We’ve been living with goats for hundreds of thousands of years, but most of us needed the internet to find out they scream like humans. And we can’t get enough of it. Murphy’s Law guarantees the most obnoxious person in your white elephant exchange will end up with this. And then everyone will definitely get enough of it.
A bad stomach virus will elicit fewer groans than this book. When your sense of humor has calcified into something like petrified wood, it’s time to beat people gently into a stupor with it. This is the perfect instructional guide to doing just that.
The worst thing about this gift is the disillusionment. Like planting a hidden camera on a magician, you just won’t care to watch the show once the secret has been revealed. This small box of simple tools is all anyone will ever need to get out of any dangerous predicament they might find themselves in. But go ahead and give this to someone you care about. Survival always trumps entertainment.
Generally speaking, the last person in the room who needs more wine is the person who’s already gone feet up. But as long as that posture signals relaxation and not unconsciousness, it’s probably fine. There may be a moral grey area, but that’s not your problem. This is the perfect gift for the most shameless wino you know.
You might call your toes “little piggies,” but the truth is that feet are the real workhorses of the human body. And we tend to be pretty merciless toward them for long stretches of the day, so it’s a nice gesture to show them some love when it’s all over with. And healthy feet make a happy human, so you could try giving a foot hammock to the most unlikeable person you know and see if it brightens them up a bit. Or better yet, give it to someone you like. Trust us, they’ll appreciate it.
The squirrels have been playing tricks on us for years, and most of us don’t even know it. In fact, squirrels often go way over the line. From house fires to divorces, they are responsible for untold misery, suffering, and property loss. It’s time we start giving them a taste of their own medicine. Start small. Start here.
No matter where you stand on other major life issues, one thing is for sure: everything is better with cats. Or maybe just weirder. Anyway, this updated version of the classic board game is purr-fect for anyone who owns or loves cats, and even better for anyone who wishes they were a cat. In the original version of Monopoly, the goal was to collect properties until you became the fattest cat around, bullying people and putting them out of business. Cat-opoly reflects a kinder, gentler world where you simply collect cats, until you’re like one of those people you see on the reality shows.
As modern fashion becomes more and more demanding, and requires an ever-heavier personal commitment, it’s easy to fall behind the times and look like someone’s great-grandparent. A gold grill is a borderline necessity these days, but not everyone can afford the cost or has the inclination to undergo major dental surgery. The answer is right here.
Sometimes a mirror just isn’t enough. You’ve heard it said that you are what you eat, so it stands to reason that it’s easier to digest things that already look like you. The selfie toaster is here to revolutionize your relationship to food.