we’ll soon welcome those things into our lives as well. For now, let’s just start with a wireless smartphone charging mouse pad, which isn’t weird at all.
For the colleague who needs to lighten up a bit, buy them a crazy Christmas jumper – you could even get one that lights up! Whether it’s a naughty snowman, rude reindeer or cheeky elf, these ugly sweaters will make even the most serious crack a smile. Not just for Christmas, they also make a great gift in June.
It’s no longer reasonable to allow your writing utensils to do single duty. These days, a pen that does nothing but write is a child’s toy. Actually, it’s even worse than that, because kids know better than to write by hand, what with all the voice recognition apps they have within arms reach at all times. That means pens are functionally useless. Let that sink in a minute. But not this pen, because it’s also several other things that can help the user accomplish something important. This is no gimmick. It’s a revolutionary tool, and the world will never be the same.
If the pen is mightier than the sword, you should be able to kill people with it. Because killing people is really easy with a sword. Killing people, however, is frowned upon, unless they’re really asking for it. It’s much more responsible to stick to the symbolic act this penholder allows.
What better way to say that the pen is mightier than the sword? This knight pen holder will be their most loyal servant in all of their clerical crusades. Whether they’re battling with the bookkeeping or feuding with their filing, help will be at hand. And yes, their grocery lists deserve the royal treatment too.