Game of Scones
Add an element of intrigue, danger, and power lust to your dessert course with this acclaimed book of after-dinner recipes by a shadowy figure from the netherworlds of baking. Dazzle the tastebuds of your guests (or yourself) by making your way through the convoluted kingdoms of flour, yeast, confectioner’s sugar, and other forbidden pleasures. This is not a book for the weak of heart or the insulin resistant; for everyone else, it is a roadmap through a treacherous, unforgiving, but ultimately sweet terrain.
If you enjoy the world-renowned photography of National Geographic, you’re going to love this calendar. Walmart may be a historic case-study in ruthless bottom-line economics, but it’s most remarkable as the central gathering place for the rarest specimens of rural America. Darwin may have reconsidered his fancy theory if he had one of these handy.
If you can’t be good, then you need to be the best at being the worst. No artistic tool better equips you for that lofty goal than the Otamatone. This thing is a crapstorm of godawful atonal noise. You’ve never heard anything worse.
These king-sized treats just might be the perfect gift to match their insatiable sweet tooth. This level of candy debauchery might be frowned upon by overeaters anonymous, but life is too short for sugar shaming. No need to wrap these monstrous munchies, the wrapper alone is half the fun and can be used later on as one-of-a-kind wall art to commemorate their gastronomical feat.
Sometimes a mirror just isn’t enough. You’ve heard it said that you are what you eat, so it stands to reason that it’s easier to digest things that already look like you. The selfie toaster is here to revolutionize your relationship to food.
Along with abundance comes the responsibility not to bore the crap out of people by making the same silly casserole every night. The problem is that nobody wants to think that much about food. They just want to eat. Place the burden of creativity - and blame - on these ingenious foodie dice, and watch the possibilities multiply.
Pens have a way of disappearing, and since they don't have legs, we have to assume people are stealing them. These serial pen thieves are lurking in every office and workplace, and everyone is a suspect. We've all been a victim, and we all just accept the fact that when someone asks if they can borrow a pen, that pen may be gone forever. There is a simple solution - use pens that make people deeply uncomfortable, preferably with messages so unsettling that they may not ask you again. And since such a pen would truly be yours to keep, it ought to be a good one. These professional metal barrel pens not only make a memorable first impression, but are built to last and filled high with ink - unlike some discount novelty pens out there. A great gift for your coworkers and friends, and even better to keep for yourself.
No matter where you stand on other major life issues, one thing is for sure: everything is better with cats. Or maybe just weirder. Anyway, this updated version of the classic board game is purr-fect for anyone who owns or loves cats, and even better for anyone who wishes they were a cat. In the original version of Monopoly, the goal was to collect properties until you became the fattest cat around, bullying people and putting them out of business. Cat-opoly reflects a kinder, gentler world where you simply collect cats, until you’re like one of those people you see on the reality shows.
A certain percentage of the population has a strong obsession with animal butts. Most of them are under 10 years old - the ones who aren’t end up making things like this for a living. Go on, admit that you want to pull a tissue out of this cat’s butt. No one’s going to care. As long as you’re only pulling things out of the rectums of figurines and other likenesses, there’s no problem. Watching the recipient’s reaction to this gift can probably tell you a lot about them…we’re just not sure what.