Old Timers Survival Kit
The 50th birthday is probably the last time you can get away with “over the hill” jokes. From here on in, these kinds of jokes will sound more like observations. Take advantage of your last chance to pick on the old guy by putting together a basket of embarrassing senior citizen’s products like prune juice, orthopedic shoe inserts, hemorrhoid cream, Metamucil, Depends diapers, Beano, and reading glasses.
Get started on that Bucket List while there’s time and health to finish it by writing everything on special tags and storing them in an actual bucket. Then pick an adventure whenever life permits. There’s so much to do and look forward to doing! Get to work on it!
At 50, a person may start to think about their place in history. They begin to really contemplate what it means to someday join the long chain of human life that led to them and to their descendants. Help them get started on a journey of self discovery by starting a family tree.
A person who has lived over half a century is often seen as wise, a person who young people can turn to for a deeper understanding of the world. Unfortunately, not all of us know quite as much as it seems like we should, and wish we could bone up on human history a bit before we get asked about it. And that’s where this book comes in.
A person who’s just hitting 50 has learned a lot over the years, so why would they need a book like this? Because, just like in other sorts of technology, people never stop devising newer and better ways of doing even mundane everyday tasks. This book is state of the art.
Plain white envelopes are so overdone. Giving a stack of money doesn’t have to be boring. Fold every bill into an origami flower, mount them on sticks, and arrange the cash into a stunning bouquet of blossoming currency. Everyone loves flowers, and everyone loves cash money. It’s the perfect gift!
This doesn’t have to be awkward. Yes, you are giving someone, as a 50th birthday gift, something they will use for pooping. It’s OK. Then someday you’ll say, “Hey, you, uh, you ever use that Squatty Potty?” They’ll look horrified for a half a second, but then they’ll crack a quick smile and say, “Yeah, actually. It’s great. Thanks.” Then you never speak of it again.
Sure, they could just make the same list on their smartphone, and never print it. Or they could use a pen. But people turning fifty have been wanting a Voice Activated Grocery List Maker since they saw that article about life in the 21st century 40+ years ago, and, goshdarnit, they should get one.
Start the countdown, because the 50th birthday means they are in range for this gift. Count down every day, hour, minute, and second until retirement begins with this nifty clock. They can even bring it to work to make the whippersnappers jealous. With the average age of retirement always on the rise, you may want to throw in some extra batteries too.