Half Pint Glass
Sometimes we have to trick ourselves into moderation. It doesn’t always come naturally. Luckily, our brains evolved with all kinds of borderline stupid quirks, so we’re not that hard to trick. Any damn fool can see that this is only half a glass, but we bet it will still help slow down said damn fool’s boozin’. And also it looks ridiculous.
Why not reward the passive-aggressive person in your life with a playful beast that best personifies the light and dark sides of their personality? Raw emotional expression can be quite therapeutic and these cuddly critters are particularly gifted when it comes to delivering love and horror with just one forcible squeeze. Lifeless teddy bears are dreadfully dull and possibly creepier than these cheeky creatures. This badass gift is sure to raise the shock factor at the next occasion!
For the musician who hates music, or for the kid whose parents you hate, there is the Otamatone, a “musical” instrument that makes the bagpipes seem reasonable. A touch sensitive bar on the neck changes pitch, while the little mouth at the bottom “sings” when squeezed. It all makes perfect sense (in Japan).
This is not your grandfather’s Kit Cat Clock, but it is, ironically the size of a grandfather clock. The modern classic gets a big size upgrade, but the iconic smile, rolling eyes, and swinging tail are all still here. You’re going to love this giant kitty.
Aggression sometimes gets a bad name, but the truth is that it’s only dangerous if misdirected. Many things in life should be aggressively pursued, such as happiness, growth, meaning, contribution — all of the warm and fuzzy stuff you see on posters. However, some people also feel the impulse to aggressively pursue verbal confrontation, or worse, opportunities to punch other people’s faces. For these folks, alternative avenues of release are really helpful. Here’s an opportunity to bring one of these alternative avenues to the most stressful environment of all: the workplace.
This is the old people version of buying them their own pool cue. Like every game of chance, bingo is ruled by the secret and unfathomable rubric of superstition. Using a borrowed dauber is like spitting in the face of the lottery gods. Not a good idea.
Bring toast into the twenty-first century with the most narcissistic toaster yet! Metal inserts will brown your beautiful face onto every piece of toast you make. Freak out your one-night stand with breakfast in bed featuring edible pictures of yourself. Just make sure to smile!
Is this sexy loungewear or what?! Sci-fi doesn’t just have to live on the big screen … galactic space fashion has invaded the cozy world of terry cloth and no closet should be without it. Stylish and futuristic, this fitting nod to the Star Wars empire should be an essential piece in every superfan’s closet. Give the tired robe look a visionary facelift with this droid-lover’s keepsake … the starship is waiting!
When we say ugly Christmas sweater, what we actually mean is FUNNY Christmas sweater, and these are absolutely hilarious. Get one as a gag for everyone on your list and wait for the laughs (and heartfelt thank yous!) to start rolling in. Your loved ones will be rolling too, with laughter.